Help! I look totally rubbish!

[Findingmyself]

I am mid thirties and feel like I look very haggard and old. I see so many women of my age who look attractive, pretty and young for their age but I just look rubbish. How can I make myself look better? I used to be pretty but now I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Nothing ever looks right on me. Other women wear foundation and they have a golden glow whilst it just gives me a pale powdery complexion. Other women wear their hair up and look fantastic whilst wearing mine up makes me look awful.

I can't get over how much my looks have deteriorated :-(

Maybe you need a good haircut!

Can work wonders.

Also, why not ask for some help at a beauty salon and ask for advice.

I'm hardly a picture of youthful loveliness myself but never underestimate the power of a good haircut. Also, it strikes me that if you look pale and powdery with foundation, you need to try some more.

I have been feeling this way myself sometimes, also mid thirties, although I often get a surprised look when people hear my age, Im sure they probably think I am older. So marking my place here.... Im going to take that haircut advice too. The right make up and some new clothes will boost your self esteem too. Also some good advice I read recently that when you feel like this you should imagine your future self & think when she looks at a picture of you in your 30´s she will think how great & young she looked then. Make the most of the moment!!

You need to spend money, unfortunately.
Get a good haircut and colour an have a makeup lesson if you can. Start trying out different makeup brands.

Keep your nails manicured.

I think once you're about 35 these things become very important.

How about having a make over in a big store. I was offered one today in Debenhams but didn't really have the time.
I second the hair cut/colour advice.
Also try out a new perfume, I always feel much better when I am wearing perfume.

Have you had a baby recently OP?

I was you a few years ago. Now I'm almost 40 and look better than I did 10 years ago. I did a systematic style and makeup reassessment over a long period.

• Makeup & skin Odd bits of makeup from here and there won't cut it anymore. It sounds that your foundation is too cakey/powdery/drying/matte. Do you use primer? Luminous foundation? Highlighter? Blusher? Subtle makeup in colors that flatter you? (I need day SPF cream or primer, liquid foundation, blusher, highlighter, lipstick, eye pencil and mascara. I learned that paler and more neutral colors work better - a khaki platinum eye pencil opens up my eyes. Browns, bronzes, peaches generally make me look tired.) Good skincare routine? (a minimal approach works best for me: I wipe off my makeup and then wash off the cream makeup remover at night, and moisturize with Eucerin 5% urea cream or Chanel Hydra Beauty Serum in the morning - both give me a healthy glow but are not too greasy and don't clog pores.) If you haven't mastered skincare and makeup yet, read S&B or Makeupalley, or get to a counter (Bobbi Brown?) to learn to do a neutral makeup. Or watch some Youtube tutorials. I need about 15 min of work each morning to get to what I naturally looked like when I was 25. And I need a lovely lipstick color too.

*Hair & grooming
Get a good haircut and maintain it regularly.
Examine your hair color. I needed highlights, they make me look much younger because they take out the mousiness and illuminate my face.
Blowdrying my hair makes a huge difference. I also use one of those heated styling brushes to finish off.
Are your brows groomed and maintained?

*Eating well and taking care of yourself
After two pregnancies and two years of breastfeeding, my body felt drained.
I take a multivitamin every day, try to add fruit & veg to my diet.
Getting regular exercise is often difficult to schedule but if I make the effort, I will feel much better. I also need to make sure I sleep enough.

*General style
I had my colors done (this really influenced my makeup choices), evaluated what works for my body shape and analyzed what my general style is (I love classic, clean-lined clothes, often in bright colors - but have learned to use neutrals much better) and did multiple wardrobe purges. I recommend reading the book 'You are what you wear'

If this sounds like a lot, well it is, but for me it has been an enjoyable process. Cosmetics have evolved a lot, and primers (face and e/s) make a huge difference.

Dona has given some brilliant advice there OP.

I am 36. I need to make much more of an effort these days to look good, sad but true.

Re Makeup it would be good idea to go to a make up counter, but I would choose wisely as to which one. I think the brands that excel at the natural, healthy look are Bobbi Brown and Laura Mercier.

What is your beauty routine at the moment?

I'm 35 and have also been feeling like this. I have a almost 3 year old and just don't have any time to spend on me. I did go and get 7 inches chopped off my hair before Xmas and had it coloured and that made me feel pretty good. In fact it must have done something because I also bought some new make up and brushes and some new boots, the first time I've spent money on myself in ages. The thought of going back to work after Xmas depresses me somewhat because I tend to dress in a very dull way for work. I'm thinking of buying some new work clothes but I hate the sales so it'll probably have to wait.

I think finding time is a massive factor, and you need to work out ways of finding the time for you.

Some of the things I have learnt that have worked for me:

Find a hairdresser that does late appointments. I have highlights and a cut at 7pm. Means that DH is home by then to look after the DC's.

Use the DC's bath time to do some things. So whilst they are in the bath, I tidy my eyebrows, paint toenails etc, take make-up off, put a 5 min face mask on. Keep it all to hand in the bathroom and it makes it really easy.

Think about using services near work rather than home. I get my eyebrows threaded in a place near wear I work. Much easier to pop in for 10 mins on the way home, than organise the time with the DC's etc.

I have a really pared down make-up bag for every day. All the other stuff that I might use goes into a big bag. Otherwise, its just my foundation and primer, bronzer, eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss. Makes putting make up on really quick.

Also if you have reasonably thick hair, invest in a good hairdryer. I have a Purlux. Was ££ but worth every penny as it takes 5 mins to dry my hair with it. It has been a life saver.

Blusher. Use it.

The people you see looking young and pretty probably don't have children .

Seriously though, I think we all go through at some point but there's some really good advice on here. It's the little things that make a difference to my self esteem such as making time to shave my legs rather than letting them fester under my jeans. Also taking care of my nails and painting them. With kids it's easy to get stuck in a rut and say that there's no time to do anything but it is about making time for yourself as you will feel so much better about yourself.

There will be make up out there to suit you but you need to try lots before you find the one. Personally I love bobbi brown powder/blusher/bronzer, max factor mascara and good old Rimmel hide the blemish.

Hair wise, if you want towear it up there are loads of fab tutorials on you tube and pininterest. Those people you see with up do's have probably spent hours artfully arranging it.

I think a good skin care routine is really important so that any make-up has a good base. It doesn't have to be expensive but might involve a bit of shopping around to find what suits you. I have quite dry skin so I'm a sucker for anything that has the words radiant or illuminating on it!
A good haircut will definitely help along with a review of your colour. Skin tone does change as you get older so what once suited might be too harsh now.
Well groomed eyebrows also make a huge difference. I like to have mine threaded as it just seems to make them so well defined. I also get them tinted as they're a bit pale - really helps to frame your face.

Drink more water, don't eat crap, take some vitamins and omega. And do the hair cut, could change colour too. And smile, :)

I felt like that a couple of years ago, now I feel (mostly) happy with my face/head.
I had a makeover with "benefit" they showed me a day look and a night look but I don't use all there stuff. Powder foundation looks very powdery on me (i have dry skin) so I use a liquid foundation from boots. Touches eclat (aldi version) under eyes and around nose and mouth. I always make sure I have my eyebrows done as I feel they lift my face. Have regular facials as they make you feel better but also help/rehydrate your skin. And I have my hair done so that when It's down it looks fine but them I can add to it if I want by putting it up/slides etc.
Hope that helps.

Oh and if you have just had a baby, give yourself a break. I could barely manage to find time to brush my teeth back then.

In general, give yourself a break. It's quite hard to raise children, work PT or FT, keep the house organized, family fed and together and stay sane. So focus on small positive things and take small steps at a time, trying to create positive routines. It took me almost two years to get everything sorted out - I focused on one thing at a time. First things were getting my everyday clothes and hair sorted, and finding some face-brightening lipsticks, followed by learning how to deal with my skin (now drier than before and with hyperpigmentation and mild rosacea). I gave myself monthly treats - new makeup items and clothes. I also gradually purged old stuff that was not working any more. No need to use up that awful brownish lipstick from last decade and that stinky body lotion .

Blogs, Makeupalley, S&B, Youtube and Pinterest are full of good information - reading other people's experiences and recommendations will help but it is still trial and error.

I think a peachy/pinky cream blusher can fake a youthful-ish glow, helps me anyway and I look grey most mornings...Bobby brown do lovely ones, also NARS orgasm and from these threads I think I read that MUA ( 5) and Sleek (Golden rose or something like that) from Superdrug are good copies.

It really is about making more effort even when time is limited or you can't be bothered. And it's the little things that count, as many of the posters are saying.

Echo the advice to change your foundation. I was a double wear devotee for years but there was a supply issue recently (recalls as colours were put in wrong bottles!) so had to try a different one at a counter. When the lady showed me I realised how much drier my skin looked with double wear on now my teenage skin which lasted into my 20's had settled down. I now use YSL touché éclat foundation (not the pen thingy) and its really gorgeous, goes on nicely, gives a glowy finish and doesn't settle in any dry patches. I'm only 27 by the way, so it just shows how your skin just naturally goes through different stages without you noticing.

Definitely a good skincare regime and a good radiance foundation will be key to making you feel better about yourself. I hot cloth cleanse every night with a nice creamy cleanser and face cloth. Apply a serum and night cream (they can be really rich as will absorb in the night)- they make my skin look and feel beautiful in the morning (have a look at REN skincare- they have fab products).

I also use YSL Touch Eclat foundation iamabadger- gorgeous makeup. For so long, I had convinced myself that i had really oily skin and used the relevant products. Foundation that was completely mattifying and totally ageing. It made me look like a cadaver!! It was only when a Clarin SA actually told me that I had normal/ combo skin that was dehydrated. I had been completely drying out my skin. I now use products appropriate to my "proper" skin type.

I am currently breastfeeding my 3 month old, so do feel very drained. A multivitamin and a shed load of water and fruit/ veg helps me feel better.

I also think a really good set of underwear, particularly a bra does wonders for your posture and self esteem. Get yourself properly measured, if you haven't done so already. I find independent lingerie shops are much better (M & S always get my size wrong). I seem to recall our S & B bra expert saying "band size down and cup size up", or something like that!