Ugh, I am incapable of looking stylish. Where am I going wrong?

[BabCNesbitt]

Rant incoming:

I've been a SAHM for nearly two years, and before that I wore 60s shift dresses all the time. They don't really go with BFing or crawling around after a toddler and so I've been wearing jeans, jumpers and vests underneath (to hide the still-saggy belly) for all that time. My wardrobe is full of cheap plain cotton tops I bought to wear with jeans and I look CHUFFING AWFUL. I even bought a pair of the M&S high-waisted jeggings the other day on the recommendation of a few posters on here in the naive hope that it would look a bit smarter than the saggy-arsed Gap straight jeans I've been wearing for a year, but it just looks so bloody boring! I hate wearing jeans, but I don't know what skirts I could wear that are both practical and don't look super-frumpy on me (37 yo, 5'5", 12-14, no waist to speak of). And I have no idea how to dress anything up at all - I have never figured out accessories, and anything slung round my neck, like scarves and necklaces, just annoys me.

Should I just put up with the boring jeans-and-crappy-cotton-tops look until DD's stopped BFing and I can run back to my beloved dresses? (Or will vintage shift dresses make me look like mutton by then anyway?) Is there any way of making me not look schlumpy and dull without going too far towards the Boden hotchpotch look? What magic secret do other BFing SAHMs have to make separates look semi-presentable and interesting?

And breathe...

Is the breast feeding bothering you?

Only insofar as I can't wear dresses :) She still wants to BF a lot during the day, so I need access, and I never managed to do shirt dresses without showing most of my upper body at the same time, so... But as the dress thing is the only reason for wanting to stop, I don't think that's good enough grounds for closing up the milk bar just yet.

Right now (and tbh I dont give a shiney shite what I look like) Im wearing an ancient F&F v neck cashmere jumper over a second hand maternity tunic (ds is 25 months still bf), bare legs long socks. Today I wore Sainsbury's long sleved t over Sainsbo's vest. With M&S bootcut jeans and Mountainhorse boots. Often wear Jods (jeggings would do) with Brora (sale) Cashmere, but its bobbled quicker than the Tesco stuff .
I like nice material, and always feel better if Ive got decent underwear on, Hot Milk bras are fab. As soon as we get summer any sort of skirt/ shorts/ loose trousers with vest and a linen jacket will make me feel good.

I'm also 5'5" and appley and find v-neck wrap dresses with light vest underneath work sometimes (I cut most of the vest off so it's not bunching up under the dress. Neckline goes down and vest goes up giving you pretty good coverage.
If you're ok with sewing you can adapt shift dresses for feeding. Get some in black so you can easily get extra fabric to match and you can do side slits or a flap over the bust with access.
I think modifying dresses you actually like in the first place is the only way to go. I've looked high and low and found nothing that offers easy access while being something I'd actually wear if not bfing. With 3 month old prem twins I need my norks to be readily available. I've also got older DCs and dogs, so feeding in public is unavoidable.

Really annoying we have to go through such contortions to do something so natural in public. Especially in these early days of frequent feeding

Good luck, I feel your pain!

Buy two nursing dresses? My solution at that stage was to wear nursing tees or nursing camisoles with skirts, much nicer than the jeans/ ugly top look. I'm a classic/ retro dresser too and love a good shift dress.

Some nursing dresses here and here.

Oh, and I was able to eBay most of my nursing stuff, so even if they cost a little you may be able to sell them later. Also check eBay for 2nd hand nursing dresses.

Ugh, sorry for not replying after my overtired ranting the other day! Frugal, thanks for the links. I resisted buying nursing tops or dresses after DD was born, because I thought there was no point in spending all that money for dresses that often looked a bit frumpy on screen - but instead I've just been slobbing around in cheap cotton, so a couple of decent dresses would be a big step up!

Arseface, I'm totally non-handy with sewing, but thanks for the reminder about nursing vests. I'd seen the Milkchic site recommend getting nursing vests that are kind of cut off so that they can be pulled up when you pull down a wrap dress, to cover the top of the baps. (I don't know why I'm so obsessed about covering up an area of the body that low-cut tops would expose anyway, but there's something about the idea of displaying a large expanse of pale veiny skin that makes me quail!) Have you had any luck doing the same thing with shirt dresses, or are the buttons too fiddly?

violet, yes to getting some nice underwear. I'm still wearing the same black M&S microfibre multipacks that I bought before I was pregnant (and wore all through the pregnancy!)

I'm in the same boat. DS is seven weeks old and I'm back to pre-preg size 10. It's been boiling here today and I was desperate to wear my summer dresses from last year, but I can't because I'm BF. I was wondering if I could get away with cycle shorts underneath and just hoik the dress up, but I think that's a no!

I BF my DD for over a year (but I took longer to lose the weight) and the thought of having to dress with BF in mind for months is depressing (not that I'd want to stop).

Topshop sells lots of crop vests at the moment which would be good to wear under wrap tops and dresses.

I really miss wearing fitted, non stretchy dresses and tops! And tucking things in. Sob.

I bf in dresses a lot. You need dresses which are low cut enough and/or stretchy enough to pull down (or which unbutton). I hate wearing vest tops under dresses, but I carry a lightweight, very thin, dark coloured scarf like this around in my bag, and drape that over the top of my boob when feeding. With a tiny bit of practice you can feed very discreetly.

Shift dresses are more difficult I guess, but if you have any with a scoop neck, I reckon they would work. Wearing as a tunic over leggings/skinny jeans would save your modesty when crawling around after a toddler?

Or if shift dresses suit you, you'd probably like shortish, A line skirts and they sound like they'd be more flattering on you than jeans. If they're not too short, or if you can bear wearing leggings underneath that could look very stylish...

Unfortunately none of my dresses are low cut or stretchy enough, except a lovely jersey maxi from jigsaw which I really don't want to pull out of shape. It's also the wrong cut to wear a nursing bra under.

I have just bought a wrap front dress from a charity shop but it's got long sleeves which isn't much use in the sun.

I'd really like a slightly drapey sleeveless mock wrap dress I could wear with a belt...

Ah, I don't wear a nursing bra either, just a normal one and kind of scoop my boob out. (Was a tip I found on here). Once you're past about 6 weeks and supply is established I find it way easier. BF DC1 and 2 for 18 months and am v norky - can't imagine wearing a nursing bra for all that time.

I avoid wrap dresses as I always have to wear a vest underneath which annoys me but there seem to be lots around this is pretty although expensive for what it is and has a pop fastener so could work for Bf if it's your style?

or this?
this?
Banana republic also have lots of wrap dresses which might suit?

Thanks for the links - I like the Great Plains and Butterfly ones. Will check them out IRL.

I actually had a great charity shop haul today - I got one DVF-inspired geo print sleeveless wrap dress, albeit in a size too small (so definitely needs a vest under it to be decent anyway), a sort of cowl neck drapey jersey dress which would be perfect when I need to be smart and feed (and I could do your pull-down technique with), and a cute cotton dress with buttons down the top half. All for £11!

Wow! Charity shops rule :)