So, who makes 'The Rules'?

[ToastedTeacakes]

Inspired by the never ending stream of 'mutton' and 'is this age appropriate' threads that keep popping up on here.

I understand, truly I do, how easy it is to succumb to this crap, how you're just ambling along dressing like you've always done and then BAM!!! you stumble unwittingly into a mutton thread and begin to doubt your entire wardrobe. It's effing insidious, so it would be nice to begin an anti-mutton thread, where we can challenge this muck-heap of ingrained self doubt and kick it to the other side of never.

I will turn 40 in a few weeks, and although my appearance/style has altered (slowly and naturally, I suppose) over time, I have no intention of outright banning anything from my wardrobe once the big 40 has come and gone. I doubt I'll be buying a pair of denim hotpants (never my thing anyway) but my legs are staying visible, my hair is gonna keep growing, and I will shop wherever the fuck I want.

Anyone with me?

Here are a few of those dubious rules that both puzzle and infuriate me:

1. Cut your hair (yes, was the fashionable thing to do when my grandmother turned 40).
2. Don't wear mini skirts.
3. You can't experiment with style, you are supposed to have already cracked it.
4. Choose between face and arse (oh fuck off do).
5. Don't wear it if you were wearing it first time around: so that pretty much excludes everything, including flares, skinnies, mini's, midi's, ankle boots, tall boots, peacoats, trench coats, and frigging knitted hats.
6. At your age you have to buy quality items which will assist you in looking less haggard (possibly the biggest pile of shite I have read so far). It is true that I personally prefer classic, higher quality, well cut clothing, but it ain't going to make me appear any goddamn younger. Just a tad wealthier, so let's be honest.
7. You can't frequent the likes of H&M or Topshop: OK. Try and stop me. I will reserve the right to pick and mix, whether it's Topshop, Great Plains or Isabel Marant.

There are many more 'rules' so please feel free to add and dissect them.

I think that the most crucial issue here is that these assumptions suggest that to be over a certain age renders one as somehow 'lesser' or wanting. Youth is a life stage, it isn't any more or less more beautiful or perfect than middle age. Who decides at what age I am supposed to feel less valued? Why should I pine for what has gone? I actually like myself now.

Not only this, but if you prefer to opt out and not give a shite you are then labelled mumsy or frumpy. Mindboggling.

This lady inspires me:

la-mariniere.tumblr.com/post/73176570094/linda-rodin-just-discovered-so-many-wonderful

yy scarlet, I'll be 39 this year and, while I'm not sure I can say I look better than ever, I certainly feel better about the way I look.
We should all wear what feels good for us, whatever our age.

My mother says she is finally affected the face/arse thing, and she is in her mid-60s, so you might have a fair while of having a nice face and arse for a couple of decades yet! She has lovely skin and great bone structure, so got away with it for a long time IMO (and really, neither are exactly disaster areas now, she just finds she looks a bit gaunt if she goes below a size 12, which at 5'4" is hardly obese).

I got told I was too old for Topshop recently. I am 31 (I ignored the advice).

Liking all the positive comments on this thread. I too get fed-up the the mutton police (great phrase) on MN.

Also, this comment is true once you get to a certain age: 5) Don't wear it if you were wearing it first time around: so that pretty much excludes everything, including flares, skinnies, mini's, midi's, ankle boots, tall boots, peacoats, trench coats, and frigging knitted hats.

I'm mid-forties and (apart from a few lines) am generally happy with my face. DH is very complimentary about my arse .

I'm 39 and ignore all those rules as I like how I look / dress. I have a good haircut, wear flattering make up and have a personal style that works for me. Funnily enough, DH said I more glam and, consequently, look better than when I was younger (we've been together since I was 25).

A few posts resonate w me: "as though being older makes you somehow lesser", "lumping together of older women" and "trying to keep us in our place". Yes, we should all reject all that oppressive nastiness.

I did read something interesting by Lucia Van Der Post, who I think is fabulous: "the older you get the less classic you can afford to be. A brilliantly tailored understated suit may look divine on a slim young thing but once you're over fifty you'll just look mumsy. ... [O]pt for something much more dashing". Yes, it's another rule, but it's far more liberating than the others as it encouraging boldness in how we dress, rather than suggesting we should become invisible.

Magnifying mirrors are the work of the devil! And there's an old woman who stands in front of me whenever a shutter clicks! Otherwise, I'm wearing almost the same as ever. DH still likes my arse, and DS (14) is generally kind about my sartorial choices (but thinks my leather jeans are meh). At 57 my style is similar to 37: ultra plain jeans, sludge-coloured v-necks, wedge boots or walking boots/Wellies. Bright scarves, sculptural jewelry, and a contrasting bag... yellow is the current favourite as it goes with everything!

Lucia van der Post is almost always right bunny!

A few posts resonate w me: "as though being older makes you somehow lesser", "lumping together of older women" and "trying to keep us in our place". Yes, we should all reject all that oppressive nastiness.

^ this, totally agree. Older women were once looked up at, the crone was a woman that had the wisdom of years on her side, now she has been thrown onto the scrap heap by society. Well it is time to claim back our power.

I seem to have inherited from my grandma a tendency to feel that some things are "inappropriate" for my age - it's not a trait I like and I try to fight against it. My mum doesn't have it - she still has long blonde hair and wears leather trousers (she insists they're very practical for a grandma of a toddler as they wipe clean!)

I remember feeling really sorry for my grandma at her youngest son's wedding. Because he was late-in-life surprise who then got married in his 40s to a younger woman, she was more than 20 years older than the mother of the bride, and very aware of the fact.

She'd always been a very attractive, stylish woman, and the ageing process bothered her. DM and I spent ages helping her find a wedding outfit, and she eventually found one in a shop she wouldn't normally look in (think it was Hobbs). It was a soft, chiffony dress with a jacket over it and she looked lovely in it and what was even better was that she knew it - you could tell from the way she looked at her reflection that she quite "fancied herself" in it!

But as the wedding got closer she began to panic that it was "too young" for her. She asked her other son (not the one who was getting married) what he thought and the stupid sod said it was! DM and I were furious with him but nothing we could say would change her mind after that - she wouldn't wear it and bought a very plain suit instead.

This story has a happy ending of sorts though - I persuaded her to wear the original outfit to my wedding a few months later, and she looked beautiful.

theoldhag - think you should change your name (mind you, mine is a bit ridiculous) to something more befitting an older, strong woman. Not a hag. My paternal grandmother was a true matriarch - not on the scrap heap at all - she was where she wanted to be and when. Her fashion sense was abominable, but in many other respects, the older she gets, the more I realise how tremendous she was.

cressetmama - isn't she?! I often re-read bits of her book. She's someone I think I would be pleased to know.

OP

you have made up those rules yourself

Ruth - oh your poor grandma getting the wobbles like that. I hope you kicked your uncle. Glad she wore the outfit later, though.

er - that blog is just stripey stuff

My mum is about to be 70 and loves fashion as much as she did in her 20's. She wears Whistles and Joseph, Acne Pistols, Prada heels, MJ and Anya bags, Tom Ford make-up. She has a fabulous, sharp haircut and beautiful skin.

She would laugh if you told her she wasn't following the rules. What rules, whose rules?

I am 44 and wear skinnies, dresses, skate shoes, cashmere jumpers, sweatshirts, whatever I like and I enjoy. I can't understand why I should change the way I dress because someone else deems it 'inappropriate'

There are only two rules as far as I'm concerned

1. Wear what suits you

1. wear whatever makes you happy

We are all far too concerned about what other people think of us, it's not a good way to live IMO

What is an MJ bag?

I am guessing Marc Jacobs

I absolutely agree with you in principle about more things, and I am game for any type of revolution! :)

1. Cut your hair - My hair doesn't do short

But this bothers me oh so much, despite the various threads ( I started one a year or so ago) saying how it doesn't matter, I have very long hair and a predeliction for looking like scary Mary from the phones 4 U adds unless I spend time straightening and styling ( which I hate to do)

2. Don't wear mini skirts -

I have a (second hand charity shop) boden mini skirt I wear with thick tights, I wouldn't wear a mini skirt in the uk, I do on hols though.

3. You can't experiment with style -

I do all the time - sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt

4. Choose between face and arse - I know women who certainly should have chosen face, dieting to an 8/10 when you are a natural 14 is not always a good move.

I lost a lot of weight, and I don't understand what this rule is? I have absolutely no arse - so no choice!

5. Don't wear it if you were wearing it first time around: so that pretty much excludes everything, including flares, skinnies, mini's, midi's, ankle boots, tall boots, peacoats, trench coats, and frigging knitted hats. - I'd have to walk about stark naked.

I agree with some of this actually, if there is a distinctive 80's style - adam ant type jacket, brimmed dexy's hat. I look stupid, whereas my DD (20) looks fab. It has to be a distinctive nod to a fashion era - which I don't think knitted hats or ankle boots or trenchcoats are tbh

6. At your age you have to buy quality items which will assist you in looking less haggard

this is more about showing off that you can afford it - I agree

7. You can't frequent the likes of H&M or Topshop

I wouldn't go in topshop as a rule - as I don't like the styles.

I do go in H&M and do not think it is a particularly 'young' shop

Something bloody terrible happened to Topshop when Philip Green purchased it in the 90's. The quality used to be quite lovely, if I remember correctly, I could always find a decent, wool, winter coat there. It's not so much about the items being particularly 'young', but more along the lines of cheaper, thinner, ridiculously unflattering cuts - everything stuffed full of moulting angora or saggy acrylic.

The only thing Philip Green touched that didn't deteriorate rapidly was M&S food.

Everything I have bought in Top Shop has looked great - until I've washed it. I just never learn...

Ugh, angora - I can't even walk past the stuff without fibres of it floating towards me. Hate the stuff. I did buy a gorgeous abstract leopard print cotton blend coat from TopShop in the sales that I haven't worn, let alone washed, yet. It looks very striking and quite luxe (I saw a woman wearing it w an all black outfit, in Liberty, and she looked amazing). Also, their Baxter skinnies are great, and their boots can be terrific value for money. But so much of everything else is cheap and nasty.

I'm with you OP! I'm forty in October and they shall wrest my blue hair dye, goth and vintage style clothes from gasp Topshop among other places, big clompy boots and perspex jewellery from my COLD DEAD HANDS.

However, my husband (who is also a bit of an alternative dresser) is eight years younger than me and I often have a little snigger at what his reaction would be like if he came home to find me dressed in a Mutton Police approved manner so I may have to try it one day. ;)

Clompy boots and perspex jewellery - sounds bloody fabulous!

Think your memory of topshop is rose tinted. WS naff and cheap

I wear what I want to wear. I'm more confident now than I was 10 years ago.

feelingvulnerable agree totally. Much more confident now.

hi love mini skirts, biker jackets, boots, H&M, skinny jeans. bikinis.
I wear what I like, always have done. I look much better than I did in my younger days, clothes, hair and make-up takes years of practice ;)
my style is my style it's not related to age.

Oh have to disagree about the magnifying mirror tho need it for plucking eyebrows and chin!