Beware the Crepes of March!

[QueenQueenie]

Well someone had to do it as my last post was number 999...

Crepeys, I have had wailing texts from DD2 on how unhappy she is, and how she cries every night and wants to come home. She won't speak to me on the phone (she won't pick up; I have tried calling numerous times). She has not fallen out with her friends, does like school, but is just really, really unhappy. She has been unhappy for weeks, apparently. I will speak to the house parents later on, and see if they have any concerns - when we had this a few weeks ago, I got the report that DD had just come back from town with her friends, and they were shrieking and trying to play netball outside the boarding house. Earlier yesterday evening I got a text from DD2 to say that they had been to a climbing wall and it was "the best fun".

Is it the boarding that she doesn't like? Not really, and it's not school, but she misses home and being here in the week. I think if she went up every day, she would be clamouring to board, because she would have to leave the house really early (around 6) and would not be back until around 5.30. I am thinking of letting her go back on Monday morning (as one of her complaints is that she doesn't get a full weekend at home), but it would need to be an early start, and she would have to go on the train.

She usually goes back to school quite happily on a Sunday evening, and only last weekend, she was asking if she could stay at this school for 6th form. So not sure what it is - just a wobble? Something more? Would it help if I went up midweek, say on a Wednesday and took her out to dinner? Or would it make things worse? Any ideas?

Mrs S - I haven't experience of boarding but I can imagine that it's sometimes exhausting and you just need a bit of respite. Having said that DD at uni has had one or two wobbles which cause me enormous worry and I'll check in a couple of days later and everything will be fabulous. I do think they over dramatise, cause us a disproportionate amount of stress and then bounce back not realising the impact they've had on us poor parents. I would talk to her house parents and get them to talk to her and keep an eye on her. Maybe offer her the option of Monday morning in the hope that it is short lived.

When I read these threads I sometimes wonder why we all had children - we go from one crisis to another with them. Nobody told me that it was constant worry. No experience of boarding here, MrsS, I would tend to agree that teenagers live either in alt or despair so we can never get it right. Good luck whatever you decide.

Herbs, very well done to miniHerbs.

Rose, the retreat house is in the wilds with no mobile phone connection - I tend to go for quiet as I am not good at meditation.

DD's birthday today which is bringing back memories of leaning against the wall in the dentist's surgery having a contraction (I had lost a crown and was determined I wasn't going into hospital with a gap in my front teeth). Dentist blanched the next time I saw him when I said that DD was born later that day.

We're off to the hospital shortly as DH has an appointment with the cardiologist so wish us luck.

Same as Hatty/NU - no experience of boarding, and I definitely second the dramatizing, but maybe she just needs a bit of down-time at home with you ATM. It doesn't sound like it's the end of the world given that she likes the school/friends, but I am finding that DD's like to vent. A lot.
The Monday option sounds good.
Could it be linked to Time of the Month?

Good Luck NU.

Good luck!

I came back from the hairdresser at 37+6, doodled around on MN and then my waters broke. DD2 was born 8 hours later. I do remember with DD1 saying to someone on the phone "well, I'll pass on the message to DP but I'm about to have a baby" - I think he meant I was a bit preoccupied, not that I was about to have a baby.

MrsS, shall I get DD1 on the case to get a bit of inside info?

Best of luck NU. Will be thinking of you both today.

Mrs S it's so hard to tell isn't it? It would be awful to think she was miserable and you had ignored it , but that's obv not the case. I agree with the others that she may well need to have some time out just to breathe. School is stressful enough I think but especially so if it is effectively 24 hours a day. I am tending toward s the ' this too shall pass' and also a bit of casual spying by Mi s dd.

I am about to phone the gp to ask for a sick line. I have reached the end of my tether regarding the perfect storm that is
Work plus stress plus agony in back.

Good luck NU. Hope all goes well.

Mrs S, agree with Crem , surely all you can do is keep talking to her about it and keep an eye on things. I think i would want to be quite sympathetic that clearly she is finding it difficult at least some of the time and feels miserable when she does. I think I would be less sympathetic if she tells you she is very distressed and then refuses to answer her 'phone so you can try to help . Do you think perhaps she just gets exhausted and then it all feels too much? I can imagine feeling that way at a boarding school...

Am meant to be working. Beat me with a big stick if I'm back before this evening....

Laters.

I JUST GOT A HOTTERS CATALOGUE

MI!

Cremo you poor thing. Definitely go and get signed off - you are no flaker, you are clearly at the end of your tether.
We are at DDs final sixthform interview. I like this school a lot, but it is very tricky to get to

Thank you, everyone.

I spoke to the house parent, who is LOVELY. She said that DD2 had been fine on Monday and Tuesday and had had a fine time when they went out last night. She was a bit quiet when they got back, but not enough to give concern. She was apparently fine this morning, and is going out after school with the gap year student who helps teach Spanish, and whom she gets on really well with. HP said she would ask the gap student to see if she could find out if there was anything wrong, and one of them would get back to me.

MI - yes please. And all you need now is a Chums catalogue and Saga magazine and you will be well set!

MrsS all the Crepeys are wise and are talking a lot of sense ( bit late to the party...) is it not a symptom of teenage life, to be up one minute and down the next? Maybe the difference is, we didn't share the way teens do in 2015. I only went to boarding school for six months abroad, but in my day school at home, I do have memories of a phase of crying every night before I went to sleep especially at the beginning of term or after half term. But feeling totally ok during the day. Just overwhelmed, I think or maybe upset I didn't have a boyfriend or something Keeping a watchful eye, talking to house parents and offering alternatives like home on sunday night etc all sound sensible. My DSs both had (DS2 still has) an hours journey minimum to school and left the house at 6.30am, rarely home before 5.30 in the afternoon. Difficult but doable.

Best of luck NU and happy birthday to your DD. The best retreat - like place I've ever been to was when I was taking my teaching exams. Went to this place in Leeds for a full weekend of tests and assessed workshops. I forget what it's called but it was run by nuns. No internet, fantastic food, as clean as a whistle, lovely grounds....I loved it there.

crem you're doing the right thing x

tilly good luck with the interview. See what I've said above about 'difficult to get to' schools....

I have had a surprisingly lovely morning singing with a newish friend who plays amazing piano and wants accompaniment experience. What fun to get back in the saddle. Now back to prep class for later. The DC have gone off to school in fancy dress for a festival ( not WBD!!) ...Elphaba, and Santa Claus. I normally join the party with my Tina Turner wig but DH is so, so down..we didn't make it to the service last night as I was so late back from the traffic gridlock debacle last night and he came in and said he had loads of work...was at it til after midnight. He is Burying Himself In Work...isn't he. Sigh.

Don't knock Saga. I've written for it.

I'd think seriously about the Monday start. And I'll get DD1 on the case.

I imagine DD1 would be quite good at weekly boarding. DD2 would be terrible at it. She needs to retreat snarling into her cave like her dad.

I don't know what to suggest, MrsS, but I'd say you need to do some more digging to find out if it's just a fleeting unhappiness, or something more fundamental. I was never bothered by boarding (and I was termly not weekly), but I never had a close-close relationship with DM (well, we're close, but I have never relied on her emotionally).

Hi Crem. Sorry you are struggling. Sick note sounds best.

Good luck to DD, BTM! Fingers tightly crossed she gets a good place for next year.

MI, you do realise your Hotter catalogue signals the start of an avalanche of "demographically targeted" post? Expect Damart, Pure Collection, Chums (of course) and a whole host of other stuff to pile onto your doormat soon, all guaranteed to send you screaming into the nearest branch of Top Shop.

Here, DH is on a mission to find out what we spend our money on, and why we never seem to have any spare. I watched nervously as he compiled a giant pie-chart of last year's spending, and was relieved to see that "clothing" came a respectable distance behind "mortgage", "food" and "home improvements". #offthehhook

Mrs S, I think an impromptu Wednesday night trip would be a good idea. I think it's all about breaking the cycle and just mixing things up a bit and making a Wednesday night gesture may just do it. I wouldn't ask if she wants you to come and I wouldn't say why you are doing it, just being there that extra day might be enough for a couple of weeks. I do have seven (VII) years of boarding experience and those strange off cycle visits or parcels are the ones you remember. It's such a pressurised environment, not necessarily academically, but hormonally, that it's quite nice to get a little breathing space.

We are in limbo land re: ds school. The new school haven't yet put their offer in writing, so I can't yet hand my notice in at the old school. Ds has told some friends he is leaving so the gossip mill has been working and now he doesn't know whether to confirm it or deny it....it's all very stressful so his IBS has flared up. Just want April to come now, so we can bed him in to the new place.

Rose, I'm sorry your dh is feeling bad. He's probably working out if he should DO something; comment further, cut off or limit contact etc. I'm not sure he needs to do anything necessarily - frankly, they probably want the drama, so not to feed that fire would be my advice. Just blank the topic.

OK, so one of my two pairs of jeans (in which I live) expanded its thigh rub hole to a full thigh exposure, so I need to go shopping. I'm not looking forward to it.

CV,my DH would do that kind of thing!

Beachy, that's difficult - fingers crossed the new school confirm and he can talk about it without worrying.

Rose, sorry for your DH. But maybe he is right to keep busy, rather than dwell on it?

The interview went really well. The HoSixthForm did it and is so experienced and good at her job - gave DD lots of positives and great advice about subjects/uni's and also said she would be making her an offer. DD likes it, but it would mean a very early start which she is RUBBISH at.
In the car on the way home, she was talking about the pluses of staying at her current school

I leave it to you to guess what our domestic pie-chart might feature. This is why we have baroquely separate finances.

Well we're back from the cardiologist and he seems to know what the problem is. They need to do more tests, but it appears that DH has a low heart beat which is fine until he does any exercise when he has pain. It's possible that after the tests he will have to have a pacemaker fitted. I think we're quite relieved, tbh, as the investigation has been going on for 15 months. It would appear that the gastro investigation was all a false trail.

Crem, so sorry things aren't getting better with your back.

Good luck to DC with their school changes.

CV, go and spend some money quick! We have agreed that I have a clothes allowance instead of just buying what I want when I want, as I have an inbuilt spirit level and have sudden bursts of panic when I think I have spent too much and then don't buy anything.

DH is now reading about chronotropic incompetence which is what the cardiologist thinks he has....

NU, glad you're working towards an answer.

MI snap........

And snap from me.....NU, it must be a relief to know what you are dealing with.

BTM, some sixth forms let dc come and go just to their lessons....

Crem, take care, take time off, look after yourself.

MrsS, I agree about Wednesdays. And maybe asking her about staying/leaving the school, suggesting she looks round somewhere else - might it help her realise that teenagerhood is just tough sometimes, wherever you are and whatever you are doing, changing schools won't necessarily help, and also that she has made a positive choice to stay so she can't blame you for future wobbles?

Lalsy sadly that one you have to be in 8.35 every day!

MrsS see my many previous posts about DD moaning, etc about her school. And then today's. Teens can be fickle and vent a lot. But best to check it isn't just that

Never mind BTM - if she goes there, structure will be a Good Thing, helps em stay engaged and involved in school life IMO.

DD1 says she'll have a snoop

I've just hear on R4 that MI5/6 are using My sent to recruit middle aged women spies.