Facial hair on a child

[Jinsei]

DD is mixed race. Her skin is quite pale but her hair is very dark and quite thick.

As far as I'm concerned, she's beautiful, but she has recently become aware of a slight "moustache" - some of her friends have commented on this. I really don't think it's that noticeable, but the point is, she is becoming quite self conscious about it, and it's making her upset.

She is only eight, so part of me says to just leave it for now, she's gorgeous as she is and it just doesn't matter. At the same time, I've always hated the way I look, and I don't want her confidence to be damaged in the way that mine was. And the fact is, it matters to her!

What can I do to make her feel better about this?

In an ideal world she should be just as she is but sadly we live in a world where school children will pick on the slightest thing.

I do not advise bleaching as that just makes it look more obvious on anyone.

Are there any other children of mixed race with facial hair that are in her class? Sometimes talking to other mothers may help you get a collective feeling of whether anything should be done or not.

The thing is, once you start a beauty regime you have to keep up with it so your daughter needs to be prepared for any procedure such as waxing and will be ongoing.

You have to boost her up until it is age appropriate to groom her facial hair. I've naturally got "hairy skin", but didn't start "grooming" until secondary school (in the eighties).
If Madonna, with her big, bad self has it in her to have not had her hairy eldest daughter off to the nearest waxer to get rid of the unibrow and moustache until age appropriate, you do too.
Stop projecting your insecurity onto your daughter. There is nothing worse than a mother who sees others through her own insecurity. My mother, who suffered with adult acne (well she wouldn't keep her hands off her face) used to take pleasure in damn near flying across a room to squeeze any bump on my face. It stopped when as an adult I grabbed her hand firmly and told her what I told you (well I paraphrased).
This little situation is the opportunity for you and your daughter to gain character. Use it wisely. She is only eight and you have the chance to convey in her, at a young age, the benefits in not judging oneself through the prism of trying to impress others. You also have the opportunity to set boundaries (with her and not arbitrarily) as to when she will be "allowed" to undertake certain grooming practices. Lots of opportunity for mother and daughter bonding here.
You also have to arm your daughter with the age appropriate way of saying"fuck you"... to be thrown at others who dare to put her down. Females can't be expected to compromise for people who mean no good to them unless they "conform".
Like I said, you have an opportunity here. And I'm sure that a tree isn't growing out of your face. Time to put your "big girl" pants on and act like the mother that you are, because your daughter is too young for waxing, Immac or shaving or having a "barely noticeable" moustache rule her life and she is not even a teenager!

Sorry, to be clear, I have no intention of waxing or whatever. She can do that when she is older if she chooses. My question was about how to make her feel better.

I don't think I am projecting my insecurities tbh, though I recognise there is always a danger of this. This is something that my dd has brought up, on several occasions, because of teasing from her friends. I have never given it any thought otherwise, but I was reminded of it yesterday when dd got a bit tearful about it.

I agree that I need to "boost her up", but I don't know how to do this. Telling her that she is beautiful as she is doesn't seem to make her feel better about the facial hair, although I'd say she has good self esteem generally. I totally agree that she should not have to conform to someone else's ideal of what she should look like, but how do I get that through to her in a way that she actually buys into.

This isn't taking over her life, it's a minor issue at the moment for a generally happy and confident little girl. However, she has mentioned it more often lately, and I'm conscious that my reassurances are failing to make the issue go away. And I know that, as she approaches puberty, it's likely that these things will take on a greater significance for her.

There are several other kids in school who are mixed race, but I've never noticed if they have visible facial hair, and would feel uncomfortable broaching the subject even if they did! DD hasn't mentioned anyone getting teased about it.

I don't think the kids are meaning to be hurtful. The two main culprits are good friends of dd's, and they're generally nice kids. I wondered about talking to their parents, but don't want to make a big issue out of it all.

Thanks for the advice btw.

My little girl is only 2 but her pakistani dad is the hairiest man on the planet and she is developing a (girly) moustache already! I have no idea what the answer is, but if and when the time comes when it bothers her, then she can have it removed. School and life are hard enough without Mummy forcing you to have a moustache IMHO (not meant to you personally OP)

stooshe - slightly aggressive response? I agree with madmomma's approach. Although resilience/sense of self worth etc is important, why force a child to live with something that most adults wouldn't choose to?

I have to say would deal with this somewhat differently. If it was my DD I would discusd the situation in a firm and frank manner and let her make her own decision. I was bullied horribly at school and I just wouldn't allow this to become an issue for the sake of two five minute waxing appointments a month a good salon. If that's what your DD wants.Women and girls have enough on their plates without worrying about facial hair.

Sorry for typos.Tiny keyboard!

jinsei I don't have any magic answers but feel for you as I too have an 8 year old dd so understand how upsetting it must be. Have her friends actually been horrible about her facial hair? Or have they just mentioned it? My dd doesn't like wearing her glasses because other kids make comments. They're not making horrible comments but even by noticing the glasses, it is marking her out as different when all she wants to do is conform.

If it were my dd I would probably give it more time to see if it all settled and her friends stopped mentioning it. Then I would talk to her honestly about how she could have waxing/hair removal cream etc but it may hurt or be uncomfortable. She may then make the decision for herself to live with it as she's then taken control by deciding not to remove it if that makes sense.