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Please help me de-frump!

32 replies

bakingtins · 10/09/2014 10:43

I'm normally a stranger to the style and beauty boards but I need your help! I have been reading the 'frump' threads which keep appearing in active convos with interest and I think I qualify by anyone's definition.
I'm 40 in a few months and have spent the last decade pregnant, miscarrying and miserable or breastfeeding. I've completely lost sight of who I am. Currently 4m post-natal with DC3, I'm pear shape and still a stone overweight (though I am working on it) and nothing fits. I wear v little make-up and my hair is a scruffy bob, dark blonde would be polite, mousy accurate. I have spent very little money or time on myself for the last 10 years, I have a wardrobe stuffed full of clothes I never wear, most of which is old, cheap and shapeless. I just want to throw the whole lot out and start again! It's hard to find time to shop without kids in tow, and I am terrible at shopping, I tend to panic and buy the wrong thing. I did have my colours done as a gift a few years ago (autumn)
The school my older children attend is in quite a deprived area - the mothers are either way overweight and hiding away in shapeless joggers and tents, or dressed to the nines (bleached hair, extensions, fake tan, big earrings, tight clothes) so I'm not seeing a 'look' I want to copy. I walk to school in all weathers and have a dog so it all needs to be practical.
I don't know where to shop, which shops cater for the middle ground between whippet skinny teenagers and M&S beige slacks?
I want to look groomed/chic but not too worried about trendy. I would be perfectly happy with a 'uniform' as long as it looks good.
I'm doing a 12 week program which incorporates diet, core exercises for my midriff and HIIT - hoping to be at least 12lb lighter and more toned by the end of it, I'm going to get my hair cut on Friday and will discuss getting it coloured as the grey is creeping in, and I've made an appointment to get my brows and lashes shaped and tinted.
What next? Please suggest some manageable changes I can make to banish the frump before I hit 40. I really need Trinny and Susannah on my case without the public humiliation.
Thanks if you read this far!

OP posts:
bakingtins · 10/09/2014 19:46

Thanks everyone. I think the posters who have said get to target first are right. Objectively I'm not that o'wt (BMI 26) but I'm short and don't carry it well, it makes me look dumpy. It may be just me but I can't shop unless I feel good about myself or everything just looks awful and I leave empty handed ( or buy another cheap shapeless Tshirt) I need to channel Uncle Gok a bit....
I will work on the other things that have been suggested in the next few months and take more notice of what looks good or doesn't on other people.
Thanks all!

OP posts:
bakingtins · 10/09/2014 21:53

Following the Mumsnet bra intervention rules (and tallies with fitting instructions on the website) I have ordered a 32F Blush Anita underwire nursing bra to try. I've noticed how round shouldered I've become, perhaps the right bra will help.

OP posts:
leedy · 11/09/2014 08:36

The right bra can make a huge difference! I went to a bra-intervention-compliant :) bra fitter a few months after DS1 was born and discovered the nursing bras I'd been "fitted" for pre-birth were entirely the wrong size, once I got the right one it was like I suddenly had a figure again. She provided me with a bin for the bra I wore in for the fitting...

bakingtins · 13/09/2014 14:46

Hair nicely cut, eyebrows tinted and tamed, and an under wired nursing bra that fits - I am a 32F, who knew ?! I feel a bit better already. My own little operation renovation is underway....
I've decided to take some money out of savings to renovate the wardrobe. What would you do with £1000 to play with, assuming starting pretty much from scratch?

OP posts:
ocelot41 · 13/09/2014 17:13

If you want any frocks I would go for a jersey wrap dress - you can bf in them and tighten them as you lose weight.

PrimalLass · 13/09/2014 17:54

I didn't bother with nursing bras at all second time. I just bought balconette bras and pulled the fabric down.

My best tip is to get long vests (These from Matalan are the best but H&M maternity also very good) and wear a shorter top underneath. Top up, pull vest down under boob. No tummy exposure.

Pastperfect · 13/09/2014 18:02

With £1000 I'd concentrate on a getting a great coat/pair of boots/grey skinny jeans. (No one will see anything else during a UK winter Grin )

Buy a nice bag and some scarves, pick up tops as you see them and in the spring get some nice ballerinas from the outnet (they always have discounted French sole)

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