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Original poster

Implying people should where hats to wedding

63 replies

DiDiddlyIDi · 09/03/2015 08:03

How would you feel if you received a wedding invite that said "Ladies: hats/fascinators will be welcomed?"
Will we really look like we are dictating what you should wear?

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 09/03/2015 09:34

Why do you need to mention hats at all?

Floggingmolly · 09/03/2015 09:35

I had to google fascinators... Wtf??? Confused I've never seen such a thing in real life; and there is no way I'd be bopping round with one on my head.

YvesJutteau · 09/03/2015 09:37

I think the problem may be that what you are trying to convey is something quite involved/chatty and formal wording on the actual invitation isn't the right place for that. You'd do better having an additional information sheet (most weddings I've been to recently have had those, giving details about local B&Bs, driving directions, whether anything is planned for the following morning, etc.) and have a longer few sentences in there (something like "A couple of people have already asked about hats! Our guests span the spectrum from those who see any wedding chiefly as an excuse for a new hat to those who wouldn't be seen dead in one, so rest assured that regardless of whether you come in a hat, a fascinator, or bare-headed you won't feel out of place. [bride's mother] and [groom's mother] will [or won't, or whatever the situation is] be wearing hats, if that's any help.")

Enb76 · 09/03/2015 09:42

Depends on your friends. All my friends would be utterly happy to wear hats and those not wearing hats would stick out.

And... wearing hats is fun, hats are great and there are not enough hat wearing days in life.

YvesJutteau · 09/03/2015 09:44

I have an Awesome Hat that I haven't worn to a wedding for years because these days I assume I'd be the only one in a hat and would look massively overdressed (and I've been right, too). So I don't think that people will just wear hats if they want to.

Although as the only other Proper Hat I've ever owned I lost at a wedding when very drunk I may be as well that I don't wear one

LizardBreath · 09/03/2015 09:44

I would welcome it as I have lots of hats / fascinators and always worry I'll be the only one or it's not 'that sort if wedding' to wear one. I would put it, it doesn't at all imply you must wear one, but for those in two minds it gives them the nod.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/03/2015 09:45

I think it was a good wording - didn't ask anyone to wear them, but said it was nice if they did.

BUT, since some people here have taken umbrage, there might be people on your list who do, too. Maybe some wording such as "Ladies: we've been asked about hats. Wear whatever you like, whether it be a lovely hat, a fascinator, or a bare head!"

LowLevelBlinging · 09/03/2015 09:45

'Wearing hats is fun' WTF??

Hmm
flowery · 09/03/2015 09:56

OP by your thread title you clearly think the wording will be taken as implying people should wear hats. For that reason, unless you genuinely do want to dictate, you shouldn't include the wording you suggest.

Trinette · 12/03/2015 15:51

Shedding:

"I agree with a few pp that expressing an enthusiasm for hats is fine and sets the tone but in a nice non demanding way. I am wondering if there might be a traditional description for the dress code that encompasses this?"

Yes, there is a traditional formal dress code wording; it's simply called "morning coat" or perhaps "black lounge" (one step below in formality), which implies that women have to wear formal daytime dresses or suits with hats and gloves.

On a formal invitation the dress code for ladies is often not mentioned as they are supposed to take their clues from the gentlemen (1947 wedding of then Princess Elizabeth to Prince Philip was an exception as it stated: Ladies: Morning Dress with Hats). Examples of this wording can be found on all royal wedding invitations from the Queen Mum in the 1920s to the latest wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, and probably on all aristocratic and upper class invitations.

LaurieFairyCake · 12/03/2015 15:55

I'm wondering why we have to remind people to wear hats Hmm

Most people at the last wedding I went to wore them

It's a hat occasion if ever there was one

LaurieFairyCake · 12/03/2015 15:55

In short I think its bad manners to remind people to wear them

BackforGood · 12/03/2015 16:05

In the minority here, but I would be delighted.

I love a wedding where you can wear a hat, but in recent years this hasn't been the fashion (except for Mothers of the B&G) and I've sadly gone hatless to several weddings. I'd be delighted to see it being encourage.
Don't add the 'not compulsory' bit - it throws it back into suggesting a lot of people won't. The way you phrased it in your OP doesn't sound like a command, it sounds like a helpful 'tip off' about the dress code at the wedding. Which is really helpful. If you don't like hats you still wouldn't have to wear one, but it tells you it's a bit posher than some of the weddings you might otherwise go to. Smile

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 12/03/2015 16:10

It just signals the formality of the occasion.

Most people would know if it was a hat wedding or not, by the venue and time of day.

AuntieStella · 12/03/2015 16:11

I wouldn't include it on an invitation.

But I would put the word out informally when you're talking to your guests-to-be. Much easier to get exactly what you mean across when you can be a bit wordier.

DioneTheDiabolist · 12/03/2015 16:12

I wouldn't put it in writing, but would tell my friends and family "I'd love it if you wore a hat".

Tapwater · 12/03/2015 16:18

Insanely bad manners to try to micromanage what your guests wear.

specialsubject · 12/03/2015 19:13

I got asked this once a long time ago. I look ridiculous in hats. But I wore it and looked ridiculous in the photos. Not my problem.

BTW we are still friends!

ColdCottage · 12/03/2015 19:19

I'd like it. I love hats at weddings.

I think it would give anyone who was a little nervous of being the only person wearing one the confidence to wear one.

I think the wording is fine. Encouraging rather than instructing.

HungryNearWestPier · 12/03/2015 19:30

I have nothing useful to add... but having read through the thread, I now have an image of Floggingmolly at a wedding wearing deely boppers. Grin

(In my defence, I was 7yo in 1982, and everyone that I knew wore them)

Holepunch · 12/03/2015 19:50

I'm not very good at reading between the lines but if I received that I'd think I was expected to wear a hat. Being a wedding guest is expensive enough and buying a hat you'll never wear again... whilst I would probably do it, I wouldn't like it.

If you want to encourage hats, just chatting to guests is the way to go, I think.

TwinkleThis · 12/03/2015 20:31

Insanely bad manners to try to micromanage what your guests wear.

No. It's the opposite. It is normal, and very good etiquette to state the Dress Code on an invitation.

The OP is being even nicer by making it optional.

shil0846 · 12/03/2015 20:36

Confused at the posts here. Doesn't everyone wear a hat to a wedding?

Casmama · 12/03/2015 21:59

I would say " please feel free to wear a hat /fascinator if you would like to"

I'm quite surprised by the negativity on this thread but I love a hat Grin

Tapwater · 12/03/2015 22:02

But it's not stating a dress code. That would be 'black tie' or 'morning suits will be worn' or whatever formula. This is trying to nudge female guests to wear something specific - God knows why - by highlighting it specifically on the invitation, while attempting to make it look like you're not.

It would make me think the bride and groom didn't trust their guests and thought they were going to rock up in track suits.