Completely lost my way & don't know what to wear - where to look for ideas that will suit me?

[Jemster]

I've just turned 40 & have totally lost any clue as to what to wear. Since I had my children i just haven't focussed on clothes or how to put things together at all. I have very few clothes now. I have a few things for work that are mainly black trousers & tops, so boring!

I hardly ever go out with other ladies in the evening so the other night when faced with a work night out I didn't have a clue what to wear! In my rush to get ready & get out for the meal I got really upset as all my tops were too tight or too scruffy & the only jeans I have are the mumsy ones I wear with the children every day.

When I got to the meal I looked at what everyone was wearing. It was mainly skinny jeans, nice top & heels. I just don't think skinny jeans suit me, slim are ok but not skinny. I don't own any nice night out tops & I can't wear heels due to joint problems. God I look & sound like an 80 year old not a 40 year old!!

Some of the other ladies there also have young children & they looked seriously amazing, lovely skin, make up, hair & clothes. One of them is same age as me with a 1 year old & she looked stunning. I just don't know how they do it & why I can't. I am always rushing around from work to home to school etc & most of time look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards.
I almost didn't go to the night out as I felt so rubbish & frumpy. In the end I had a nice time but I really want to do something to improve my appearance & my confidence but I just don't know where to start.

Any advice welcome please. What do you do if the 'trendy' looks just don't suit you? I don't want to dress like my mum!!

I think its more important to have style as opposed to being trendy. New trends won't suit everyone, but if you have a style you will always look well put together, iykwim. Have you had a look at any style blogs? They can be a bit samey but they're great for generating ideas and they helped me feel confident about my own style . I love the 're:style' blog, even though my style isn't the same. Have a look at pintrest at celebrities you like and maybe pin together some ideas.

Or how about a personal shopper? John Lewis have them. For make up you could visit a counter and have a session . The ladies at Mac we're lovely to me when I went.

Hi Jemster, I know exactly how you feel. I could have written your post last year, having had two children fairly quickly. I would wander round shops having no idea what was in fashion, and come home empty handed. Plus, I just looked washed out and worn out, wearing clothes I hadn't updated in about three years. I took action, started exercising to lose some weight (this wasn't helping with my general self esteem etc), and did the following:

Make up: started watching Lisa Eldridge and Pixiwoo for tips and ideas (google both, they are really good). Also read Caroline Hirons blog for skincare ideas. I threw out all the old make up. I had, and each month bought something new. I went to Mac and Estée Lauder for advice and ideas, both were great (Mac for blush, eyeshadow and lipstick, EL for foundation). I also spent a small fortune in Boots, and have come to the conclusion I will buy less makeup, but stick to the better brands for the essentials. Mascara, lip liners etc I find L'oreral and Bourjois to be good. Another thing I did was start getting my eyebrows threaded, and it was a revelation. Really makes me look more groomed. I also give myself a manicure on a Sunday night while watching the tv!

Hair - I get this trimmed and coloured every 12 weeks or so. I use an intensive conditioner once a week, and I bought a wand to given it a loose curl, and again, looked at some blogs to see how I could update my style a little (the small things blog is good for this)

Clothes - again, looked at some blogs, and particularly, Pinterest, to see what things I liked. Also, once the kids are asleep, I take a look on some shop websites for ideas. I threw out all the clothes that were falling apart, washed out or didn't fit, then started to buy a few basics each month. I try to stick to neutrals, and found this made a difference, as now most things in my wardrobe match unlike before! I bought some nice leather bags on eBay, and I find these can really dress up any outfit.

I hope this helps, it is horrible when you know you want to change things,but don't know how to do it. Sometimes you just need to make some time for yourself, if you don't treat yourself who will! Good luck

Hello Jemster

Some people will disagree but having a House of Colour consultation helped me to find colours to suit me.

For make up book a department store session, I would suggest Bobbi Brown, when they've done your make up leave, wander around for an hour or two and see how it looks when you've worn it before going back to make purchases.

I agree with lisam about getting a good, regular haircut and colour if you want one. Don't be afraid to keep your hair long over the age of 40 but if you do invest in a Babyliss Big Hair, it doesn't make my hair big but it does make it look like I've had it professionally blow dried every day.

I agree too that blogs are good, as are magazines for finding looks you like.
For work replace your black trousers with grey/navy and a couple of grey/navy skirts then some shirts and t-shirts in complimentary colours.

As you say you don't go out very often a few going out tops well chosen tops will be fine.

Get a good pair of jeans - New Look are often surprisingly good and a pair of leggings, wear with Gap t-shirts or a shirt for casual wear.
These are basics to start you off, when you've go those you will hopefully feel more confident to be able to add your own twist.

Hi Jemster,
The H of Colour style day really helped me too.
If it is too dear at the moment book a consultation with a personal shopper with a big department store.
It's free and you can always take the clothes back.
Although the style day taught me what I looked good in and what I felt good inl

For me-

Find your uniform-

For example-
Loafers, skinny flares, Breton stripe top, chunky necklace
Ballet flats, straight leg jeans rolled up, checked shirt, stacked slim bracelets
Nike internationalist trainers, tube skirt, slouchy knit sweater

When you have worked put your uniform, then you can mix and match within that for your day to day.

I really recommend figuring out how to do a good smokey eye, this gives me a wow factor when I go out.

I feel like a heel gives me a boost on looking together....what about a wedge?