How do you find 'your style'?

[Jemster]

I've never been very good at putting outfits together and am stuck in a post baby frump rut. I don't feel like I've ever had or known what is my style. How do you find it?
I have all sorts of odd mismatched clothing and often find myself just copying ideas from friends (not in a stalking way lol!!).
After my first baby I went to stay with my very trendy friend. She took me off to TK maxx and 'restyled' me. I have never worn any of the clothes she picked out that day as when I got them home I knew they just weren't me.
I see some mums at school looking uber stylish and I'd love to look put together like that.

Does having your own style mean you buy from certain shops only? That would make my life easier as when I do need an item I trawl around every shop there is becoming more and more fed up that I don't like anything!

Any tips on how I can sort out what suits me and how to get my own style would be much appreciated. I am fed up wasting hours of my life wandering hopelessly around the shops and coming home with nothing!

I'm going to watch with interest, OP - if that's OK with you. I feel JUST the same!

No probs Blue2, hopefully we will get some ideas. Sick of being frumpmum!

If you don't know your style then defo don't shop in tkmaxx! When you see someone and like their style make a mental note of what makes it stand out to you. Is it two colours together? A particular shape?

Jemstar, I felt very like you after I had my first baby. I was really lucky to meet a great bunch of women here on S&B that really helped me. One thing that I did discover is the need to be strategic about your shopping. Plan, plan, plan if you can. So I try and do something like this:

List occasions that you need clothes for. Literally everything you do in life. So something like:

Park with DC's
School run
Coffee with friends
Dinner with DH
Lunch with family

Think about what you want to look like when they happen, what do you want to be wearing? Get magazines, use Pintrest, watch other women etc.

Make some notes of what you would like to wear and look at what things seem to crop up the most. So skinny jeans, blazer, etc might feature in a lot of outfits and therefore these are the things you should try and spend a bit more on, as these things will work harder than others.

Rather than use a shop for a style, I tend to use a certain shop for a certain item if I can. So, 90% of the time I know I can find, blazers in Zara, jeans in River Island for the high street, JBrand for premium, casual tops in Whistles etc.

Hope this helps, although I do not purport to be an expert at all! I just recognise the feelings and thoughts you mention above.

What do you own that you really, really love. Even if it isn't at all practical for your everyday life? I think those items are a really good indicator of personal style...

I think its hard to create a style for yourself if it doesn't come naturally but as a start why don't you look on the style boards on pinterst? Hundreds of images to get some ideas from & decide what you do & don't like.

I need to work at it. For too many years after my dcs were born I wasn't interested, I'd go shopping a few times a year and get very dismayed at how awful the clothes were, I used to spend a lot of money on clothes that didn't really make me look very good the whole thing was just painful.

Then something happened when I started to hang out on the S&B boards and I started to see looks I liked, I went shopping and tried the stuff on, some of it suited me, some didn't but I had in my head combinations I liked and I knew worked which was at least at good starting point. I visit this board at the start of each season, buy some glossy mags and have a look at Pinterest and I make a list of stuff I want to buy.

If I didn't wish to do a bit of research at the start of each season, I'd find a good stylist in a big Dept store.

I've also found Pinterest really useful. When I became a SAHM last year I had a bit of a style crisis as I'd worn a uniform at work. I've always know that my style is classic (aka safe and dull) as opposed to high fashion or bohemian etc but Pinterest has really helped me define it further. You basically need to spend lots of time going through the images on there and pin anything you like. Then you can study them further and look for themes eg are all your pins of jeans or dresses etc.

Also as someone else said look at other people. What is it about these other mums that look so über stylish and put together. Can you identify a common factor eg do they all have swishy hair or all wear the same sort of thing?

Do you have a friend you can shop with that won't 'restyle' you but will give you an honest opinion about things.

Hope this all makes sense. I am VERY tired and really should be in bed rather than wasting time on MN

Loads of good advice here.

Set yourself up a Pinterest board and do lots of browsing - pin things you like (don't worry about practicality)
Hang out in S&B for a while, click on lots of links and again pin things you like
Read some blogs, google celebs whose style you like, add them too.
Have a good look at it all and see what styles you can see. Which of it can you imagine wearing?

What do you already own that makes you feel good?
The idea of writing down all the things you do is excellent.

Book a personal shopper - they will pick out things that suit you and some of it might be surprising.

I also find it helpful to lay stuff out on the bed, think about what goes together and what extra bits would make it work better. Often something simple like a plain top in a particular colour or a scarf or a different pair of shoes opens up lots of possibilities (and I have a far from sparkling wardrobe atm!) Often finishing touches can give a fairly basic outfit a real lift.

It's also useful to do some browsing online before you go shopping, esp if you have something specific in mind.

Have a styling session with your clothes - try loads of things on with different things in your wardrobe - get to know which shapes work together - generally you can't do baggy top and bottom or tight top and bottom, choose one interesting item - bright colour, statement jewellery etc. discover what suits your body and complexion and lifestyle - neckline, colours, leg length etc.

Thank you all for your ideas. I think my main problem is that I am not sure what to wear for my age. I'm 37 and wouldn't feel comfortable in some of the very fashionable clothes that come out each season, but then I worry I veer towards frumpy mum clothes instead. What clothes or shops would you say are aimed at women my age? I am 5'3" curvy, size 12-14 trying to lose baby weight.

Also, I really don't have my spare money for clothes and it seems they are either too much or very cheap and only last a very short time. I know you will find this hard to believe but I don't have anything in my wardrobe that I love as there's not much in it! I had a huge declutter and gave away all my out of date clothes, some were nice but just really dated. As I'm trying to lose baby weight I haven't bought anything in a year other than a few cheap things from Primark. I really haven't got anything nice to wear and it's getting me down a bit now. If fashions change every season then surely anything I might for this SS, will be out of fashion next SS and I can't afford to buy things that can only be worn for one year.

I'm back to work soon and have no nice clothes for work which is worrying me as I just don't know what to buy. On the other hand at least there will be a little more money then for me to shop with!

Well, if you tell us what kind of job you have, and give us a budget, I bet we could come up with a couple of work outfit suggestions to get you started?

A lot of 'finding your style' is really about faking it until you make it. It's a confidence trick. I think you have to reach a point where you make a decision in your head to change things, and seek guidance in some form or other. Sometimes I copy ideas from websites where it shows the model wearing a garment I like. So if the model is wearing a blazer I covet, I look at what else has been styled with it. (Remember all the shoots will have been professionally styled!). If I like the whole look, I can think about buying the whole outfit and copying it straight. Who'll know? Or else I can use it as a guideline and think 'ok, so that blazer looked good with dark skinny jeans/whatever'.

Dressipi. Pinterest. ASOS. Magazines. All of these will help you.

And finally, please do try to forget about trends, trends are for 18-yr olds.

Thank you curtsey, thats very helpful. I like the idea of copying something from a site or magazine as I don't have the creativity to think of how to put thing together myself.

My job is part time in HR so office based. It is a fairly relaxed company, smart casual but I like to look smart and professional and the better I look the more confident I feel. Pre baby I used to wear wide flapping black trousers and tops or v neck jumpers. It was ok but a bit dull. My friend has suggested I try dresses as she said its easier then you don't have to think about matching separates. What sort of dresses might suit me, I am very conscious of my post baby tummy! The only thing I can't do is high heels as I have joint problems in my feet. Again though I always feel frumpy as I have to go for flatter style shoes. Many thanks.

Whilst you are trying to find your style may I suggest you do not make any major purchases yet, because you are trying to lose baby weight. Keep on decluttering your wardrobe, but window shop only,lots of good advise already about pinterest etc.
If you do need to buy anything stick to basics in neutral colours without patterns/animal print etc. So anything bought now will alway be wearable whatever your style.
When you do splash out, only buy something that will go with at least three other things in your wardrobe. eg. cream blouse.. wear to work with black trousers, casual with jeans, out to dinner with ankle skimmers.

Jemster, as you're 5'3", its hard to copy other styles or trends because sometimes they don't translate well if you're shorter. I have learned that the hard way. Is it your top half that makes you short or the bottom half? Ie I have normal 30" legs but very short torso. it means that certain styles are more flattering for me. I wear low rise trousers and jeans, a top and trouser combination would involve a top that's not tucked in, so is long-ish but stops above the bum. I don't wear long jackets/blazers but prefer the cropped jacket.

I don't want to complicate things for you but its important that you know this first as it will help you with styles. Google short waisted petite (which is me) and hopefully will explain it better than me!.

It is hard isn't it? I have too many styles I like and I'm trying to streamline. I used to have smart but individual work wardrobe and fashionable home wardrobe but now I work from home and tend to wear jeans and jumpers or neppy tees.
I think I may be bordering on mutton territory.
I love high street fashion and shopping but I think I should be wearing the more grown up versions of trends now. When I do though I feel like I'm playing at being mum.
Having children and leaving my job have really affected my sense of style.
I'm going to have a look at pintrest and follow the advice on here too.
Good luck!
Great Plains can be good for smart clothes for work that aren't too dull or out-there.
I do think a great fitting pair of jeans is always a good investment, as a 12-14 myself I find Levi's to be a flattering fit.

I'm 39 and shop in a variety of places although seems less and less nowadays as a, there's not much out there that I like and b, I will now only buy something if I genuinely need it and it will fill a gap in my wardrobe. The things worth spending money on are the things like jeans/trousers that you wear often. Any style as long as it suits you. If you want something really trendy just for a season then new look/primark type shops are great. I mainly shop from gap (although IMO the quality has gone down), oasis (although more trend led than it used to be and everything is so short, mango (I love their tops/blouses) and some from fat face/white stuff (which don't have to look frumpy, just depends how you war them). There's loads of cool flat shoes around-loafers, brogues, ballet, slipper styles so don't feel frumpy wearing them.

Accessories are also fab and at the moment I'm trying to look at lots of ways I can add accessories to my clothes to make them look different.

The best bit of fashion advice I've ever been given was from my Dad of all people, he said that when you do go shopping if you find an outfit that you love and they have it in different colours, buy them all!

The best bit of advice I've ever given myself is to stick to what you know, if you find a look that you love and feel confident with, stick to it. Fashion isn't about what you wear, its about how you wear it. Oh and scarves < they are an economical way to update "your style" with out having to splash out on new clothes the whole time.

Thank you for the latest replies. Bleedingheart I've just had a look at great plains and ordered some dresses in the sale at very good prices so will see what they're like.

Iseeall I agree I shouldn't buy any major purchases until lost baby weight although I will have to buy a couple of things for work as my pre baby stuff doesn't fit.

Queencadbury I was looking in Gap the other day and thought they had some nice things. It all seems to mix and match well in there too.

I have set up a pinterest account but if I see something while on another website how do pin it?

i tend to stick to certain colours and shades of that colour and buy all my clothes in these so that everything works together (more or less) i go for natural fabrics - personal choice - i'm just not keen on synthetics; i go for plain i wear straight leg jeans because i know they suit my body shape and my lifestyle - i wear tee shirts, granddad shirts, and long jumpers, long cardigans or cotton blouses over them.
Scarves scarves - i've got a big drawerful and jewellery to accessorize-
I do casual and smart casual (for work) and smart.

i don't go for what is the latest fashion or labels
Like Neri i will buy lots of the same item in different colours

I'm 36 and finally feel happy with how I dress. I don't do all the trends. Instead I stick with a sort of formula that works for me. I stick to fairly neutral colors with a few brighter colours that I like - teal, bright pink and olive. I am short so tend to shop at places that do petite ranges - Boden, Topshop, Next, M&S.
My work wardrobe consists of pencil skirts, slim trousers, fitted shirts, fitted cashmere sweaters and heeled ankle boots. A wool blazer. A good trench coat and nice scarves.
Weekends tend to be skinny jeans, breton tops, blouses, linen ts, ankle boots, leather biker jacket, parka style coat for cold days, scarves and satchel style bag.
Going out is Slim tousers , blouses, pointy heels, lace dreses, jersey dresses.

Thanks for the suggestions. I am going shopping tomorrow as return to work in 2 weeks. Any more suggestions to help me pick a few nice work outfits would be really appreciated. I will only work part time but it is every morning so I guess that's 5 outfits a week. Tight budget and hoping to lose baby weight over coming months. Many thanks