Return of the Middle Aged Frump: Still frumpy

[NumTumDeDum]

So it's been a year since I sought help and other than throwing out some really hideous clothes, not much has changed. I just don't have many clothes now.

I misguidedly chopped my hair about 6 weeks ago and it looks hideous, and my waistline seems to be awol.

I am still clueless about clothes but have worked out a reasonable colour palette.

Can I once again ask your help? It's beginning to make me very miserable and avoid all family photographs which makes me sad.

I don't think I can be of much help as I also need all the guidance I can get :) I wanted to sympathise though cos I know how you feel, can't seem to get a handle on my weight. I think other more clued up posters will want to know more specifics before they try to help, eg budget, your size, your colouring, what type of lifestyle you need clothing for. Good luck.

Hi Juan, yes you are right. Ok. Used to be a classic hourglass, but with a very short body, there is about 2cm between my hip and my lower rib so any weightgain makes me look apple shaped. I have long legs for such a short body and so am rocking the humpty dumpty look currently with round body and skinny legs. Am well over 11 1/2 stone, stopped checking (coward) and should be around 10. I'm 5'4".

I have mousy thin hair which is looking blonde currently because of the sun. I don't think it suits. The bob is neither one thing or another, it either needs to be more structured and shorter or I need to grow it. Can't decide. Have grown out fringe which didn't suit.

Clothes - well I did take on board some advice last year, I now have skinnies, but am currently oozing out of top. Really don't want to go up another size (currently 14) so have just started slimming world and this time will actually go!

Colouring wise, I have rosy red cheeks, a few thread veins making an unwelcome appearance and generally fair.

Can you throw money at it?

If you can then

Personal shopper?
Good haircut and colour
Nails manicured or gel if that's your thing
Get the veins laser treated

Also get make up done at a good make up counter

Sadly no. Just starting up self employed so hardly any money coming in, and dh's income paying bills.

I think face shape might be a factor when deciding what to do with hair.

I am size 14, 5ft 2 and also a former hourglass with a round tum.
At least you have the long legs as I am short body short legs!

I have a short very choppy layered bob, slight side parting ( over inner right eyebrow) with shorter layers around face (so would suit an in between fringe), very short and graduated at back with longer choppy layers at front and sides. I use voluminous lotion to make it a bit more interesting looking. It takes a couple of minutes in the morning and is very easy. I use a large barrel hot hair brush to style it. It is just below ear length which seem to suit my formerly square (now just round) face.

Clothes wise. Two staples are longer blouses with skinnies and shorter blouses with boot cuts or boyfriend: relaxed skinnies. Sleeveless blouses with assorted cardigans.

eBay is a good source of cheap but good quality blouses from brands you know fits you. I filter for Topshop, oasis, French connection, monsoon, whistles etc and get some brilliant bargains.

Dresses I find skater styles and slightly fitted shifts. Knee length if I can find any!

Make up - a bright lippy always makes me feel glam and glossy even if I generally look awful otherwise!

Slimming World is ace. Good luck.

Thanks Bouquet I'm going to need it, have a real sweet tooth and a love of bread and cheese that I am going to have to reallt cut down on. I'm wondering if maybe I should go with hair like you describe. I've never tried it like that, always like the security of being able to put it up, but I think maybe my faceshape might suit it. Dh likes long hair but honestly it just looks awful long, fragile, and straggly.

NTDD, bad carbs are your worst enemy. If you like bread, eat it at the start of the day, and as the day carries on you should eat less carbs and much more fruit/veg. Eating carbs at the end of the day is a no-no, as your body is generally doing nothing to burn them up. Bananas are a good source of energy if you need it.

I am 5ft 5.5ins, at end of 2012 I weighed 12st 13lbs, I now weigh 9st 9lbs... and I did not go to any slimming club. U can do it! Hope you get on well with yours though.

Skater dresses and maybe floaty summer dresses should help give you a better looking figure until you can lose the weight you want to.

I'm also struggling to get a handle on my weight. I am 44. I am only 1 st overweight but I am short. If I could shift some of that weight I would look (and feel) a million times better. But can I do it? Can I????????? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr < at myself

Thanks everyone, some good suggestions. Fallen off wagon already after long day, starting fresh tomorrow.

numtum now the summer seems to have finally arrived, I find it much easier to eat salads and light foods rather than bread and stodge, but if I'm at home during the day I lose my willpower and grab the first thing that comes to hand. So I make myself a big bowl of salad first thing in the morning (or the night before), so it's already there for lunch (or to pick on during the day). I also take a salad with me on my work days, with plenty of extra if I get peckish mid-morning.

I'd suggest not beating yourself up too much about it, and not trying to do too much at once. First of all, attack the diet. Cut out one sugar-y/white carb-y thing you eat regularly. Once you've found a workaround, you'll forget it used to be a staple part of your diet. Then cut out/replace something else bad. If slimming world works for you, great, it's just I seem to hear of many going on and off SW/WW, so it doesn't really seem to be a long term solution. It's about changing your own habits (as an example, H & I pretty much eat no bread anymore. When we do, it's granary, but we both still regret it - without fail we'll feel sluggish in the afternoon. But we both grew up eating bread daily, and continued to do so into our 20s. I needed to review my diet due to IBS issues in my 20s, which really helped me focus on eating better, and H came to it himself by needing to keep healthy for a pressured job)

Next: exercise. Do you do any? Try to do just a little more if you're starting from scratch. Especially now the days are long, try to get outside for a brisk walk / jog if you can. It gives you headspace, will help with the weight, and is proven to be a mood-improver.

I think the key is baby steps, really, really baby steps - in that way it's less of a radical change, and there's less to beat yourself up about if you fall off the wagon (and if you do, so what. Don't catastrophise it or give up, it's just life.).

Good luck x

carrie74 that's fantastic advice. Just today I got a sobering sight of my expanding backside in the changing rooms at M&S and the shock made me start the Couch to 5K app.

Thanks carrie, been upset today, missed a reunion as I didn't want to go like this.

Sorry posted too soon. I am going to take your advice. Now I work from home I have no need to walk and school is only down the road so I am going to try tagging on an extra walk at pick up and drop off and see how I get on. Switched to sweetener on cereal and have started to avoid bread and cheese. Doing lunch night before is a good idea, it always creepe up on me and I end up eating toast and peanut butter or similar.

I only eat bread first thing as toast and have salad at lunch.

it is hard in 40s to keep waistline.

long legs are an advantage.