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Original poster

My DP is shorter than me. What do I replace my heels with??

26 replies

AdamantEve · 05/12/2013 15:28

My DP is a good 3 inches shorter than me.
Since we've been together, nights out have been rare due to pregnancy, breastfeeding, being tired because of the kids etc etc.

So in my pre DP life, a night out would involve either a dress and heels or if less formal, jeans, a nice top and heels.

Now, as the children are less dependent and I have more opportunity to get out, I want to do some dating as we barely had time on our own before I was pregnant with DC1.

So what do I wear, in general? I don't feel dressed up without heels but they really are a no go, we both would feel too self conscious if I was completely towering over him, more an issue for him than me but it's none negotiable!

How do I make flats work? Specific settings would be a smart restaurant or a bar...

When we've attended weddings together I've worn dresses with 'smart' (If you know what I mean) flip flops I.e nice leather ones, not the kind you'd wear on a beach. But it's winter so that back up plan doesn't really work right now and no doubt it's probably a no no anyway!

If you have any suggestions - thank you!

OP posts:
AnythingNotEverything · 05/12/2013 15:34

DH is shorter than me. He always will be, even in bare feet, so I wear whatever I like.

If I choose to wear flats, I wear sparkly ballet pumps or leather rogues, or flat knee high boots. All suitable for pubs/restaurants with the right outfit.

OwlMother · 05/12/2013 15:34

I'm in a similar position, dh is a couple of inches shorter than me. As you say I don't really feel dressed up without heels- fancy flats just don't cut it!! So I just wear the heels, dh couldn't care less, he's just happy that I feel confident! Would a little heel work? I tried on a lovely pair of pointed kitten heels in Hobbs last week.

Original poster
AdamantEve · 05/12/2013 16:03

I don't think even a little heel would work as DP has major height issues and would feel very uncomfortable.

I have around 20 pairs of heels I've not worn at all for over 3 years though obviously can wear them when not out with him!

I have recently bought some black pointed flats which look smart with black and dark jeans, I think so anyway.

It's more of a struggle for me to pair dresses and flats, it just never looks right on me.

What kind of dresses, if any, look OK with pumps? I have shift dresses for work that I wear with tights and black round toe flats which looks fine at work, but not going-outy enough. Hmmm. I love dresses. I'm going to have to favour jeans and trousers though aren't I?!

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 05/12/2013 16:31

I would dress how you feel comfortable bad dpi will adapt. It's no good you going round feeling uncomfortable so that he doesn't. Jamie Cullen and thingy Dahl don't worry about, nor do mick jagger and lwren Scott.

MissMiniTheMinx · 05/12/2013 16:39

Dresses with swishy skirts, long, knee, or mini length look great with flats, whereas dresses with fitted skirts always seem to look better with a bit of a heel IMO,

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 05/12/2013 16:45

I think TBH this is your husband's issue and not yours to 'fix' by finding the right shoes. I'm taller than DH, way taller in heels. I don't wear them much because I don't much like heels, but when I do he doesn't have an issue. I think your DH needs to take a look at why it bothers him so much.

I think ballet pumps often work with dresses, or a pointed pump. But that's because, as I said, I don't like the feel of heels myself.

4amInsomniac · 05/12/2013 16:49

I don't wear heels much, for different reasons to yours.

I love flats! I have invested in some distinctive colors (definitely no black!) and some unusual shapes, patterns etc. I make them a real feature, people often comment on them, and I certainly feel that my overall outfits are very going-outy, without any suggestion of a heel. Are you brave enough ...?

VenusDeWillendorf · 05/12/2013 16:55

Maybe your DH needs the heels! :)

Wear whatever you like and stand up tall. Nothing worse than a woman cowering to make her shortarse DH look 'manly' and tall.

You are what you are, he is what he is. No need to diminish yourself (listen up the next mrs cruise).

bigTillyMintspie · 05/12/2013 16:57

I am about an inch taller than my DH. He has no problem with me wearing heels, and I have worn some pretty high ones in the past. Now I generally wear either mid-height heels or flat boots or sometimes ballet flats - not for him, but for my ageing body!

bigTillyMintspie · 05/12/2013 16:58

Venus makes a good point - some of my DS's trainers seem to have very thick soles. Would thick soles for him help?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/12/2013 17:00

Wear the heels, tell him to stop being a nitwit.

Original poster
AdamantEve · 05/12/2013 17:19

Venus he did have heels when I first met him! Some bloody awful wedge type things! They had to go!

Good point re. thicker soled trainers, he does have some which give him a bit of a boost which he prefers.

I am fairly tall for a woman but only 5'9 which I don't think is excessive and in fact I don't actually feel particularly tall, I'm quite average in my friendship group.

So yes it's his issue really! But I don't want him to feel awkward when I can just avoid it by wearing flats.

I think the swishy dress advice may be useful, I do lean towards more fitted dresses so I think trying new styles will be good.

And yes to bright flats! I'm definitely brave enough Wink

I think I'll google dresses+flats to get some inspiration.

OP posts:
HopeForTheBest · 05/12/2013 17:24

Does he have a problem with everyone who's taller than him, or just you?

Financeprincess · 05/12/2013 17:34

Replace the DP???

KissesBreakingWave · 05/12/2013 17:36

He needs to replace his height issues with some proper short-guy swagger.

To quote the Dwarvish proverb, "If his hands are higher than your head, your teeth are level with his groin."

Thants · 05/12/2013 17:47

It's so crazy that this is even something that has to be discussed. Why does it matter that you are taller than him? People are different heights that's the way it is.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/12/2013 17:51

My new BF is also a bit shorter than me. My ex was 6'4" so it's a bit of a shock. I am an inveterate heel wearer.

TBH he's not bothered if I wear heels - I think I feel a more strange about it than him. So I do tend to wear flats more when I'm with him and save heels for work / going out with mates

I have bought some skater style dresses recently which I think look OK with ballet flats and, now it's colder, opaques

BitOutOfPractice · 05/12/2013 17:52

Oh I see the swishy / ballet combo has been suggested already

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/12/2013 18:00

I am so Hmm that you are actually talking about altering the whole way you dress - from heels and fitted, to swishy and flats - just so as he doesn't have to deal with his idiotic issues with his height.

It is making me wonder what else you do/put up with/have changed about yourself to avoid him having a tantrum.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/12/2013 18:05

Who said he would have a tantrum?

AngelaDaviesHair · 05/12/2013 18:09

these

MissMiniTheMinx · 05/12/2013 19:48

No one could claim they aren't dressy

DP is taller than me which isn't difficult, I'm short, but I always wear flats. I can't do the whole looking vulnerable, hobbling about looking tortured thing, Yes I look tortured if I wear heels. Not much point having pretty shoes when the face is pulling a grimace!

I can understand, men don't like to look short, its the whole men must be big, tall and masculine, whilst she must look dainty, wearing slinky dress and heels that make her look feminine.

So, if she shouldn't succumb to flats and lose the femininity, why should he have to agree to be emasculated by looking up at her? Its the irony????

JeanSeberg · 05/12/2013 19:52

Emasculated????

Original poster
AdamantEve · 05/12/2013 19:54

Thanks for the replies!

Ali he wouldn't have a tantrum, as you put it, he has never said he would prefer me not to wear heels, however I know he has insecurities about his height which stem from his teenage years and haven't been resolved, so because I love him I would prefer not to make him feel self conscious when we go out together!

There are no relationship issues here.

I wear heels if I want to when I go out with my friends. I was just looking for advice really on how to make flats look dressy, perhaps I should have left out the reason why but was simply providing the scenario.

Definitely going to try some skater dresses. My shape has changed since having 2 DC, so fitted dresses are probably a thing of the past for me regardless of which shoes I wear with them...

OP posts:
Laska42 · 05/12/2013 19:56

My DH is a coiupl of inches shorter than me (and im 5'6) , I wear heels if I want and flats when i want and he loves them.

But sometimes he does ask if id like him to be taller , I just tell him that he's the same height as he was when I met him and it didn't make any difference then and it still dont now 20years on ..

He needs to address his issues . height, like weight and beauty simply doesnt matter if you love each other..

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