Beware the Crepes of March!

[QueenQueenie]

Well someone had to do it as my last post was number 999...

Molly I think he has been quite straight with them! but didn't lose his temper iyswim. There are massive fallings out in DHs family. My own kin find it incomprehensible. We drive one another nuts but the thought of not speaking is, well, unthinkable. Life's too short. The DC particularly DS2 used to get very upset about having an aunt who didn't want to know them but there's nothing we can do. If we objected in any way PILs would always assume it was about the money. Which it isn't. Like I say, it'll all go on their care any way in this day and age. One thing DH has said that if that is the case, SIL will have to deal with all that with her " allocation" since it's the lions share. Ironic, eh? Ah well.

DH and I are going to have a nice supper at the theatre whilst the DC see the freebie youth production. As you might have guessed, I am Being Nice to DH

molly we can compare notes at a future meet up. Thanks to you all for kind comments. Xx

I agree about telling the parents, calmly and factually, how it makes you feel.
I think there are huge rows over "biens" in France. Has any one seen the Louis Malle film, "Milou en Mai"? Very, very funny as they squabble over the silver and plates as revolution is at the gates (1968).
However I think the children automatically inherit here and can evict the surviving spouse (may have changed recently). My eighty something neighbour tells the story of the notaire turning a gimlet eye on the eight children and saying, "Now you do all agree to your mother staying in the house?".
They nodded sheepishly.
Same here HattieMattie, if you are ever in the Suisse Normande. My trips to Paris tend only to involve the three hour wait necessary in Paris for the Eurostar.

I agree with Molly. Rose, my family are as disfunctional as yours, and involve people not speaking to each other for years and years as a result of someone's will. My mother and her cousin have not spoken for over 30 years (he's now in his 90s, she's in her 80s) due to the fall out from clearing my Great Great Aunt's flat, and who got what. They have been in the same room since then, at family funerals, but refuse to speak. My cousin and I think this is barking behaviour, given their ages, and suggested that they put it all behind them, as life is short (particularly at their age!). Neither of them were having any of it.

My DDad and his sister fell out with their other sister when my Gran died as his other sister tried to forge my Gran's will, so that everything was left to her, rather than split three ways. Unfortunately for conniving sis, the "witnesses" denied point blank every having signed as witnesses and an earlier will was used.

Dear god, the massive dysfunctions in my family suddenly look shiny and new. I'm so sorry, Rose.

DD1 and I have spent the afternoon walking to East Dulwich and back which took us several hours. It did involve a tea and cake break on the way back. I have to say I feel much better for it, though somewhat abashed to realise that we wouldn't have covered nearly as much ground if we'd been in the country. Or perhaps we would. Walking with DD1 is a new thing for me and we both enjoy it.

Apparently PILs were astounded that DH had the balls to say he felt it was unfair!!! He also asked them if in a year or two SIL comes into a fortune or wins the lottery, and we face redundancy and live in a cardboard box under the arches, would they be reversing the arrangement. They were silenced at that point. Any way like I say, if the estate is swallowed up in care home costs, two thirds of nothing is....nothing. I'm proud of DH for his dignity.

MrsS wow those are epic feuds!! It's amazing how they can survive across generations.

MI we always feel better after our walks. There is generally a wall of resistance from the DC but when that falls away, they really are quite likeable. Must be a combination of fresh air, exercise and a break from screens !

MI where did you go for your cake and coffee?!

We don't very often go for family walks. Partly because we never have the time, partly because DH walks at the speed of a snail and partly because the DC think it's boring. But maybe on hol in NZ...

DM and her bro fell out over Grandads will and the (small amount of) inheritance for about 10 years. But my lovely, lovely aunty kept in touch with mum through her hilariously illegible letters and when my cousin got married and invited DM, I persuaded her to go. DM and her bro became closer than ever before

We stopped on the way back, at Canvas and Cream in FH. Then we went to Sainsbury's and bought stuffed pasta for a no-brainer supper.

So did you go charity shopping in ED?

Rose, that is quite despicable and I feel so sorry for your DH. We had a bit of a falling out with DBiL when DH's father died. He had 3 properties: one which he lived in, one which DBiL lived in, plus a small commercial property. DBiL had his house, of course, DH was left FiL's house and contents and the commercial property went to both of them. We asked DBiL if he wanted anything out of "our" house and told him to help himself (he did - we arrived to discover it almost empty of anything of any use). We came to the conclusion that he was resentful because we actually had something of value - the fact that he had been living in his house rent free for 30 years was irrelevant.

Molly, when are you coming up?

Emily, I loved Clothkits. Did you make any of their kits?

Oh, NU, it's all very speculative atm - it won't be till summer. Sorry, I'm half-joking in admiration at you having red squirrels. But I will let you know if it happens in the summer - we might tie in a trip to the uni with our family holiday. Dd is terribly fickle so it'll be Newcastle for her degree this week and then Music at Julliard next week , or some uni in China to study maths, or then it'll be straight into industry, or whatever.

Rose, I'm sorry to hear how your DH has been treated but it sounds as though you both have a healthy attitude to dealing with it.

Molly, sorry to hear you're still poorly, keep lying low for as long as it takes.

We are on the singing weekend, DH picked up just in time & is still improving. Good music & reunion with much-loved friends. No cooking

Oh, Rose, that stinks. As I have a complicated parental set-up, with step- and half-siblings all over the place, this sort of thing keeps me awake at night, although luckily all parents seem to be aiming at fair solutions. A couple of generations back there were all sorts of disinheritances and feuds which had major reverberations.

At least they told him. The worst is when people find out only when the will is read - no opportunity to ask why, or come to terms with the betrayal. There is a journalist who has written a few pieces about this happening to her (Daisy Goodwin, possibly) - such a slap in the face.

I'm just back from a little jaunt to Woking to see DSis's new house. Uncannily like her old one; there is still a lot of sorting out to do, but it was definitely not as "wow" as the price tag suggested it might be. I took her over the road to meet my old pal (a work colleague from 20 years ago) so she will have someone to borrow a cup of sugar from, if she needs to.

A singing weekend auriga how lovely!

Well DH tossed and turned all night and predictably has had a bit of emotional fall out this morning...quite bad. It's taken every ounce of my diplomacy and wise owl counselling to bring him round from where he was a couple of hours ago. Pils and my DParents are due here for tea this afternoon...he wanted to tell them not to come, and decided that he was going to break contact altogether...lots of understandable threats about them never seeing their grandchildren again and so on. Most uncharacteristic for him...he's a gentle soul but obviously wounded. I am exhausted with the effort of making him see that in the long run, he'd regret it and also that I wasn't going to see our children damaged as a result and we will be the ones to break the toxicity of bygone generations, not perpetuate it. I quietly suggested that one way forward would be for him to sit down and talk with his Dad in the pub one evening this week......they have generally been ok with each other, and explain how he feels. He's agreed and calmed down. I am not looking forward to this afternoon in case someone loses it...

Oh I do feel for you and him, particularly thinking of you this afternoon

I bailed from the 50th birthday party after an hour and a half and still feeling dreadful this morning. This is a very strange cold/flu thing: sore throat, temperature, cough and headache and it's just stayed at the same level of horribleness for a week. Really not sure I'm going to make it to work again tomorrow, which is pants, as I have a lot to do...

Oh, Rose, the poor, poor man. You are being very wise, I think. Atm my DS is quite a lot better off than his DSis but we are very careful to treat them both equally. This is very simple when it comes to finance but not so easy with other things. Because we look after DD's DC one day a week we are very close to them. DDil is lovely but is a SAHM with very supportive parents, we do however go out of our way to help whenever they ask.

I am already drinking sherry. The table is laid and a leg of lamb in the oven. The whole immediate family is coming for lunch at 1.30 so I am cooking for six adults, 3 children and 1 baby who is only on a small amount of pureed food.

Auriga, your weekend sounds great.

Beachy, I think it's a case of get thee to bed. Take care of yourself.

What ho, Crepeys! Sorry to have been AWOL. Am going to pop back later for a proper catch up but just wanted to send some love to Rose. That sounds absolutely horrid and I can well imagine how little you feel like having them over today. It's so hard as well when you are thrust in the position of peacemaker, comforter, support etc when you must want to throttle them. I will be thinking of you this afternoon and sending you soothing vibes

More later. Need to do washing now. Take to your bed, Beachy, have another shezza NU and enjoy your lunch en famille .

Wishing you strength today Rose.

Sorry you're feeling shit Beachy.

NU hope you have a lovely family meal - am thinking of the Spitting Image queen mum with her glass of sherry

Molly I've spent the morning in and around your area as I came to see DS play - went to the wrong ground first having not received a text! Don't rate the footy played and zero atmosphere compared to his own team, but he's not been given the push yet.

I might hit the sherry too. DP is cooking a fish thing which I know from experience is not how shall I put it the best fish thing in the world. I realise this is a minor problem in the scheme of things but am seething with of everyone who is having a nice Sunday lunch.

NU - my cousin did this with his parents' house. The will stipulated that the three children could take what they wanted, and then the wider family could have any keepsakes. My cousin packed up the whole house, including stuff like old irons and kettles and had the lot shipped down under. He was adamant that none of the family would have anything at all, even a plate or a small ornament. His sister gave me their mother's old wooden rolling pin, and he kicked off about that too. His sister also boxed up a load of her late father's clothes and sent them to his brother in Hungary, who was exactly the same size, and he had a screaming fit about that. As a result, none of the family want to have anything to do with him again. He's put most of the stuff on ebay, including all of the "heirlooms" that the family brought with them from Germany and Hungary. They meant nothing to him, he just didn't want anyone else to have them.

Rose hope the day goes smoothly.
NUFC69 yes I used to make lots of Clothkits. I even have one of their dressing-gowns left. Must be 35 years old and is a bit fragile, but I love it.
We had a dire day with the cold/flu yesterday; I couldn't even finish my glass of Prosecco.
OH is still poorly today, but we managed housework and I have just been for a walk round the "block". Not a soul in sight, a few skylarks, a green woodpecker, some early daffodils (they are all tiny and wild round here) and a couple of lambs across the road. I try to do a daily walk to see the minute changes in the season. Definitely a feel of spring today.

Rose - that is a horrible situation, but sounds like you have given wise counsel. Something has to be said to the Ps, but hopefully in a measured fashion.

Just back from one of our many local parks, and about to do some college work. DP is baking beetroot brownies with DS, and will then make us a ham, cheese and leek 'bake'. I disapprove of the word 'bake' as a noun, but very much approve of him cooking it.

Have a headache, and not sure if it's a) a hangover from drinking most of a bottle of red to myself, or b) the beginnings of my monthly migraine.

Spent a lot of yesterday trying to put together a tiny, fiddly solar-powered robot from Tiger. It was driving me MAD. Lots of tiny plastic components, that wouldn't quite fit together as they were so badly made, and the most incredibly complicated instructions, printed so tinily I had to wear my reading glasses, and use a magnifying glass to see them. I finished it this morning, with much swearing, and the tossing thing doesn't even work.

On the plus side, I have a new iPhone, which is rather nice.

What is the fish thing, MI? I am making pizza. DD2 is making macarons.