How to look my age

[msfreud]

I'm 31 but people often assume I'm 25 at most. Sometimes, especially in a work context, I would really like to look more my age or even have people put me in the 30-35 age bracket.

Looking young runs in the family, my mum is 70 and people assume she is 60 at most. I might be pleased about my good genes when I'm her age but now, not so much...

I don't really have any wrinkles, but have a few grey hairs around my temples now. I dress quite grown up but smart casual (think basics from Boden and M&S, skirts from White Stuff, Seasalt, shoes from Clarks and Grenson).

I wear "neutral" make up i.e. BB cream, matte-fying powder, brown/beige eye shadows (have brown eyes and brown hair), eye brow pencil, mascara, lipstick (mostly a fairly neutral red). I wear glasses. I'm a short (5ft3) size 12. Can't really wear heels because I walk so much during the day. Have long hair (kind of a mumsnet haircut!) that I wear either down or up on a bun.

I can't pinpoint exactly how I could look any older - I assume not having wrinkles has a lot to do with it because most women my age seem to have some. Not much I can do about that... What do you think makes the difference between someone looking 20 and someone looking 30?

I really wouldn't worry.
I think that at work you should focus on your confidence and posture which will give you more gravitas. I'd be pushed to know the difference between a woman of 25 and 31- it' s only 6 years and no one is able to guess ages that accurately any more. I don't know any 31 yr olds with wrinkles, either, so maybe your friends look older than they are and you look 'normal'!

Seriously? Just give it another 15 to 20 years and looking too young will not be a problem. A life long friend was always assumed to be younger than she was but over the last couple of years she has aged dramatically and looks years older than she really is and is considering surgery. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Well I'm 29, have no wrinkles,
No grey hair at all, am 5' 9 and a size 8 and dress from more 'fashiony' shops. People think I'm 25 and I love it! They also assume I'm confident. Maybe you're over thinking
It? Who cares if people think you're younger if you're doing a good job?

I think the work thing feels more like an issue because

• part of my working week is as a counsellor/psychotherapist and I'm really aware that especially older clients assume someone in their (early) twenties doesn't know anything/has no life experience...
• in my other job I often go to meetings with a colleague who is an older man and I'm forever being addressed as his secretary/PA despite actually being a manager and in an equal job role to him

Take up drinking smoking and sun beds. Give it 5 yrs and you'll look your age

Just chill out and correct people's assumtions.

OP, I think it's probably one of those things that you are more aware of than others. If that makes sense?

I work in a similar field to you and have a similar 'problem' looking my actual age (33). However on the whole my clients don't seem concerned by it (and I've worked with a wide age range). If someone does seem concerned then I usually say something along the lines of 'I'm more robust than I might look...'

Age does not always equal life experience and if someone gets stuck with that then it's their issue, not yours. Plus I know people who have been put off older therapists because they were worried the therapist was too old. So you can't win really!

ps - I got plenty of lines after ds was born

Oh and the difference between looking 20 and looking 30 (for me) is generally to do with coming across as reasonably comfortable in own skin. Coming across as relaxed and gently confident will carry you further than wearing particular clothes etc. Hope all my ramblings help!

People always say I look like I'm in my twenties, I'm 36.

It has concerned me at work as I run my own business and lots of my contracts involve me convincing them to spend thousands of pounds on projects (domestic) and then building them, but I found as soon as you open your mouth you are taken seriously.

Be confident, sound like you know what you are talking about and be authentic.

As for your wardrobe honestly sounds like you dress your age so not much you can do, maybe wear more sophisticated make up ? Go to a Chanel or Dior counter and ask the assistant to make you look older, or buy eyeshadow and mascara, tends to have a glamourising and aging effect.

msfreud...i totally know where you are coming from. Sadly i had a meeting with my mother to see someone that was a counsellor and she was so young. She actually was very inexperienced and really didnt do much to help tbh but the point is, i agree that people can make judgments. Both me and my mum did. So how can you make yourself be taken more seriously...just be really knowledgeable, knowing your stuff. Steer clear from florals and stick to doctor type outfits...things from massimo dutti or very classic stylish clothes. Wide leg trousers, slim top/shirt. Pencil skirt to the knee, smart top etc.

msfreud...i totally know where you are coming from. Sadly i had a meeting with my mother to see someone that was a counsellor and she was so young. She actually was very inexperienced and really didnt do much to help tbh but the point is, i agree that people can make judgments. Both me and my mum did. So how can you make yourself be taken more seriously...just be really knowledgeable, knowing your stuff. Steer clear from florals and stick to doctor type outfits...things from massimo dutti or very classic stylish clothes. Wide leg trousers, slim top/shirt. Pencil skirt to the knee, smart top etc.

Speaking frankly would it be fair to say that at 5 3 and size 12 you are looking youthful because of a little bit of roundness to your face?

I'm the same height. If I go under 8.5 stones I feel slim but look more liney. If I'm between that weight and 9 stone I feel fat but my facial lines get plumped out. Seems I can't be slim and have a youthful face these days. Its either one or the other.

I'm 36 and have been asked for ID to buy wine a few times in the past few months!

Enjoy it, I say!

These are the things I found made me look more authoritative when I was in a similar situation:

Quality (leather) shoes with mid-height heels - helps with feeling confident and improves posture. Even though I'm tall already!

Strong lipstick (more matte than shiny)

Hair up during office hours

Minimalist (if any) earrings, rings, bangles; save the impact for a statement brooch or a pendant, if appropriate for the setting.

I sympathise as I suffer from the same thing. Long term it's not a problem as I'm more than capable but in the short term there's a definite feeling of having to prove myself beyond first impressions, not helped by the fact that I'm a female in a male dominated environment (IT). I do a consultant type role on short term contracts so unfortunately there are a lot of first impressions.

I don't even think I look younger than my years, but plenty of people seem to assume I'm not long out of uni when I'm actually 35. The fact that they're employing me at £350 a day doesn't seem to dissuade them of this idea either.