unwanted (expensive) present - what to do?

[jamaisjedors]

Help!

My mum wanted to know what I wanted for my birthday, and I said "a pair of earrings", thinking she would just get some cheap fashionable ones which she has done in the past.

Normally she does really well with the kind of thing I like.

This time she has sent me some gold earrings (I have never worn gold in my life and don't suit it at all (HOC Winter) and she knows that).

I looked them up on the PIA site (they came in a Pia box) and my heart has sunk to see that they are real gold and cost a fortune (£110!).

www.piajewellery.com/embers-glow-earrings-prod12644/#.Up8gGSfZ008

I really don't know what to do. I guess the kind thing is just to hold onto them, and wear them a couple of times, but it seems like such a waste.

On the site it says they don't do returns for earrings for pierced ears...

Also I am not in the UK...

ARGH.. actually wish I had never looked them up - I was doing it to reassure myself that it didn't matter if I didn't wear them - of course it has had the opposite effect.

I would keep them and wear them when you see your mum. It sounds like she tried hard to get something nice for you and I think she might be upset to think she got it wrong. I definitely think it's kinder to keep them and just use them on special occasions

I think you are right. There's nothing much I can do I suppose because they don't do returns on pierced earrings (according to their site).

And she would be upset - she is having a hard time at the moment and I think she wanted to show her appreciation for my support.

I feel so bad that I hate them!

Are they real gold? Can you get them Rhodium plated?

I was going to suggest rhodium plating too . When I need anything mended or altered, I send it to M&D Power in Birmingham's Jewellery Quarter as I've always been happy with their work and prices - it might be worth giving them a call and seeing what they say, if there aren't any manufacturing jewellers near you.

I guess they must be real gold at that price?

Thanks for the advice. Maybe that's something I can consider in a couple of years, I suppose I will have to just wear them when I see my mum (not very often as I live abroad) and then maybe do something about them in a while.

I feel very touched that she has done this for me and just horrible because I will struggle to wear them.

Bit of a non-thread I guess but I can't talk to anyone about this irl and will need to be all enthusiastic about them on the phone to my mum - it's the first time she's spent anything near that amount of money on anything for me.

Why not get them plated sooner? I've never had it done to earrings, but based on my experience with rings I doubt it'd cost more than £40 to do both. (Possibly less if you're not in the UK.)

BTW, I'm sure gold doesn't look as disastrous on you as you think it does. I've got a good eye for colour and have never noticed somebody looking drained/enhanced by a few tiny pieces of metal, as long as the clothes and make-up are flattering. They may not be your most flattering earrings, but I'd be astounded if they actually look bad on you.

I'm almost definitely a winter (Anne Hathaway colouring) and, while I'd look dreadful in a fully gold or yellow outfit and much prefer silver, my gold locket and rings look nice when I wear them.

Could you try them on and ask a trusted friend whether they look okay on you (perhaps comparing with a silver version), in case the response would make you feel better?

Thanks, that's reassuring.

It's true, they won't be disastrous but they are not really to my taste, and won't particularly go with the colours/clothes I wear.

But I can cope with that I think rather than offend my lovely mum!

The worst thing is that there are loads of lovely silver earrings on the site (for much cheaper!) that I would have been delighted with.

I've never liked that kind of shiny gold, it just looks fake to me, in fact that's why I looked the earrings up, because they look like the kind of freebie earrings that my MIL has given me before (free gift with La Redoute kind of thing) so I thought I could wear them a couple of times and then bin them discreetly

This is bearing in mind that the last jewellry my mum bought for me was from New Look and cost £3.00 for a necklace and earrings set!

Wouldn't you be offended though if you bought something for someone and then they radically altered it (ie the plating)?

Personally I wouldn't be offended - I'd just be happy that the recipient was wearing and enjoying the gift . However, if you feel that you need a pretext for doing it, you could say that you wanted them to match your other jewellery so you could wear them more, or that the gold was irritating your ears so you had it dipped to prevent it from coming into contact with the flesh. (It's entirely possible to be allergic/intolerant to 9ct gold - I am.)

Another - less radical - alternative would be to have the shiny gold finish dulled down to a sandblasted/brushed metal finish. It's more commonly done to silver, but it can be very effective on gold. I'm not a fan of shiny metals either, so I have a beautiful brushed gold locket - it always attracts compliments and seems to glow rather than shining. I'm not sure if the business I recommended do it but lots of manufacturing in the Bham Jewellery Quarter use that effect, so again it's probably easy enough to arrange.

I think they are lovely!

I agree with the suggestion to wear them a couple of times when you see your mum.

LadyVetinari - the ironic thing is she bought them in gold I think because she got it into her head I couldn't wear other sorts of earrings - she texted me while she was out shopping and said "can you only wear gold?" but by the time I got her text several hours later it was obviously too late! I am allergic to a lot of things but have never worn gold in my life so I guess a new allergy could be a solution!

Dulling the shine is a good idea, it's the bottom v. shiny bit which particularly puts me off - even though I'm glad to hear that eurochick you think they are lovely!

One upside is I have just read the card and seen that they are my Christmas AND birthday present - which makes me feel a bit better about the cost.

Also DH looked at them and said "but I thought you hated gold" so at least I know he has taken that onboard!!! (after 17 years together!)

I recently lost my mother.
I dont wear gold either but from my vantage point I'd suggest wearing them with a smile, just as they are, every time you see her.
I'd do anything to go back to being told that my hair, clothes and makeup are all wrong.

I think they are lovely.

Keep, them, pretnd you love them, and your DM will feel good.

Leave them in your will to your DD or a niece...they too will feel good.

I wouldn't wear them either

Plating them isn't a radical alteration as it is easily reversed and is only temporary!

Thanks for the sympathy and suggestions.

I totally get it burnishedsilver which is why I feel irrationally weepy about this it's also time of the month - and SO don't want to offend her. AND she never tells me my clothes are wrong, in fact she wrote in the card that they were for "her beautiful daughter" now really weeps

I'm such a guilt-ridden person though that I know that even the box is going to set me off as shmaltzing matilda says.

Will hold onto them, bearing in mind the regifting option later (no DD though). I have another piece of family jewellery which I wear every day which reminds me of my mum, plus a ring she gave me for my 21st which I have worn every day since then.

I think she'll be offended by the plating, she'll definitely notice after going out of her way to buy them in gold. I will look into something to dull the gold, or just wear them as is on family occasions.

Good luck! Brushed/sandblasted gold really does look lovely, and I can't imagine it will cost very much. You could also consider getting the pearls changed for silver beads to "cool" down the overall effect a little - I really doubt she'd notice that, and they'd be pennies from a beading supply shop/website.

Actually I really don't like gold but those are lovely, the stones take away the goldness somehow.
I'm sure they will look fab on you but yes you may need to develop a gold allergy sharpest, you could always say that you have coated these in nail varnish and hence can wear them but would be a same to acquire any more gold items

Yes the pearls bother me too!!

Again, she KNOWS I hate pearls, we've talked about it endless times.

She was shopping with her cousin who I think will have talked her into getting me something "nice".

TBH there's not one single thing I like about them (the garnets/the pearls/the gold), so maybe there's not much point changing anything!

But I still appreciate all the suggestions, and will go and talk to a jeweller when I'm a little less emotional about it all.

I won't be seeing DM for another 3 months so I have time to calm down and get over myself.

Oh god no, no more gold items !!!

To be fair, she asked me what I wanted, and I should have been more specific, but it never occured to me that she would do this, she is very much of the "cheap and cheerful" sort in buying clothes etc.

And she has never once seen me in gold - my wedding ring is white gold and diamonds.

We even went to get our "colours" done together and it emerged that she was to wear "warm" colours, and I was to wear "cool".

I am also from an "era" where gold was a total no-no, we all wore/wear silver - perhaps gold will be "in" sometime soon? Perhaps it already is and it hasn't hit this country yet? (lives in hope!)

Thanks everyone.

If it makes you feel any better, the garnets are showing as quite a cool red (oxblood-ish) on my monitor so they may well look different against a sandblasted gold warring with a small, hammered silver bead www.google.co.uk/search?q=hammered+silver+bead+1mm+hole&client=ubuntu&hs=eaf&channel=fs&gl=uk&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=ZJSfUpXVK-HX7AaJ_oDgCQ&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1317&bih=650#facrc=&imgdii=&imgrc=iZDeJM4UEnGK0M%3A%3By96s3IWGWZ26GM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.beads.co.uk%252Facatalog%252F2800Tth.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.beads.co.uk%252Facatalog%252Fsterling-silver-misc-beads.html%3B100%3B100 like this above and below.

I know this is a bit off-piste, but since it's becoming clear that you're mostly upset about how inappropriate the gift is for you: is there a chance that your mum is depressed/stressed/similar? I'm just asking because you mentioned that she's been having a hard time, and it sounds like she's bought you something she would love to receive rather than starting by thinking about what she knows about you. If that's not usual for her, it might be symptomatic of stress, depression, or something similar - those conditions all make it harder to put yourself in somebody else's position when making choices. I hope it's not insensitive of me to suggest that, and obviously please don't feel obliged to answer - I just thought I'd mention it since your feelings are obviously hurt, and it could be that there's some context that would change how you feel about the situation.

Ooops, link fail...

And warring? Earring, FFS! (Please forgive me, I've had a parrot clambering all over me whilst typing...)