Is anybody else struggling with turning 4-0?

[FrankCarsonsDressingRoom]

I'm obsessed. I turn 40 in three days and just can't face it....as you can see by the timing of this post it's keeping me awake.

I don't look old as such.

I've got lovely clear skin, but lined to buggery.
I've lovely white gnashers but I'm missing one. (You couldn't tell tbh)
I've got long thick hair but its dragging my face down and I can't bear to cut it as I've had long hair all my life and know of I go for the chop, it'll be game over.
I've got two lovely kids but permanent-muffin top mummy apron combo.

I've also got a school friend who died when she turned 40 a few months ago and another with "incurable cancer" who will be lucky to see 45. So I'm Shamed about being this bothered...only my husband and best friend know I feel like this.

I refused a 40th, refused a group meal. Was going out with husband but have now decided d rather stay in and get some fine sushi and champagne. I'm not depressed about it, just feel like I'm desperately hurtling downhill. I'm sure the fog will lift after Wednesday...won't it?

Any advice? Is this normal or do I need counselling?

I was excited about turning 40. I love new starts and rites of passage. Like 'New Year' to the power of 40. I keep thinking I'm 41 already, but I'm still 40 for a few more months! I had a big party as I like celebrating things...all my friends from different walks of life in one place. It was brilliant. I felt no different. I guess ultimately I'm really happy with the difference between 30 and 40 in my life - (husband, kids, kids, kids, house) - so it's not a scary thought. My hair was quite white at 27, and even whiter at 37 (I have been dying it for years and years), so there's no obvious signs of aging. I probably look better than I did at 35 with 3 very young kids. I am hoping 40 to 50 will be equally amazing. I'm certainly hoping to be fitter than I was at 40 (which is easily possible!). Why don't you think of some things you'd like to do/ achieve in the next decade? So it's not 'downhill' but just another stage. Otherwise, you're going to be a really miserable 60 year old - when actually these days people are doing tons of stuff at 60.

Oh, and something I read on a birthday card once. "You're never as young again as you are today!". Enjoy each day and make the most of it.

I'm sorry you're feeling down about it.

not sure what to suggest.
a friend just turned 50, he was really depressed about it for month.
he seems ok now.

(I'll be 40 in August, but due with our last baby in July so I'll be too busy to worry about turning 40.)

Building things up in our minds tend to be worse then the actual event itself so I hope you'll have great birthday and feel better after Wednesday.

Hi frank. I think it's very upsetting when you have friends around you dying of cancer. So are you possibly equating turning 40 with increased chance of illness? When my friend died at 27 of cancer it did shock me to my core.

I now see each birthday as a privilege and lucky that I have been graced with another year if that doesn't sound too annoying. Not sure i would want a big 40th either, but only as I hate being the centre of attention.

I love merrymarigold's attitude!.

I know a makeover is a bit of a cliche but why not work out the bits of your appearance you aren't happy with? You could get a personal trainer, or go to a great hairdresser? I think it's possible to me much fitter and healthier as you age with hopefully slightly more time on your hands.

I'm also going to be 40 this year. My problem is not that I'm going to be 40 soon but that i'm heading towards 50! You can trash your body in your 20s, make your family with your body in your 30s but 40s really count. I look at my mum and my aunt and I know what I want, health. Am trying to eat well, be active and plan some nice days out around my birthday! Good luck & happy birthday x

I'm turning 40 too this year. I have felt slightly like my body is starting to let me down - not in a mjaor way but lots of little niggles, aches, pains.
And my teeth too Frank, a dentist has been trying to extract back ones (long wisdom teeth saga) and made me feel like a toothless old crone.
Really sorry about your friend . My old boss died very suddenly last year at 50 and even that was enough to make you question mortality.
It is a milestone but like others said, use it to think of what you've achieved and where you want to go.

It's understandable to feel a bit depressed though, dh is a year younger than me , and dd1 keeps talking about how Mummy is the oldest in our family

It's understandable to be questioning your mortality as you get older especially when friends/family die. But 40 is still young in the scheme of things.

Don't be ashamed at feeling down about becoming 40. My best friend felt similar to you. She didn't want to celebrate so we organised a surprise for her instead.

As for me, I turned 40 last year and totally embraced it. I had a massive party with my loved ones, wore a fabulous dress and was lucky enough to receive lots of wonderful presents.

If you want to stay in with sushi and champagne then do that. Don't feel that you have to go out. As for your hair you can have it cut without ginger short short. A few inches off or a few layers may make all the difference.

Have a great day whatever you do.

I am over half way through my 40's, I look back on the actual day with fondness....huge party, weekend away and friends and family around me ( some now sadly gone) It is true you will never be this young again, so stand tall and enjoy it. If we are the lucky ones we get old......many don't....as you sadly know op.
Yes our bodies show signs of ageing, but ageing is a sign of a live lived. It is fine, being over 40 is really no big deal.

Despite knowing how lucky I am to have reached the grand old age of 42, I have to admit to finding ageing difficult. The bloom of youth has well and truely left the building and its hard to see your skin deteriorate.

Hi, I am almost your birthday twin as I will hit the big 4-0 next weekend

I struggled with it for a while but now it is almost here, I am surprisingly ok with it. Have planned a weekend away with my parents, siblings and all our families and then a weekend away at Centre Parcs with just me, DH and the DC's a couple of weeks later. Have a couple of meals planned this week with colleagues/friends. I think all these are making it easier as I have so much fun stuff to look forward to over the next couple of weeks.

What I do regret is not organising a party as I have lots of seperate groups of friends/acquaintances who I would have liked to celebrate my birthday with and I cannot afford or have the time to go out with each group individually. A party would have solved this problem but it is now too late I didn't want one as I am not keen on being the centre of attention but it would have been worth the embarrassment

I look much younger than 40, am very healthy and exercise a lot. I am overweight and did aim to lose weight before I hit 40 but I only managed a stone (need to lose 3)

I think you just need to embrace it - there is only one other option to not turning 40 and I know which I would prefer

Happy birthday

Turning 40 is much better than the alternative.

I'm a decade older than you and swiftly heading for 50. My 40s have been fantastic; self assurance, confidence a greater sense of who I am etc. other than death, there is nothing you can do about age, embrace it.

Turning 40 in a couple of weeks.

Utter disbelief here, plus fear of illness. Have health anxiety anyway. Lots of little niggles happening to set me off worrying.

Don't look too bad, but have started to gain weight and the jawline is softening. Skin tone not what it was, either.

On the upside, am in love for the first time ever, and dp will get me through it.

I need to get a grip. As someone said up thread, it's better than the alternative.

I turned 40 a few months ago, and didn't want a party either - I look younger than my age, and didn't want to remind everyone I wasn't as young as all that!

One thing I never expected to feel is a gratitude for the functionality of my body, rather than the aesthetics of it. A few close friends and family have been ill, and that puts things in perspective. Last year I decided to do Couch to 5K, on the grounds that my knees were never going to be this young again, and if I didn't learn how to run now, I never would. Also, I needed to lose a stone or so, and this felt like more of a project/celebration/achievement (sorry, I can't think of a clear way to explain it) than just going to the gym and dieting. I've been on and off with it since - am currently back up to week 6 - and it does make me feel connected with myself in a way I haven't felt before, and that somehow took the edge off turning 40. I knew it was just a number, nothing else.

Obviously I've also felt the urge to ramp up the moisturiser and consider shorter haircuts. But the haircut thing passes.

I turn 40 this winter.

I'm struggling with it too...for many reasons.

I am trying very hard to find positives and also am trying hard to live in the present.

I read this quote...it struck a chord with me....

"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many"

Treat yourself to something lovely, and spend your birthday doing what makes you happy.

I'm 57 and it doesn't seem five minutes since I turned 40. So, in that sense, you have a point about hurtling. The next 20 years will fly by. I'm very sorry about your friends. When contemporaries begin to die, it is deeply shocking. I don't think you ever get used to it.

Personally, I wouldn't ignore your feelings but I would try and put them to positive use. So if there are still things you want to do with your life then make a plan to get them done.

And yes, start taking more care of your looks and - even more importantly - your health, because frankly, looking good does become harder work - although perversely, I also find it more satisfying! If your stomach is getting you down, then do something now because it's 10 times harder to shift once you hit the menopause. Or just make your peace with it. (I recommend Spanx!) And sort out your hair, not because of that stupid no-long-hair-at-40 rule but because you say yourself that it's dragging you down.

That said, I had the best fun ever in my 40s. And my 50s have been pretty good too!

Yes. I'm in my last days of my thirties too. Nothing planned for the actual day except a day off work, studying and a hygienist apt .

My 40's will be the decade people I know start getting cancer, hell, I might get cancer. Shit starts happening . I don't have any success to look back on, or forward to. No career (I have a job), LP, just about getting by.

I hate that my abs are vanishing and I can't lift the heavy weights like I used to. If I could get to the gym every day and the kids would let me sleep then I think I'd be fine.

I also turn 40 this year. I think I'd have been ok with it as a "number" but I'm in the process of separating from my H and the thought of being single for the first time since my early 20's and having to subject another man/men to my 40 year old, wrinkly tummed, slightly overweight body is filling me with complete horror

On the plus side, I start training for a new career (one I've wanted to do since leaving school) in September. I'm also trying to watch what I eat and going to the gym lots. I'm doing the Three Peaks Challenge in June

I don't know what to do in terms of actually celebrating my 40th. Most of my friends are/were mutual friends with me and ex h. A party will be awkward. I've got no one special to go away with :-(

But nevertheless, it's better than the alternative.

Sorry about your friends :-(

I've found being over 40 very hard. My father had had two heart attacks by 41 and aged very rapidly.

I'm not coming to terms with ageing at all. Back and hips have been on huge painkillers recently, my teeth are playing up and I'm starting to look quite wrinkly.

I was already wisdomous so there's no extra benefit there either with ageing

I know I'm being self centred, trust me, I'd never admit the depth of my feelings to anybody in real life. Ultimately, I just feel sad about ageing, as does everybody....i never even had a cleansing routine until this year, so for me I've gone from unaware of my appearance to being obsessed over it.

I'm getting a sax next week, have always wanted one, plus lessons, so looking forward to that. just feel a bit shocked because I was childless until I hit 35, and had a very carefree life, I just can't believe I'm turning 40. And I'm sure the day after my birthday, Ill stop caring, obsessing over plastic surgery which I'd ever do anyway, and start relaxing into it!

Happy birthday to everybody turning 40 soon, were indeed lucky to get this far!

A sax sounds great - and far more effective than Botox Enjoy your birthday.

You're not being self-centred, you're just being introspective which isn't a bad thing.

I'm going to be 50 in a few weeks and I've spend most of the year so far preparing for it. I decided by this age I should have a wardrobe that works, a decluttered house, a skincare programme that suits me and a make-up routine that reflects who I am. It's been rather exciting actually but has left me feeling a bit narcissistic - but that's ok for a while!

I've been researching new sorts of books to read, bought a meditation CD, a book on Mindfulness and will take up Pilates this week.

Like merry I LOVE a fresh start, look upon it as a time for change - that way you might feel you're in control rather than having things foisted upon you.

Happy Birthday! You have a few days to get your arse in gear, declutter and plan additions to your wardrobe, sort out your make-up bag and buy a book. Good luck!

40s are my best decade so far...enjoy them everyone!
Real beauty is in your smile, your eyes, your confidence, your life experience and how you treat other people surely?

Wow! I am not half depressed about turning 40 - in fact just the opposite - I had my high school reunion and saw that some of my classmates were not lucky enough to make it to 35.
The way of turning 40 can be done the following way:

1. THE J.LO

Start looking a bit wrinkly, disappear for 3 months and then reappear having had extensive surgery and poisonous fillers injected into our face, saline bags sewn into our chest, looking younger than before (think she learned that trick from Madonna), looking undeniably good though.

1. GET A GRIP

Realize that the beauty of women having an age expiration date is bullish*t marketing that we are fed on a daily basis to make the billion dollar cosmetics industry flourish, and just concentrate on having fun and enjoying life instead. I think I'll be join with option 2 then.

Whoops - going not "Join" :)