Speak to me as though I was a child...

[MeanAndMeaslyGabeeshAges]

Ok, I am absolutely clueless about clothes and fashion. I haven't even glanced in the direction of looking naice for about 14 years - I'm 32 and I'm fucking sick of looking like a scruff. I want to look nice and fashionable again but I literally have no idea where to start. I want to feel nice about myself. I think I'd be pretty if I tried but have got in the rut of not trying and now I don't know where to start.

I can do face makeup. That's where my skills start and end. But clothes, hair and nails leave me baffled. I need tutorials I think but everything I look at seems so hard. I need to start with the basics and work up. I have long nails for the first time in my life and painted them tonight, but they look so messy! How can I balls that up? How do you even paint nails without getting your fingers and cuticles?

My hair is boob length, brown and wavy, with friggin frizzy bits that always escape. Shorter hair is nice but doesn't really feel like 'me'. I have ghds

How tall are you? Are you far, thin or in-between?

What's your lifestyle like: professional, SAHM, do you spend a lot of time outside/doing messy stuff? How long do you have to get ready in the morning?

We need to know before we can recommend shops and styles!

Ah, posted too soon.

I can straighten my hair but it never stays straight for long. I quite fancy doing a simple updo, maybe using one of those donut things, but haven't got a clue. It's not a great condition either, no style to it. Can't even do a neat pony tail. I like the idea of using scarfs in/on my hair.

I'm a size 15 with post baby belly and big boobs, so always get it completely wrong with clothes fitting me - either too tight or unflatteringlu baggy. Most tops I like would not suit me as they wouldn't cover my belly flatteringly.

I like a vintage look - victoriany or 50's style. And modern styles too, just don't know where to start. I tend to look frumpy or old fashioned. Fed up of this. Time and money are issues of course, I think those are the biggest problems. With more money I could fix the clothes, with more time I could do something with the hair. As for when I go back to work in the new year - God help me!

God's not returning my calls on this one though - could you help me?

I'm5'7 tall, bit of a belly but not too plump (although one chin too many), untanned but not nicely pale either! I'm currently on mat leave with a baby but would normally be in an office. Shoes are an issue as I'm flat footed and have fibromyalgia, so can't cope with heels. Currently a shut in most days but want to get out more and feel nice. My son is a bit clingy so not masses of time.

Thank you!

This website has some great simple hairstyles to copy. My hair is just past shoulder-length and it's not quite long enough to do them all, but a few work really well.

I can't wear heels and like Russel and Bromley or Office for a good range of flat shoes.

I have seen links on here to some great websites selling 50s style dresses - try doing an advanced search for 50's or vintage and see what comes up?

Wow, thanks for that link alma - just had a browse and there were quite a few styles there that might suit me and I might just be able to manage with practice

I should also add my hair tends to look pretty dry at the ends. Poss a trip to the hairdressers required, but does anyone hair any tips on making it look healthy? Mind you, it usually looks nice after straightening it so if I straightened it a bit and then did the style it would probably look ok, and it wouldn't matter if it wadn't poker straight.

Would love to learn how to make it look a bit Kate Middletony too.

I think what I'm actually in need of is a new body a magic wand.

Thank you!

Look on Youtube re Kate's hair...can't link at the minute...

Ok, here's my usual updo: step by step.

1. Brush hair into high ponytail. Leave fringe and/or a few tendrils of hair hanging. If hair is frizzy, rub in some FrizzEaze Secret Agent. It'll make it lovely and sleek.

1. Pop a donut around the ponytail. A big one cos you've got lots of hair.

1. Spread hair over donut and wind round, tucking the ends in.

1. Wrap large hair elastic round to secure it. You could pin with Kirby grips if you prefer

Et vola! A sleek updo that looks stylish but takes minutes. You can now experiment with adding fancy hairslides, thin head bands, hair combs, wrapping a ribbon round the bun and so on for different looks.

NB this also works exactly the same with the bun at the nape of your neck either I'm the middle or at the side, but put your hair into a side parting first.

HTH. Next lesson, liquid eyeliner

Oh, and RE Fashion.

Now, obviously fashion comes and goes. I tend to only pick what suits me. For example, I've got short legs, do I've let the sheer asymetric long skirts pass me by- Although I have done so with a heavy heart! It's also i bit expensive to go got a whole new look all at once.

So here are my suggestions: First, see what you've already got. Pick out jeans, trousers and skirts that suit you and grab any plain tops you have. Now, we need to accessorise. Go to Primark, New look, Accessorize and Dorothy perkins for reasonably priced jewellary and pick up earrings, bracelets and funky long necklaces. You can see what goes together as it's usually shelved together IYSWIM. I also love a good scarf for jazzing up an outfit or jacket and get a naice handbag.

Second, pick a couple of looks you think will suit you, You've said 50s and I agree, that's a fab look for curvy girls like us. Here's where to invest a bit- get a few dresses- prom style haltenrecks are very flattereing to the big boobed and a fitted pencil dress will nip in your waist and tummy. If you're scared of it, add a waist belt too. With this look, dont forget a pair of chic backseamed stockings/tights and, if you like heels, a pair of black satin platforms will go with everything and are fairly comfortable and easier to walk in then stilettos.

Ok, I'm stopping now!!

What was wrong with that message? Twasn't rude!

Probably trying to sell something.

Oh yeah, proably Paul's Boutique bags! Durrr, nightshift brain.

Nails - my advice is to keep them short, use oil to soften your cuticles and push them back, file, then pain as best you can, accepting that there will be a bit of mess and some polish will get on to your cuticles / skin. Then just chip off the messy bits next time you are in the shower, they will be transformed (I paint my nails about an hour before bed, then deal with the mess in the shower next morning). Berry colours are nice, or Chanel Rouge Noir if you like a bit of glam?

Thank you so much for your tips and sorry I haven't replied sooner - sicky baby at the moment and I wanted to reply to each of you properly but time is not on my side. When it is I'll come back properly.

However, you'll be pleased with my progress. I managed to paint my nails and only fucked up one of my fingers! And I tried a hairstyle from the link and it didn't look half bad! Easy to do and with a bit of practise I reckon I'll nail it. I also bought some leggings as I have nice legs and jeans aren't doing anything for me, and two tops from Next ghat I'm reasonably confident look flattering, are fashionable and tick all the boxes I wanted. I bought a donut and some clear hair bands and am feeling very confident and it's all thanks to you lovely ladies!

i am utterly unsure about 50's style prom dresses, although I know everyone loves then on here and I'll be lynched
i think that unless you are the full rockabilly you just look a thick waisted chump

dreadful

however if you have great pins why not a tunic leggings set of looks
or dress leggings....easy to throw on and look the biz
with tits (I am also norky) I wear slash neck or v neck

also straight legged jeans with some heels (trainer wedges mebbe?) and a drapey tunic layered over a l/s v fine tshirt is fab

fingernails: it doesn't matter if the nail varnish gets on your fingers or cuticles. wait until it's completely dry and wash hands with washing up liquid...it comes of skin and cuticles easily
also go to the student beauty places you'll get a decent nail paint and shape for a £5

hair is worth a bit of work...it's a practise game and far from effortless until you get your thing
i like the babyliss big hair thingy but it's a ball ache until you learn how to make it do
also 9/10 drying your hair, splitting it into a few sections and winding them up into sausages and make into buns whilst you get everything else ready..
make up on, baby ready etc
take the buns out just before you leave and your hair will be all kate middleton or at least a little filmstarry (haha)

hth