how do you work out what works for you?

[mouses]

im early 30's and dont know what im suppose to be styling? some times i feel i dress too young other times its just safe and frumpy

im set in my 3/4 long top, usually over black leggings. or jeans with a jumper, when i try and look 'trendy' i wear shorts over leggings with a waist lenght top.

how to you know how to style yourself? i look around and and take a mental note of what others are wearing, but nothing looks good on me.

doesnt help i dont like the way i am i suppose. but that another story.
i would like to step away from my black, navy and grey wardrobe but aint got a clue where to start?

I try to strike a balance between what 'feels' good and what I desire, so aim for a compromise.
For instance, I love cropped jackets but have to be careful they don't make me look boxy. I also love button up shirts but they tend to look baggy and saggy as I have no boobage. I adore flats, but they hurt my feet and make my calves look weird. So I opt for fitted tops, a small heel and longer length jackets.

I always feel more chic and comfy in knee length slightly flared skirts, and they suit me, so have finally decided to go with this. I would love to wear pencil skirts but i actually do look like a pencil in them so have laid it up as a bad idea.

Maybe just feel your way forward, notice what you feel really good in, and possibly try to buy more variations in that particular style. Don't just jup for what is on trend, because if it isn't meant for you, you will never feel truly comfortable or confident in it.

Not at all sure how you can possibly dress too 'young' at 30.
30 IS young, believe me, so have some bloody fun and don't fall prey to societal pressure to think less of yourself because you are over the age of 16. You have many years ahead, and believe me thise years will see you gain more confidence whilst rejecting these restrictive notions based on body shape and age. I am 39 and feel better about my wardrobe now than ever before. My tastes are different to when I was 25, but that's a good thing! Don't tie yourself in knots over it - just experiment and go with what feels best on you.

And no, there are no shops you are banned from. Avoid crap polyester and you're onto a winner.

and forgive the godawful spelling errors in that post :)

i mean when you see the teenagers wearing the shorts over leggings it makes me think im past it? id never go bare legs. or wear a skirt / dress so not got much choice i suppose!

when i do like a top that feels comfy (the usual long below bum top) i buy it in all the colours! well 3, black grey and navy. maybe beige.

i have no boobage either and love the blouses out at the moment but they swamp me. and i cant wear low cut tops cos my saggy boobs always fall out of my bra if i lean over (serious excess skin and prob tmi! sorry!)

thanks for your reply

hi mouses, something about your posts struck a chord with me - i'm not really able to help i'm afraid (if you saw me in rl you would realise i am the last person to be giving style advice) but just wanted to say you're in the right place on the S&B boards!

most of us would admit to buying 'safe' things we like in a variety of colourways - but you sound as though you want to break out of a rut and try something new? pinterest is fantastic for styling ideas, and there are some great fashion blogs out there too.

you're right when you say it doesn't help that you don't like the way you are; how you feel about yourself is probably the key thing here. as toastedTeacakes says, 30 is so young - it's the youngest you'll ever be again so make the most of it! it makes me sad to think i spent a large part of my early 20s swamped in men's oversized cardigans (though to be fair, it was the 'fashion')...

dress as if you love yourself and you will feel better instantly. don't focus on imperfections that no one else probably notices anyway. follow the simple ideas on the 'princessing' threads - because you're worth it!

you mention excess skin - is that because you've lost a lot of weight? if so, well done! could you investigate finding a bra that 'contains' you better? get the right upholstery and everything looks better straight away. is there a reason you would never wear a dress/skirt? even with tights? if you can wear shorts over tights then you can wear a skirt, no?

hope you find some inspiration and the courage to try something new

hi rubybricks

thanks for your kind post.

i spent my childhood and teens dressed in my sister larger oversized jeans and what i describe as farmer joes checked baggy shirts (mothers doing)

then tried to stlye myself when i earned my own money! then when i had my 1st child i suppose i just stuck to mumsy safe clothes?

not exactly lost weight, my boobs were a 30A then went up to a 34DD during my 1st pregnancy (went from size 10 to 12-14)
then boobs have gone from C's down to B's - back up to DD's during my 2 other pregnancies. and now a very saggy loosed skined A

i have tried getting fitted for bra's but even the fitters had trouble containing what was hardly there!? the push up's pushed me up together but then out the side of the bra cos theres no shape - it really is just skin with nipples so i have to where a tight vest top or a sports crop style top to be sure nothing fulls out.

ive never felt girly or pretty enough to wear a dress, havent worn a dress since i was about 7yrs old. except a maxi dress when i was pregnant (looked like a tent) to go to a wedding - which i wore for about 4hrs then changed! and i dont wear skirts because they dont seem to hang right on my hips, doesn tlook right. and i have the palest legs with stretch marks that look like a road map! then even if i didnt have those issues i still wouldnt cos my legs are wobbly.

im a size 10 bottom but never manage to firm my legs, so im abit self conscious. i wear shorts over leggings not tights - tights make me feel naked?! yea i know you prob thinking im a lost cause!

Do you have a friend/relative that you can go shopping with that will give you honest and constructive feedback? You say that things don't look right on you but maybe it's because you're just not used to a different look?

Do you have spare money? If so have you considered getting your colours and/or style analysis done? Getting your colours done would help you break out of the navy/black rut and you'd be amazed at how good you can look wearing colours that suit you. Otherwise when you go shopping just try lots of different coloured things on and see what makes you light up.

What sort of style do you want? As someone else said, Pinterest is fab for inspiration. If you just pin loads of looks and clothes that you like and eventually and you'll probably end up with some kindof theme that you can then work on to adapt for you and your lifestyle.

Also, there is no specified 'girly' level that requires you to wear a dress. I would imagine any woman has the potential to wear one, if she chooses to, so maybe it's more about familiarity, and those weird rules we set ourselves early in life - we end up restricting our own choices for one reason or another.

I practically lived in babydoll and indie style dresses all of my life until about 3 yrs ago when i simply started to feel different. It felt like a new adventure to seek out new things, and I have been pleasantly surprised to find how other styles suit me, especially skirts and jeans. But that's just my personal experience.

One thing that stands out to me: why do you care what teens are wearing anyway? Do you really feel a desire to wear cut offs with tights? I think older people don't wear this combo because it isn't really practical (kids, work, actually wanting to be seen as more mature and taken seriously), not simple because they can't get away with it any more. To be honest, I think I would look good in them, my bodyhape and legs would suit them, but the thing is I don't actually desire to wear them, it just ain't my thing.

So i think a lot of women over 30 just tend to change naturally, not because there are hard and fast rules, or that their bodies are somehow 'lesser' than younger women. This is actually bullcrap, for not all young bodies are good, as not all older bodies are worse!

I think many people define 'safe' as something they resort to when they're not feeling too great about themselves. We all have those times, and that's okay. But seeking nicely fitting pieces which really suit you are not about safety - it's more to do with knowing your good parts and capitalising on them. it's about avoiding stuff that doesn't make you feel great.

And I don't wish to sound all cheesy or anything, but maybe if you made a list of the things you LIKE about your face and body, that would be a better place to start, and work from that. That internal dialogue goes a long way to determining how we present ourselves to the world. It makes or breaks our confidence. I generally feel good in most of my clothes (unless I have PMT!), but if I spent a lot of mental energy listing my physical flaws, I would never leave the house.

Sod convention, nobody is judging you unless you do something extreme, 30 is very young - and if it's not, then god help us all because that means nearly 50 yrs of the average lifespan is meaningless.

sorry for the freakin novella!

queen, no one to go shopping with im affraid. i di try colours on in the shop but as you suggested - im not used to it, so put it back!

im not sure what style im after? i just felt like i need to step away from my usual every day wardrobe. dont want to look mumsy, or sophisticated (so not me) not sure if i can pull off smart, what else is there? casual? can tell i dont even know!

toasted, i guess i dont desire to wear shorts with leggings, i just try to change from jean or legging with a long top. im not bothered about what teenangers are wearing, i mean they made me 'feel' older when it looks best suited to their age group then me. if that makes sense?

its not my age, i dont think 30 is old. but im finding it a hard age to style. dont even think i know what im talking about

maybe its pointless until i sort my self esteem out.
thanks for taking time to reply

I do know what you mean, to be honest. But feeling older isn't a bad thing, just try to remember how teenage life can suck . I guess my perspective comes from only really finding my 'style' as I got older, and both my body and style in my teens were kind of frumpy in comparison to now....so I guess I see more potential in moving forward, not back.

So you don't want sophisticated or mumsy. They're all just abstract categories anyway, and nobody really sticks to any of them 100%. Maybe ask yourself what is more 'you'? Can you name one celebrity or well known woman who you admire for their style? I tend to like the French types, but can't do many of the styles, so I just take from it what suits me, personally. Don't go for something just cod someone says it's classic or chic. You need to remain true to you.

Out of everything you own, is there a combo which you actually look forward to wearing or get excited about putting on? That would be a good start, I think.

I ain't a big believer in the word 'mumsy' anyway, for what it's worth.

im not purposely making life hard for you readers, just being honest. but i dont follow celebrity fasion. and i dont tend to follow trend. im quite the opposit i think?

uggs for instance - never worn, never will. i dont like going and buying something cos every one else is.

nope, no combo i look forward to wearing. i open my wardrobe and just stare hopelessly at all the clothes thinking 'theres nothing to wear!' then sigh and reach for anything really.

i agree, if your thinking im hard work.

Ok, then. Ordinarily I'd say you are doing just fine and don't need any advice or whatever, but you posted on S&B so something about it must be bothering you, even if you're not clear what it is. But don't worry, you are not hard work!

Sometimes it's just confusing, I get that. I don't follow celebs either, and only seem to notice the French stuff from my tumblr or pinterest, which is great for generating ideas. You seem to know your own mind, and are not in danger of falling for crappy trend driven styles, so you are definitely half way there.

I wonder if, when you say there are not items you get excited about wearing in your wardrobe, maybe you have been buying stuff that you feel is just 'ok' rather than stuff that really delights you? That might explain the fact that there are clothes in there but you feel like there's nothing to wear. I went through a similar stage a few yrs ago and decided to do the dreaded 'wardrobe purge'.
This technically meant throwing out (or storing elsewhere) stuff that I didn't wear much or simply didn't love. I also tried to aim for only buying new things if the would definitely go with the stuff I already wore. Figure out what colours suit you best (they'll make your skin and face look nicer when put against you in a mirror) and maybe try to limit your colour palette a bit, so that all of your new stuff (if you buy any) works well with everything else. I like grey, navy and white, often with a touch of pink or lilac for summer, so tend to stick with those for the most part. Are you a pattern fan or not? Are you more comfy in skirts or jeans than dresses, etc? Stuff like that.

To cut a long post short, i meant to say that maybe you could try simplifying your wardrobe, having less (but better) stuff to choose form might be a good start. That way you can build up as you go forward.

get yourself some skinny jeans, a blazer and jersey tshirt. wear with converse or boots or ballet flats
a maxi dress that suits your shape on top, wear with flat sandals or wedges. they dont all have to be tents, some are fitted under the boobs which can be flattering

what about this one? www.newlook.com/shop/womens/dresses/maxi-dresses/_/N-9utZc4t?No=100&Nrpp=100&intcam=INT-2013-14-WK8-BAN-ZBck-0022