Style advice and restyle for a frumpy phase

[Spidergirl8]

I've gone through a bit of a hard time recently. I'm trying to work through things but one thing that's certainly changed is that I feel like a frump. Other people at work etc say they like how I dress but to be honest I feel lack I've lost a lot of confidence.

I went back to my natural colour, mid brown, after being blonde for years after the arrival of my baby. Now I just feel that it looks greasy and limp. I've no idea what to do about make up and my DH recently, trying to be helpful commented that I wasn't to worry because 'I wasn't one of those glamorous girls who wore makeup and did my hair'.... He was trying to say I was more natural, but as you can imagine, not a great boost.

I'm 5ft 8ish, size 12, 32d, brown fine shoulder length hair (with some ombré sections) with some layers and an overgrown fringe that is mainly greasy and annoying and a mum tum.

Any tips or advice??!!

As a ps- I know that this is a insignificant rant in regards to what is going on in the world, but as this is S&B felt it was okay to post. Just don't feel confident admit how I'm feeling without being anonymous

First of all, rest assured that this is not an insignificant rant. One of the great pleasures in life is going to the wardrobe in the morning and putting together an outfit which will put a spring in your step for the day.
It sounds as though a hair rethink would be a good place to start. Would you feel better if you went blonde again? Do you have a regular hairdresser whom you trust?
Makeup also helps enormously. A good tinted moisturiser, concealer, blusher, mascara, lippie and some cream shadow sticks which are quick and easy to apply will make you feel more polished and glamorous without needing to spend hours every day applying slap. If within your budget, staff on Laura Mercier and Bobbi Brown counters are very helpful.
If you haven't had a post-baby bra fitting, do so forthwith. With your figure (and I say pshaw to the mum tum - easily conquered with the right clothes) you have lots of clothes options, but you do need to be properly supported norkwise.
Hard to be more specific on clothes without knowing what your job is or whether your primarily looking for workwear, off-duty clothes, or going out kit. But some first thoughts: some lovely jeans that fit; a great pair of funky boots; a grown-up jacket/blazer; a fitted dress (look for one with draping/ruching if you're worried about tummy issues); a cool sweatshirt. Scarves might not be ideal if your baby is still small, but they are a great way of lifting an outfit (and your mood).
Good luck!

You're tall and slim! the world is on your side

How would you describe your style now? what sort of clothes do you gravitate toward? modern and boxy? or something with a waist? do you like print? trousers and flats vs trousers and heels? dresses?

Re makeup - do you live near a decent department store, where you can go and be made up? a few brands are good for this - Bobbi Brown is one. You don't have to buy, just ask a lot of questions. They will be able to tell you whether you are warm or cool toned, why they're suggesting the products that they are. Imo a decent concealer, mascara, eye pencil, blush and everyday lipstick is a great bag of tricks. Everyday lipstick is the holy grail - something that you can wear whatever your mood, that wakes up your face and makes you feel a bit more done.

Fringe - wash it in the sink every morning and blast with a hairdryer! you can use the most basic soap Fairy liquid for this.

Cross post Mother

Seconded, this is not an unworthy concern OP. You absolutely have the right to think about the way that you look and feel, and for those things to be connected!

Thank you so much for getting back to me. I'm definitely going to try and pluck up the courage to go to Bobbi Brown, just feel so intimidated by the staff there. Years ago went for my bridal makeup, spent over £100 and they were still snooty, perhaps no I'm a bit older they may take me more seriously!!
I work FT and lead a team, in a semi-smart environment. Part of my problem is that in recent times I've done some binge shopping (not very proud of this) to try and create a look. I just then don't feel it all comes together. Today I wore a coral coloured t-shirt with navy linen trousers and wedges, all from Toast. I love the stuff, just don't feel right in it. I feel like I'm trying to go for a look but never quite make it. I love the way people like olivia Palermo or kate winslet dress. The kind of put together and not obviously trying to look too fashionably, but stylish in a semi-classic, semi-what's hot now way. I love the make up style of Kate winslet too, that kind of natural but classically made up.
I'm trying to grow my fringe into a side sweeping one from a straight down fringe, it leaves me looking like an 80s rock star, if that makes sense....

1. You work full time and lead a team. You do not need to be intimidated by staff on a make up counter!
2. Kate Winslet and (particularly) Olivia Palermo have whole teams of people working on creating a supposedly 'effortless' look for them. By all means take inspiration from them (and if I could dress like anyone it would be Olivia Palermo) but comparing your look to theirs is going to be pointlessly self-lacerating.
3. The Toast outfit you describe sounds great. What didn't feel right about it?

It just all looked a bit meh and sack like.... Though saying that,think I'm just being a bit sorry for myself. I do genuinely feel at a loss about what to do with my hair and make up and need to find a style that I stick too. I wear a little bit of makeup but it just doesn't stay in place. I feel so intimidated at those counters and haven't had great experiences in the past.

You're right about having teams of stylists though, when you put it like that I do feel a bit better in my frump status ;)
Can't tell you how good it is to be able to talk about this topic. The women at work are not interested in S&B at all it seems and my immediate circle of friends are not that into it either, I love fashion and beauty and miss being able to talk about it.

Toast things are lovely. Why do you think you don't feel right in it? can you put your finger on it? do you want it to be more avant garde? less? do you need accessories? would hair and make up make you feel different?

Fwiw, it sounds as though you're on track with your clothes in the sense that you say you love the things you've bought, and you're buying good quality separates. My general advice

• identify holes in your wardrobe and shop specifically to fill them - you could get all your clothes out and put them into outfits if it helps (should probably do this myself!), or identify looks that you like (eg jumper and skirt) and put them together
• conversely, spend time shopping with an open mind, not for anything specific at all, and buy the things that you stumble on and love.

These two strategies produce very different things - a wardrobe that actually works, but also some inspiration, slightly off beat pieces too.

I would look, if you haven't already, at J Crew (their shirts are fantastic and their sales are good) and COS (the best fabrics on the high street). Jigsaw is suddenly massively improved too, they've got some brilliant knitwear in their sale right now.

Re make up - be brave! and if they're snooty (though I think things have improved massively in the last 5-10 years), try another store / counter.

cross posts! I always spend too much time writing a bloody essay

You're in the right place spider, just lurk here a bit more and you'll be suitably led astray! In the nicest way
Can I suggest Pinterest to study different looks and start a few boards to collect together bits you like? Then edit.
Also can you get a bit of time to go shopping not to but, just to do a lot of trying on? I find that helps and makes me more realistic about what actually suits me rather than how I imagine I will look in something

There's a blog called Putting Me Together which has some great tips about building a wardrobe (rather than just randomly buying clothes lol)

Nowadays when I shop I always look at what I already have before I start and from that I am very specific about what I am looking for. It's really helped - I just don't have the cash or time to do otherwise any more tbh.

Toast clothes tend not to be very tailored. Have you tried jersey dresses with the aforementioned draping/ruching? Jackets with a nipped-in waist? Statement pencil skirt with a boxy T shirt and a blingy necklace?
Not having anyone to talk to about fashion and beauty is miserable - thank God for s+b!
Makeup staying in place: use a primer (Laura Mercier foundation primer is brilliant, ditto their Eye Basics as an eyeshadow base, or you can use it on its own with eyeliner) and the wonderful Laura Mercier (broken record - sorry) Translucent Setting Powder, which is completely invisible.

Now I'm the cross poster! /emo/te/1.gif

Agree that Toast clothes aren't tailored, though I think that's less of an issue than the type of fabric. Linen and cotton together will combine to produce sacky feelings whereas a linen and cotton shirt with something tougher like denim won't. In the same way you might balance a silhouette, think about balancing textures and - I don't have a good word! - the stiffness or thickness of a fabric. That doesn't really cover all the bases but you get the idea....

I would wear a t-shirt only at home or when I go for a walk, never in a work environment, or seeing people etc. nothing wrong with doing so, but it makes me feel unkempt. So I would look for a blouse or a sleeveless top, worn with a linen blazer over. I am rubbish at combining them, so unless I bought the mannequin, I wouldn't know how to put them together anyway.
My fail safe are dresses. Easy to accessorise. Just put it on and I'm away.

Find a good hairdresser :)

I use la roche possay quite a bit, gives my skin a nice smooth and glowing finish. Minimal make up: concealer around the eyes, mascara, blusher and a lipstick-do go to the counters, be quite firm about what you don't like.

If I may suggest, have a facial. And get naice underwear :)

Fake it till you make it is also a possibility. :)

Thank you for all of these tips, I'm making lots of notes! Today I'm going to apply some of your tips and see how it goes. I agree mother, so great to gave S&B so we can chat away!

I would start from the top down as this is what you see first in the mirror and would cheer you up more! I made a major change in haircolour after my baby and it has made a major difference (it took me four hairdressers to find the right one). I also had a brilliant session at laura mercier (again not the first time!) who asked me what I already had and worked with that. Now I have a really easy and great routine that gives me a big boost. Maybe new glasses/sunglasses/jewellery too? Your clothes sound lovely. I think working out outfits and seeing where the gaps are is great advice above and yes to reassessing underwear too!

I'd also really recommend a session with a personal shopper. Great for getting new ideas. John Lewis, House of Fraser, Debenhams all good.