HELP, I've lost my fashion way

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

I am 40. A couple of years ago I was a 10/12, now it's a 12/14, which I am trying to rectify. I'm only 5'4", so look fat at this size really. I have large norks and a tummy that shows I've had 2 kids. Anyway, I now live in Gap Curvy jeans and converse This is not the look I want to go for day in day out. Sometimes I wear a dress (Phase Eight/White Stuff wrap dresses, that type) or denim skirt and boots, but that's it really. If I go out, it's skinny black jeans, heels and a jazzy top every bloody time! I am in a total fashion rut, and I don't know how to get out. I know it's partly that I don't want to buy bigger clothes, I want to slim down to my old size, but when I have, what can I get, just to change from this dullness? Ballet pumps? Ankle boots? Tops with skull prints on?? Sparkle? Those long cardis ? Where can I shop to get the look I'm going for, which is definitely not mutton, but equally not mumsy?
TIA!

First of all, you are NOT fat. Second of all, you do NOT need to worry about the mutton issue. There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't look foxy and stunning.
Depending on where you love and your budget, you could try booking a session with a personal stylist, either an independent one or through a store. A good stylist will really work hard to find clothes that suit your lifestyle and body shape, and provided you go with an open mind you are likely to come away with a range of looks to make you feel fabulous.
Other tips:
Skinny jeans aren't going anywhere, despite what the fashion press tells us- try them in grey this season.
Boots. Boots boots boots marching up and down again. Biker boots or spike heeled ankle boots, Chelsea boots or great big thick-soled ankle boots will all suddenly make you feel fresher

If you don't already have one, get a great black biker jacket.
Leggings - not the sort that are really tights, but heavyweight stretchy trouser-type ones.
Don't buy ballet pumps - on the way out. Bin the wrap dresses and denim skirts, and if you wear them with stretchy knee boots bin them too.
Buy some cheap fabulous scarves.
Get a great haircut and have your makeup done by someone you can trust.
Remember you're probably the only person who can see the extra pounds.
Be fabulous!

Ah, thank you MotherBluestocking. I have thought about a stylist before, but thought it might be hideously expensive - I'll look again. OK, maybe some more skinny jeans and some new boots. I agree re the dresses - think I've just got used to them being "safe" and, yes, I do wear them with knee high boots, although not stretchy ones. Out of interest, what is it with the dresses/denim skirts - is that a bit too mumsy?

Any other hints S&B gurus?

Sorry to have been off-radar - bit of a frantic weekend.
I really do recommend stylists. A freelance one will be in the region of £50/hour for the time they spend with you, but they should also add (at no extra cost) quite a lot of pre-trip consulting to find out about your lifestyle, body shape, style etc and some reconaissance so that they take you to the best places. On the shopping trip itself they will often be able to get you a private room and will do all the fetching and carrying, which takes a lot of the sweat out of the expedition.
If you go for the in-store option, there should be no charge, but you have to bear in mind that they're on commission, so you need to keep a close eye on your budget.
(I'm not a stylist, by the way! - but I do use them a lot.)
I think wrap dresses/denim skirts run the risk of looking a bit 'easy dressing'. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable, but looking as though you prioritise comfort over style can be the first step along the slippery slope that ends in elasticated waists and the kind of shoes that are advertised in Sunday supplements.
Some other ideas you might investigate are:
Maxi skirts. You probably think you can't carry them off at your height, but with block-heeled ankle boots (NOT stiletto) and a jacket which, crucially, ends at your waist they are actually rather elongating.
Shirts - big billowy ones. If your children are young, silk will be impossibly impractical, and if you have serious norkage issues they probably won't look good buttoned to the neck - but loose over skinny jeans with two or three buttons undone they can look very elegant.
Tops can be very difficult with a big bust. I suggest you avoid high necks and always accentuate your narrowest part, which is probably your waist. The dreaded Spanx are the best bet if you're worried about your tummy.
Your legs are probably better than you give them credit for. Try a mini skirt with opaque tights and ankle boots - you may well be pleasantly surprised.
As for shops to try, Zara is brilliant for stylish affordable clothes, but a nightmare shopping experience (not enough assistants, terrible queues - shopping with a stylist makes it more bearable though). Jigsaw is good if you ignore the racks of tailoring, and their in-store styling is excellent. The Boutique by Jaeger range is pricey but good quality, and cut for real people.
Hope some of this is helpful!