Aaarrrgh help needed - outfit for Malaysian wedding, and I'm Mum of Groom and plus sized!!

[Selks]

This is really going to test you wise style and beauty ladies.

Today my lovely Son told me that he wants to marry sometime early next year his lovely Malay girlfriend. They've been going out together for four years since meeting at Uni and he has been living with her in Brunei for the last year. The plan is for them to marry in Brunei with a traditional Muslim wedding ceremony, and when they return to the UK in three years to live they will have a UK wedding. I'm so happy for him and she is a lovely woman etc etc.....

.....But what on earth am I going to WEAR???

• I am currently a size 24 but from now onwards will be dieting HARD and aim to be an 18-20 by the time of the wedding (approx March/ April next year)
• It will be boiling hot and very humid but I will still need to dress fairly modestly i.e. sleeves to at least elbow, legs covered, clothes not too clingy. Fabrics need to be cool and comfortable.

-I'm not Muslim but want to be respectful of cultural norms when I'm there. They'll all be dressed in traditional Malay clothing but western clothing will be fine for me and the rest of my son's family.

• I dislike dresses / skirts and am a natural casual dresser - find it v hard to do 'dressy'
• I will need two or three outfits as the wedding will last three days!!

OMG!!!

How about getting some dresses made for you?
Vogue V1312 patternin a fine linen with a big punchy red poppy could look good
Very cabbages and Roses?
Or a simple shalwar kamiz (not sure of spelling) style tunic top and trousers with an amazing necklace Like this one from Stella and Dot or this one
Normally would suggest lovely tailoring but as you say you need to go for comfort or you'll feel sticky in the heat.

sixteen47.com/? Has some really lovely stuff, very comfortable and lots of different fabrics. Generally pretty modest too. Not cheap but re-sells well on eBay.

The food is going to be amazing.

I agree that having something made up would be good. You will be sweating quite a bit so make sure that the fabric won't show change colour and show a sweat stain.

From chocolateteabag's link V8827 would work well in a gorgeous print fabric with a solid sash (a wider one than the pattern gives) with a full length skirt and elbow length sleeves. If it all gets too hot you can take the sash off and let the air circulate.

Malays usually wear gorgeous brights and primarys, so you would fit in if you did that. But it would look lovely if you went for muted like eau de nil, ice blue or traditional floral.

Go to a Muslim clothing maker and get them to make something beautiful for you.

Check this blog out. fozzilandnadhirah.blogspot.co.uk/2010/08/malay-wedding-dress-code.html?m=1

Also I'd definitely go for a loose fitting dress. But made with good quality material or at least something that looks smart especially since its a long drawn affair in the midday sun. Linen will crumple vv easily. I'd go for silk. Or some thing with silk in it.

Your son can possibly get something tailored for you vv cheaply over there (exchange rate in brunei would be half of the pound. Exchange rate in Malaysia is 1/6th!!).

V about the food!!!

I also dislike wearing dresses and skirts, but when I lived in that part of the world I wore them most of the time because trousers weren't as comfortable in the heat. In your position I would probably try and get a baju kurong made up, because they can be v. glam and simple and are also cool to wear.

Ooh thank you lovely ladies for your very interesting suggestions so far. I'm on my iPhone right now but will come back to this thread tomorrow on my laptop to browse the ideas.
Thank you for responding - I wasn't sure anyone would!

The baju kurung is the traditional Malay dress, which is a long, loose (ish) tunic over a long skirt. The baju kebaya is similar, but the kebaya is a much more fitted tunic (like the style of the Singapore Airlines' flight attendants' uniform).

Have a look at this blog, she seems to go to lots of weddings, but it gives you an idea of how people dress at Malay weddings.

shaelaiza.blogspot.co.uk/

I'd agree with drcrab and get your son to get you something made out there as it will be so much cheaper and the material will suit the weather so much more - what you think is light out here is not what is considered light out there.

hi selks,

I'm a Malay and from Malaysia.
you can wear kaftan dress..and it will be flowy and will be nice enough to wear in that hot weather.
something like this
or this [http://mysindependent.com/ beautiful dress as worn by kim kardashian in her visit to dubai]]

something long to cover legs...and if its too see thru, you can wear a vest inside with trousers.

How long will you be in there?
I know in Malaysia , a tailor cost is quite cheap. And it wont take too long to make the dress.

All those Malays won't mind too much on what you wear[ as long as it is properly covered] as they have a great respects for foreigners...but they will feel very very much appreciated ( and have a great respect of you ) if you try and wear the traditional malay dress like the baju kurung or kebaya.

THANK YOU all of you who have commented and offered suggestions- can't tell you how much this has helped my thinking around all of this!

I LOVE the look of Baju Kurung - I'll have to try to get at least one of them to wear I think - I'd look OK in one, they look really comfy and if it would create a good impression then even better! Maybe if I aim to arrive in Brunei a few days before the wedding I'd be able to get one made up locally? Would it be ok to wear it without a head scarf? I'm not really wanting to cover my hair - I'm not Muslim after all - or would that cause offence? My daughter (23) will be coming with me and she'd probably love a baju kurung too, but wouldn't be keen on wearing a headscarf.

I'm going to check out other ideas such as nice maxi-dresses with a lightweight jacket / cover-up over, and kaftan top and trouser combos, am thinking pretty colours with beading etc...will try not to do drab!

Great to know that there will be some larger Bruneian / Malay ladies - I had an image in my mind of people being petite and me feeling like a huge great heffalump

Thanks for the link to the blog of Malay wedding dress ettiquette - that's hugely helpful.

Blimey what an adventure this is going to be!!!

Thanks all again.

Any more suggestions are very welcome.

Snowybaby, I'm aiming to be there for three weeks, ideally with at least a week before the wedding. I'd love to offer to help the bride's parents with the preparations - would they like that or could it be awkward? They only speak Malay, and I only speak English, though

the kaftan combo with wide leg trousers is a decent enough if you cant find a dress. the flowier the better in that hot weather.
This is pretty.

Beaded kaftan is a quite cheap over there.

You don't have to wear the head scarf. But if the solemnisation takes place in a mosque, you might want to cover the hair . Something lightweight like chiffon will do.

Of course you can offer the help. It's not awkward at all. They might refuse it first ( That's the code for being polite and they don't want to trouble the guest) but if you insist they will happy for you to help them with the preparations. Don't worry if the parents does not speak English. I am sure there will be other people who will be happy to be your intrepreter. Usually there's lot of people helping for the wedding at the bride's parents.

It might be nice if you bring something ( like cake or fruits ) before you pop over at the bride's house. You will get extra marks there for being so thoughtful!!

if you have any more question to ask about the malay culture or wedding and so on...just mail me at [email protected].

Thank you very much, snowybaby; I may well take you up on that and it might be nearer the time, so if you get a random email from a Mumsnetter panicking about her son's wedding in Brunei that will be me!

I lived in Malaysia just across the border from Brunei. Wear a traditional dress you will look fab. You could wear a Kebaya blouse. You will need to have a couple of weeks to get something really nice made by a good tailor as they get busy. Probably one week would be ok.

If your son is in Brunei could you get him to get something made for you? Don't panic you will have a lovely time.

I've just spent a some time happily googling kebaya's, god they're gorgeous.
If you look here she does made to measure clothes as well as ready made outfits...they're really beautiful.

I need a baju kebaya in my wardrobe....

Thank you for your helpful posts both of you. So fab to have had so many replies on here .

I've been speaking to my son and my daughter-in-law-to-be today by skype and they've both reassured me that it will be fine for me to wear what I like (as long as it is broadly respectful) and that I can have an outfit made for me when I arrive, so that's great.
I'm also thinking of a couple of nice maxi dresses and lightweight shrug tops for less formal days, plus linen/lightweight trousers and floaty tops.

For the main wedding day I'm thinking of ordering this lace wrap top and this chiffon skirt to go with it....what do you reckon?

I really like it, think it would suit my figure and it would be modest enough.

No idea what shoes to wear with it though as I really can't do heels, particularly in the heat (plus I'm taller than the bride and all of her family anyway.....I'll look like a giant in the photos!!)

I think they look lovely! (I originate from that part of the world and am certain that will work!!).

Thank you!