I really need some help...I feel pretty miserable

[WheelieBinThief]

I have never really understood style/fashion/makeup, but recently I've been really struggling. I put on a bit of weight, taking me from a 10 to a 12, and since that, plus becoming a mother, I have been completely lost. I am in my mid 20s, and the first of my friends to start a family.

I feel that I am caught in the middle somewhat- I feel a bit 'past' (and a bit too fat) for the styles worn by my 20s friends, but still too young for the sort of clothes worn by the mum-friends I have made, who are all 10plus years older than me.

Added to that, I am an awkward shape- sort of rectangular, with wide, round shoulders, biggish boobs, no hips, and a pouchy c-section overhang.

Everything feels uncomfortable and badly fitting on me- ever since my c-section, I feel irritated by tight things around that area- underwear,jeans, leggings, tights. I'm happiest in warm weather, when I can just throw on a cotton summer dress. Textures irritate me as well. To be honest, when I get back home after being out, I can't wait to get everything off me and get my pyjamas on.

Ideally, I would like to wake up in the morning, get dressed, and stay dressed until that evening without feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

Oh, and I have brown hair which is just past my shoulders, and I am quite solidly built & broad-faced. I weight about 10.7 and am 5'6, my boobs are 34DD, waist is 29/30.

I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again

I would wear nice quality cotton things near your c section as near to j a m a s type feel as you can such as good quality leggings. It must be hard to be first in your group to have children but you can celebrate being to young yummy mummy. ! On top wear something that you like and cheers you, and soon you will start to feel better I'm sure. If the scar is giving you trouble maybe use bio oil on it to soothe? If you don't feel great clothes wise for now how about doing nice make up and hair to help you feel good and little treats like some flowers etc may help??your tummy will soon go and your waist is small! All the best there are a lot of changes going on for you and when you feel bad remember that " this season will end"'and things will change. Be kind to your self and be true to self and yr mojo will come back !!

I still have my c-section pouch and it's been ten years. Even now it can irritate if I'm wearing the wrong underwear. Lots of gentle but soothing cream on your scar and cotton underwear is best for not irritating it. Soft leggings and dresses are easy to wear and don't cause discomfort on the pouchy bit, the dresses also help disguise it if you're a bit self conscious about it.

I think that you sound a bit low all together.
I think we have all felt like you are describing at some point and it is awful. < hug>
I think start to focus on one good bit and fan out from there.
Choose one.
When you start to think mean things about yourself balance them with good things...like, I hate my bloody pouch belly but look at my lovely scraggy baby. It will help

My advice to you would be this.

What colours do you like? Find that old.
Can you paint your nails in those sorts of colours?
What can you do with your hair and earrings?
What good shoes or boots might you come across?

I didn't have a style for a long time but like you knew what I gravitated to that made me feel comfortable. I think chucking out stuff that is definitely what you want to get away from is a good start, and then add things one at a time that define where you want to move towards. Slowly does it.

And also changing diet to a whole food diet has sorted out weight issues.

Also you speak of being an awkward shape but I bet you are like one half of us, we all are either one shape or another really I think. So for an apple shape you want boob dresses which fall and skim, short. Then good tights or leggings, and then a good shaped boot. I bet you have good legs right? I love leg warders because they are cool with boots and tights and shirt dresses in winter, and great also with bear legs and flip flops in summer, and also under long skirts in summer.

Bare legs, sorry!

OK, you probably need to re-assess your bra size. It's quite unusual for a size 10/12 with your waist size to need a 34 bra. Can you measure following this guide?

A really good bra will help re-define your waist and make your clothes fit better.

Ronald McDonald is right, we have all felt like that. Hugs from me to. You've been given some great advice!!

Ronald McDonald is right, we have all felt like that. Hugs from me to. You've been given some great advice!!

Thank you everybody

Sorrel I just measured my bra size with a body tape, going by that guide. I'm pretty sure I'm doing it right, and I'm 34 underbust and 38 around my boobs. I am very broad at the top- even when I was 8 stone and an ironing board, I was still wearing loose 10s/small 12s up top.

I like the idea of leg warmers my legs are definitely my best feature

Do you do quite a lot of sports/have a muscly build? It's more usual (but not wrong!) to have a (tight) under bust measurement that is similar to your waist measurement. A 5" difference suggests that you really widen out at the top of your torso?

Yes, I really do. I used to do a lot of horse riding, and schooled a few difficult horses who enjoyed trying to rip my arms out of their sockets, and I did have quite muscly arms. When I put on weight, it goes to my arms straight away.

So what's your plan wheelie bin?

I don't know, I've just spent the last 2 hours cleaning out my wardrobe, getting rid of stuff that I don't wear or that I feel doesn't suit me, ironing everything, brushing down coats etc.

I still don't know what sort of things I should be wearing, though I'm browsing the net for soft leggings like Onelittlelady suggested

Have also been having a look at style and beauty threads, it seems that I need scarves?

How about nice scarf and boots as starter?

Becksondergard scarves are loved by many here, also various Ash boots. I find a slight heel makes me feel and walk slimmer.

I also got fab Boden leopard boots last week, I found the print and wearability of them (so comfy) really cheered me up (as different) and this was week I got dumped and my cat was put to sleep.

Finally don't underestimate new lipstick pref brighter I'd suggest Bobbi Brown.

Good luck and chin up!

I'm funny about waistbands too - I blame it on my c section, but actually it's just finally given me an excuse .

I wear a lot of jersey dresses with soft opaque tights in winter and bare legs in summer. Also like leggings in leather or print - am not a fan of plain leggings, but like the comfort factor!

I love a good scarf, but they aren't essential if they don't feel right for you. I favour massive textured scarves rather than the more typically available smaller softer scarves. Zara quite often has a good selection IME.

Is there a look you particularly like that you could attempt to replicate/draw inspiration from?

wheelie if you have a primark, the leggings from there are very soft, sit on the waist not the hips and mine last ages. I'd suggest sizing up one for comfort whilst your scar is sensitive. They come in quite a few colours too so you can vary them. They are cheap as well so not a lot wasted if you decide you don't like them/they don't suit. Sainsburys also do some good ones though I'm not sure what colours they come in

A good haircut and/or colour, depending on what you can afford and what you actually want and maybe a mini makeover at a make up counter you like might be a good boost. perhaps ask for the SA to emphasize one feature, like your eyes and show you how to make the most of them.

A little pick me up like a nice perfume can really make you feel better. I suffer terribly with depression but a little thing like a squirt of perfume can really change my outlook on things. Even on days when I stay in my pjs, a little something that smells beautiful makes me feel a bit better about myself.If you'd like help picking something, there's a thread with plenty of very knowledgeable ladies who could help. Do little things like that or painting your nails etc can help you feel less down and more liek you have some control IYSWIM? One of the biggest things that got me after birth was how little control I felt I had over my body but taking the time to do the little things for myself helped me slowly regain that feeling of control if that makes any sense?

you don't need scarves but they can add a bit of a finishing touch to an outfit. I wear them and have a nice collection of cheap ones in lots of colours. Even a pair of simple earrings can help you feel more 'finished' and like you've made an effort.

I think wait before you rush into anything and decide whether it's self care or look that needs work and in which case, what work to be done. What sort of women's clothes and looks do you gravitate towards? What sort of woman do you want to look like. In the best possible way I mean!