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The perils of Flares...

12 replies

Stupidhead · 03/10/2014 13:34

After years of skinnies, I was a child of punk and used to take the jeans my mum bought me from the market off to her Singer Sewer to drainpipe them, I decided I needed a change. DP loves the 70s so I thought I'd surprise him and order myself a pair of £29.99 cheapos to ease me in gradually.

  1. You spend the initial wearing wondering whether you've remembered to put knickers on or not due to the sudden drafts up your trouser leg you can't remember having before.
  1. When removing at night remember to shake said knickers out of them. If not you run the risk of rushing to put them on when the doorbell goes first thing and your last nights knickers being plonked at the feet of the postman/vicar/posh neighbour/Jehovah's Witness.
  1. When rushing with the above try to put shoes or slippers on or you will get right foot big toe caught in left leg flare flap and fall down the stairs.
  1. You panic at the old men looking at you in Asda and wondering whether it's because a) last nights knickers are in the fish aisle or b) they think your doing the weekly shop for Charlie's Angels.
  1. Due to more fabric you convince yourself that you don't need to cover bum area a'la skinnies.
  1. DP will love them and want to act out scenes from Man About The House. As Richard O'Sullivan and one of the chicks, not as George and Mildred. I think anyway...
  1. Check one leg isn't turned up before stepping out of the house.
  1. High waists are not a friend of a) belly button piercings or b) long bodies (the exception being if you don't need to or can't actually sit down, ever).
  1. You get paranoid over so called 'invisible' panty liners and discreetly double check every 16 steps. Checking the ground behind you also counts as a subtle check.
  1. They are NOT boot cut!!!!

Other than that I love them! Free your legs ladies!

OP posts:
Hetaera · 03/10/2014 14:59

I dislocated my left big toe by catching it in the hem of my right leg on some flares. I then fell face first into the corner of a coffee table. However, my thighs look slimmer so hey ho Grin

Stupidhead · 03/10/2014 16:31

Hetera! It's worth it for the thighs! Think how the doctors in A&E must have admired them while checking your toe, and you've got 9 more toes!

OP posts:
mewkins · 03/10/2014 17:57

Puddles are not your friends. Nothing quite like the feeling of soggy flares flapping around your ankles.

Deathraystare · 03/10/2014 18:10

Well, let's hope only number 6 happens to you on a regular basis!!!

Flares always remind me of the short comedy skit of French and Saunders. They had on flares and hippish garb and walked in a really funny way to accommodate the flapping flares! If I remember rightly it was to the tune of Do you wanna be in my gang by Gry Gli*er.

I never went that far but did have bell bottoms!

ohmymimi · 03/10/2014 18:14

Oh yes, flares flowing over 3 inch platform soles in the 70s - turned me from Hobbit into Cyd Charisse at the flick of a zip. Happy days.
(Well, not quite flick of a zip, more lying on floor, wriggling, while struggling to pull zip up with a hanger.) The illusion of extra leg length was worth every twisted ankle, though.

Stupidhead · 03/10/2014 18:15

Puddles! Oh yes, a definite #11

And I'm practising my best come hither with feathered hair look right this second...

OP posts:
MagicCarpet · 03/10/2014 18:29

I thought this was going to be puddle-related. Am regular flare wearer and I have some that must be avoided on inclement days as they just soak water up to the knee! Grin

yellowsnownoteatwillyou · 03/10/2014 18:34

Do not fall asleep at a party and kick a beer can over, flares will soak the beer up nicely, all the way up past your knees, you will stink an have to walk home like this.

CointreauVersial · 03/10/2014 18:39

Catching toes in the flapping flare on the other leg - oh yes.

I don't need flares for this - I regularly faceplant on the stairs wearing loose legged PJs. I'd be a lethal weapon in proper flares.

Stupidhead · 04/10/2014 07:24

Well it's raining so a no flare day, all my tootsies will remain unbroken.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 04/10/2014 07:45

Pluses: they are really flattering and make your legs look really long. My fav pair of Citizens bell bottoms are skin tight to the knee and then the kick flares graze the ground. When I wear them with my highest heels I look like I have very long legs haha.

Madaboutthrows · 04/10/2014 09:32

The things we do for fashion eh.

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