Aaaaaaagh why am I so crap at clothes shopping?!!!

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I have just put another unworn item* in the ebay pile/pile of shame, which is now a rather sizeable collection of stuff I've bought and realised I will never wear way too late or just been too forgetful to return. I seem to have completely lost the knack of buying clothes I know I will wear and like...

Possibly a result of not quite accepting or adjusting to my post-baby body (saggy, belly twice as far out as boobs, broad shouldered). Possibly my chaotic shopping practices of taking toddlers in the changing room and trying as much on as fast as possible and then buying something that fits just to feel I accomplished something. Possibly trying to emulate something I'm not...

I kind of know things I am doing wrong but somehow don't seem to work out how to do it right.

So dear s&b experts - please do tell me your tips for shopping well. I am getting really fed up of wasting so much time and money and wearing the same old ripped jeans day in day out...

*a spotty dress from muji that just looks like a slightly funky hospital gown. I think on a stylish petite heels-wearing person it could look quite cute but on me just a baggy sack of a dress. I think I was seduced by how light it felt and the dots but can't quite explain why I spent £59 on it - I didnt even have any children with me at thw time

I think it would help if you worked out what you have that fits, suits and you like, then work out what items you are missing and what would go with what you already own. Write a list and when you go shopping look for what is on the list and only try on and buy those items. This will help you add to your wardrobe in a helpful way and focus your attention when you are in shops.

How about booking yourself a personal shopper at one of the department stores like house of Fraser. I've heard good things about them and you aren't under any obligation to buy.

Focus on buying a few items you will wear regularly like jeans but go for a pair that fit well and make you look and feel fabulous.

Sorry - completely forgot I had posted this! thanks for the input.

scots I have tried to do just this - spreadsheets and everything, major planning... I either end up buying stuff that fits 'the brief' but that I don't really like and then don't want to wear or going off track and just being drawn to e.g. another stripy top.

Hmmm shopping consultant... I guess it would be worth a try. If I could do it with kids as I so rarely get to shop without them. As fir feeling good in stuff I think I am way too swayed by my underlying mood - grumpy and buy nothing or quite cheerful and think everything looks wonderful! Sjould probably only shop in a very neutral mood!

I have come to the conclusion by myself that I just need to stop buying anything as that way I can't be disappointed and will definitely save ££. I have recently become sahm so no need to dress smartly or anything

Hi - I sympathise! I became a stay at home mum in January and am now super-casual most of the time. Feels weird after city dressing! Online shopping only works if you do return stuff and I'm bad at that too.... (Getting better...)

I did a good wardrobe clearout (although have to keep black suits etc as aiming to return to work in a few months) and got rid of everything that doesn't fit or suit me - including a bl**dy expensive, worn once, lk Bennett work dress that was nearly £200 .

Then, I cheated and got somebody round to help me work out what suited me and what went with what. I paid for it (as was not confident at all and found somebody v good) but you can get a stylish and patient friend or sister to help? It gave me a few ideas and helped create different outfits from stuff I already had (but just didn't 'put together') very well. She also identified 'gaps' in my wardrobe - I didn't buy everything she suggested but a couple of items that meant I could wear my existing clothes in more combinations.

If you're a stay at home mum, I reckon you definitely need a couple of pairs of flattering jeans (try Uniqlo for cheap good ones - revelation to me as I used to spend a fortune on posh designer ones but can't afford to now!), whatever your style. And try adding an on trend bracelet or small necklace (if your children aren't prone to grabbing them!) or a cool scarf. Although, i still can't quite manage scarves inside the house - they get in the way when loading the dishwasher...

And make sure you have an easy going out outfit - maybe skinny jeans, mid-heals and a flattering top? Plus one nice noticeable piece of jewellery? Maybe try Whistles for jewellery or Top Shop? You can order online and normally return for free.

Uniqlo jeans are tricky though - best to go to actual shop in the morning, try them on and then they will alter the length for you during the day - so you do need a day to yourself shopping ideally.

Good luck!

Think about what you already have and if it goes with what you're trying on. I recently put back 2 pairs of trousers that looked really good but would only go with white/cream tops (I think). Well, I don't suit white or cream near my face so had to put them back. I make lots and lots of mistakes but being detached from what you're buying helps a bit. Or try it on and then leave it for a day before you buy it? Not always possible, I know.

After wrestling with looking scruffy and hating shopping for ages, this is what I did...

1. Decided how many outfits I typically would want/need over a two week period. Wrote down how many skirts/tops/cardigan etc I would need to achieve this (ignoring for moment what I already had). Included bags and shoes and good supportive bras.

1. Crossed off items I've already got that I like and want to continue to wear. We're now shopping for the remaining things on the list.

1. Pulled everything out of my wardrobe, and put each thing up to my face in natural light. You could tell straight away which colours made me look fresher and which made me look more tired. Lay clothes that suit me on bed, take camera phone picture as a record. Decide to only shop for items in these colours.

1. Made a note of shapes that suit me. I kind of know this (high neck tops make my boobs look too heavy) but am often tempted to ignore this when I see something pretty!

1. Shopped online for items on list, looking for good shapes and colours.

1. Ordered LOTS on credit card, and chose 'click and collect' to be in set stores one Sunday (which i had to myself). This meant at edited, more likely to suit me, set of clothes was available for me in each store. Took the clothes I wanted them to match with me, and tried them all on. Got immediate refund for stuff that didn't actually work when I tried it one.

I now feel my outfits are a lot more put together. It reeaallly bugs me how much effort all this is, but I think it was worth it, as I didn't waste money.

Beginner you are very wise. I do indeed need some good jeans. I had two trusty pairs of Gap straight leg jeans, but one has got massive holes in the knees, and one holes in the crotch, so slightly too scruffy and obviously unwearable respectively. I copied a fellow mum's style back in the winter and purchased some skinny navy cords online. Alas they are not skinny enough and the effect is less stylish yet casual and more kind of comfortable trousers my mum would wear...

I also definitely need a go-to going out outfit. That is a massive gap. I have no 'nice' tops and no heels that aren't clearly work shoes or to wear with fancy occasion dresses.

Will check out uniqlo if I get a chance. Thanks for the tip.

I did look into hiring an advisor, but the price put me off. Turns out now, when I tot up how much I've spent on clothes I haven't worn that it could have been money well spent, but there we go...

JenJuniper that is bloody genius. Hardcore, and I'm not sure I have the stamina, but it sounds failproof (is that a word?). I always wondered why people would click and collect when they could just get stuff delivered, but this makes perfect sense with the trying it on and returning when you pick it up - nice and targeted and gets round the problem with being rubbish at returns.

Thanks all for the tips! There are some really good points here.

Yup... The wardrobe person doing a cull and suggesting stuff is pricey... Efficient (for me) though! (I mostly shop at zara, Gap/banana republic, Uniqlo, whistles for birthday treat or in sale, tesco and mango - don't have a designer budget!). Besides, most people can work that out for themselves - sometimes with a little help from friends!

If you can afford it I would suggest seeing a colour / style consultant. I did it ten years ago and it's saved me a fortune in time and money , I don't bother now with styles or colours that I know don't suit me, everything in my wardrobe matches and I look fab! ( and no more fashion mistakes...) :)

I really struggled with my fashion mojo after my children were born, and there were a few years where I just wasn't dressing like me. I've got a lot better now - reading fashion blogs, S&B here have all helped. Pinterest boards also helpful for inspiration of looks that you want to emulate. I tend to look at people who have a similar body shape and colouring to me for style ideas as well - there's no point me looking for clothes to suit people with boobs!

Some great advice above, hope it helps. I found seeing a personal shopper has been v helpful in the past, could someone come with you to wrangle the children or have them for you for a couple of hours?

The Putting Me Together blog has some really good hints OP - might be worth a look?