Returning to grey/natural hair. Not going well. I have some questions...

[40SomethingFabulouslyClueless]

I decided nearly a year ago to return to my natural (brown with grey/white) hair colour. I have long hair and didn't want to crop it short.

First hairdresser gave me a semi-permanent brown colour, saying it would wash out/fade and the natural colours would start to show gradually. Well there was nothing semi-permanent about it and ended up with a horrible, solid red/brown mop that looked like a wig. I didn't go back.

The next hairdresser suggested weaving a few highlights through and adding a toner, so that the greys would show through and it would blend the roots as they grew out. It looked lovely and I've been back twice since but all that seems to happen is more grey gets highlighted and it's not growing out at all! The highlights go brassy orange and the condition is now dry and frizzy. So now I have a mix of orange, blond and dark hair with grey bits showing at the roots. Not good. So...

How do I transition to grey gracefully? Or do I just have to suffer the 2-tone effect? What colours might be better? I don't want a short crop, but is there a longer length cut that wouldn't look too frumpy that might be a compromise? And why does my hair go orange?!

I shaved my head a few years ago, but I look like shit atm. Dont think I could get away with it.

No hats! Decided to just brazen it out although I have been wearing some 40's/50's headscarves recently.

I wear makeup everyday and dress very 'femme' so I think I looked ok but would never willingly shave it again.

I'l post a pic in a few weeks once it's grown more. I have to say I'm bloody loving the colour. And having healthy virgin hair after almost 20 years of dyeing is great too. Not to mention the money and time I'm saving in dye.

Grey is the new brunette .

I agree all the women who look good with their grey hair wear a fair bit of make-up.
It is a worry for me as I wear none at all day to day, and v little for high holidays and I think I'd look really washed out without my greys covered up.
Hence why I am having a whole load of brown henna on my head as I type…. - it seems less hassle than learning what to do with eyeliner and shit at my age.

I think grey hair looks good when it's a silvery white, on someone with blue eyes and pink, rather than yellow, toned skin. Looks all frosty and sparkly if you like.

I suspect on me, with greeny hazel eyes, and warm toned skin which tans easily, it would make me look twenty years older and completely washed out. I suit my hair a chestnutty brunette; it makes the green in my eyes stand out and suits my colouring. I'll stick my neck out and say I think that HowBourgeouis Blogger looks much better with dark hair.

margot very interesting. Your colouring sounds much like mine, though my eyes are more hazel than green. Thing is, all "grey"hair (that was previously dark) being a mixture of pigmented hair and white, looks silvery. The overall effect of mine is a dark gun metal colour I suppose, with an absolutely white white streak at each temple. I actually think that those white stripes frame and light up my face, like strategically placed artificial highlights might. Whether or not I look 20 years older, I don't know... I dress relatively young, and I suspect I look a bit confusing!

pacific Y Y to the make up. I'm not sure I will ever manage a full face of foundation, eye shadow and lippy. However, I am using blusher and highligher most days now (i did anyway pre-kids) and am toying with a coloured lip gloss or stain rather than just Carmex. When I can be arsed I also used liquid eyeliner with the whole flick thing at the corners.

Reading back, those 2 paragraphs are rather paradoxical! Maybe I would have arrived at the make up anyway, it's less than I have worn in the past, but more than when I was knee deep in sleepless nights and bottles. I'd still rather spend 5 minutes most days on a bit of make up, than an hour dyeing my hair every 2 weeks.

Bonzo sorry if I sounded rude, you sound very happy with your hair so that's what matters. I just know that when my roots are showing and I have grey around my hairline and temples it makes me look knackered, even with make up. Dyeing it mid brown immediately makes me look more vibrant and brings out my eyes and skin tone.

I would also fear the Alistair Darling effect as a pp mentioned .

Have read this thread & I am now in a quandry. My grey is now considerable. Was going to dye it tonight ( prob will anyway as big client meeting tomorrow), but so fed up of doing it so often. It's quite white I n front & pretty grey throughout......hmmmm.....

margot no worries! You know, the washed out thing definitely concerned me more when it was just a few weeks of regrowth. Not least of all because my aforementioned white streaks looked like little bald patches when in a pony tail! Now there is much more (about 3-4 inches of re-growth) the effect is different.

I'm still not convinced it's for me

I'll reconsider when I'm fifty.

The Alistair Darling effect - my late father & his mum, my Nana, had silver hair & kept their dark eyebrows into old age - I thought it looked striking just as well as mine's going the same way

I'm 18 months in (long hair). I'm still dying my hairline but leave the rest. I tie my hair up at the moment so the dark brown hides most of the grey (well pure white!). When it's more grown out I'll wear it down with darker flashes around my face while it grows out (layers are shorter there) or I'll bleach it platinum or something at the front. I hate this in between stage

Interesting what you say about skin/eye colour, it's the (main) reason i want to return to my natural colour. I've blue eyes and pink undertones to my skin (although it tans slightly) and brown dyes now look too heavy, even with highlights, and the blonde drains the colour from me.

I've been pondering the last couple of days and i think the cut, whatever the length, and the condition are the important things with grey hair. But then that's the case whatever the hair colour.

Interesting that you prefer how bourgeois with dark hair. I think it looks slightly fake (a shade too dark for her skin tone) and ageing, especially in the photo where the light isn't so flattering. If you put aside the association of grey with OAPs, i think her skin tone/eyes look much better with grey, and therefore younger? Grey is only ageing because we aren't used to seeing it on younger women or at least that is what i tell myself

howbourgeois.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/to-go-gray-or-not-to-go-gray-now-that.html?m=1
How Bourgeois has just updated her blog with some interesting pointers on whether to take the plunge

Oh, she loves us!! Hi Bourgeois, love you too, you are inspirational and you do look HAWT!!

I think I might be allergic to hair dye now I had no problems while bleaching my hair but have dyed it dark again and have a massive Lupus flare up.

Seriously, for anyone who hasn't tried them - Daniel Field colours are worth a go. No PPD etc.

Daniel field dyes aren't as good as they're made out to be, at least in their allergen/chemical credentials. Check out this helpful website which gives a lot of information on hair dyes, allergens, chemicals etc, and gives some entirely natural hair dye options.
Skinsmatter.com

www.skinsmatter.com/eczema_and_skin_conditions/hair-care/articles/ppd-alternatives-08-13.html
Proper link to the relevant page

I'm biting the bullet and stopping the dye, I have my new Going Grey Pinterest board set up
I reckon it could be completely grey within 6 months if I keep it at the length it is now, but I will probably go very short, at one point, to speed it up.