Help please! I'm in need of a total confidence boosting overall and don't know where to start

[mrsibley]

Ok so I have just turned 40, just had second baby, just put on a load of weight. Am knackered and have very little time or cash to spend on myself, but would rather have a few nice items of quality clothing than loads of cheap ill fitting crap which I currently have.

I am not huge but am a flabby, size 14 pear shape. Hate my legs, they are very short, very chunky and I literally have no ankles. I now also have a bit of a belly and can feel my bingo wings flapping when I wave kind of thing. Ok making myself depressed now.

My appearance has always been pretty important to me- am the type that won't leave the house without make up on etc but I feel like I am losing my way with it all now. I have been telling myself it will be ok once I lose weight but realistically that's not going to happen right now and I just want to find a way to feel good in the skin I'm in right now. I think one of the problems is that I am kind of in between body shapes and age- what I mean is I see bigger women who look fantastic (mainly apple shapes tho who still have ok legs) but I'm just really out of shape and can't bear to show my legs- have huge thighs too btw. Also I still feel about 30 and to be fair to myself I do look younger than I am and even at 40 I'm not ready for the M&S Per Una look quite yet.

Anyway my main questions are:

What the hell do women with my body issues wear in summer?? (am honestly DREADING hot weather). I would not dream of showing my legs, hate linen trousers with a passion and can't live in maxi dresses all the time.

I could really use a make up makeover to get a nice natural look- any recommendations for a good counter to go to get done in debenhams or similar?

Where can you get nice high waisted jeans or trousers? i have a fabulous pair of jeans from phase eight in lovely soft denim that actually fit over my arse and thighs but don't give me a muffin top but they only come in black.

I'm a full time mum at present so looking for a smart/ casual look but LIVE in the same 2 pairs of straight leg jeans- bootlegs look awful on me- and am sick of the sight of them.

Any tips and advice gratefully received. Thanks.

Ok, well don't get the overall, that certainly won't boost your confidence!
:)

I am not a style guru, so you probably need someone else....but have you tried M&S pull-on jeggings? They are a nice thin fabric, very comfortable and actually look good on.

Also, why can't you mostly wear maxi dresses if that is what you like when the weather is hot?

Don't be too hard on yourself if you've just had a baby and as you say you will lose the weight. And as for 40 you really don't need to shop in per una.

I'm a different size to you but if you don't want shorts, maxis or linen how about chino type trousers?

Make up wise I like bobbi brown although it's not the cheapest. Why about the no7 counter in boots?

Often good accessories can make an outfit seem better and these will last with you when you lose the weight so a nice handbag, shoes etc.

Hoping someone else will come along with better advice...x

Yes, agree Bobbi Brown would be best for 'natural look' makeup advice.

Also - though it sounds boring perhaps - would invest in best possible hair cut (and colour if you want it) and a really good quality well-fitting bra. Hair and bra are with you the whole time. I'd also go for best quality possible bag and shoes. They can be quite casual but stylish. Plus one or two interesting pieces of jewellery and scarves.

I'm afraid I haven't got any brilliant suggestions on the clothes front because I'm such a different shape from you.

And remember - 40 is young - really!

I was going to say Bobbi Brown too - I had a makeover there when DD was about 10 weeks and the girl was so nice. She spent ages putting different products on me and explaining what to do. I spent a fortune but a year on I'm still using it all and it's great.

Try Bravissimo for a well-fitting bra. Are you bf, though? I would go for Hot Milk instead if you are.

If you like maxi dresses I say go for it! Also, as you're likely to change shape as you lose weight, try New Look Shaper jeans. V cheap and wil do the trick. No need to spend much on jeans that will probably be too big soon enough.

Thank you I am going into town this week so will look in M&S , new look and seek out bobby brown and follow up your suggestions. Am wary of getting too many bras whilst breast feeding as my size will change but yes, we'll fitting underwear is very important.

Overall! What an arse no wonder I never got loads of replies

If you want to lose weight and it sounds like you do, that will have anAMAZING effect on everything.

Do that first.

I hated bobbi brown - they tangoed me! But loved benefit. Good fitting bra makes all the difference. Hair cut and colour. Try lots on - depressing at times but the only way. I got great jeans in Wallis (I'm a 16). Boden has nice tops I think, plus you can try on in your own home! There's a blog fab at forty I think, the woman who does it is a larger lady and she picks out done nice stuff. I'd avoid the jeggings - I tried them on and it was horrendous, two massive blue sausages!

I bet you look way better than you think you do, and 40 is young these days. After thyroid went I put on loads of weight and it was indeed a nasty shock - but I kept my spirits up with

• decent haircut & eyebrows threaded
• maxi skirts (somehow easier than dresses)
• primark supersoft skinnies (cheaper than fags)
• boat neck 3/4 sleeve Ts, always flattering
• scent of kwalitee every day

This lot means you can get dressed in 3 minutes and look together, always useful. I also went cheap on the new clothes as I know I will lose weight. Well, except for some nice cashmere which works whatever scales say.

Hit Benefit or Clinique for a good look.

I really liked Bare Minerals make over at counter when in similar situation to you. Really natural, just better, and REALLY QUICK in mornings!

Other things helping "recently returned to work from mat leave colleagues" - one is doing 5:2 diet, lost 8 lbs in 2 weeks, HUGE boost for her; other is suffering through 30 day shred, but it is making a bifference. If not immediately noticeable to rest of us, the fact that they are having results really is helping them regain a bit of themselves, if that makes sense.

Agree with above too, hair & eyebrows make difference. I'd just rock the maxi dresses for a while (wear as skirts to ring changes?).

You will find yourself again, honest xxx

Shoes, shoes always boost the spirits!