The ultimate S&B mission impossible...

[PhoneSexWithMalcolmTucker]

So I am going to a friend's 40th birthday party on Saturday. Hooray! Love parties. BUT:

• I have nothing at all to wear
• I have no clue about suitable partywear
• I am 1.5st overweight
• I seem to have some kind of weird permabloat going on that makes me look like a potbellied pig (am seeing doctor about it but very self-conscious in the meantime)
• we are skint
• the only possible chance I have to go outfit shopping is on Saturday, with both my small children in tow.

Lovely friend is tiny and has helpfully let me know that she'll be wearing 'a jumpsuit and heels'. Party will be full of other lovely stylish friends with flat tummies.

HELP ME.

Your size? Colours you like?
do you want Casual or glam? Short or long?
Budget?
What do you need in the way of shoes? etc..
Are you going shopping somewhere with High st shops?

If in doubt, black dress.

Can you wear one of your existing ones and just buy new shoes, bag, nail polish or lipstick?

I am currently a 12-14, pear shaped, about 5'3". I have nice calves and ankles

Can only really get to my local high street, which has small branches of Topshop, Primark, Next, Debenhams, New Look, TK Maxx. No H&M or Zara

Colour-wise, I have dark hair and quite olive-y skin so suit strong colours more than pastels. Unsure about print although could be persuaded. I look shit in anything frilly or wafty - not girly enough.

Honestly, even ideas about what sort of thing to look for would be good. I'm very aware that my trying-on time will turn into a trying time within about 30 minutes of hitting the shops with kids, so determined to maximise the opportunity.

A short fit and flare type style would suit you. Do you have shoes you could wear?

I think fit and flare only really good on the young and slim - I'm a size 10/12 and 44, and they make me look like a fat child.

Have you got jeans that you like? Heels? If so, might a top like this work, if your Debenhams has Warehouse in it? Long enough to cover tummy and loose enough to skim, but not too big and shapeless.

a dress?

Have you got a slim fitting pair of 7/8th trousers or full length that can be shortened? Wear with heals so you cross the gap between casual and dressy?

Short black dress. Bright heels.

www.thefashionspot.com/style-trends/330807-fashion-editor-street-style-new-york-fashion-week-spring-2014/#/slide/1 this kind of thing.

WHY are all the bloggers wearing their jackets as if they are caped crusaders?

I like that top Remus and it also covers my other self-conscious spot (arms).

Have no trousers (no anything really) but do have some excellent giraffe print shoes.

It pains me to say this because I have spent my life crowing over how unbothered I am about my physical flaws, but I just want to go there and feel good about myself and not have everyone muttering 'blimey, she's let herself go'. Which they won't, because they're my friends

Online, order a couple of sizes, pay for quicker post?

That is very pretty Bike.

Well, I had a great turn of fortune in the charity shop by my work today - found a lovely jade green dress with big black and white poppies printed on it, fits like a glove, looks new - £12.99 :) And I already have shoes I can wear with it, so DH can't moan about my outfit cost

I love it when Fate steps in like that malcolm. Bet you look a million dollars !