How do you look in the mirror and like what you see?

[Lovemy3kids]

Just that really.....how do you learn to like what you see in the mirror??? (Have posted this in chat too as I am not sure of the best place to post it)

I avoid them as much as possible (which can be difficult as my bedroom wardrobe is ceiling to floor mirrored doors which remain open most of the time so I can avoid seeing myself) because i don't like what i see.

not 100% sure when this first started - I suppose it must come from when I was growing up as I was a chubby child and my 2 sisters were thin and athletic.....I munched on chocolate and crisps! My mum left us with my dad when I was about 3 years old, but I have a fantastic relationship with her.

My dad never compliments but makes "remarks".

Married the 1st man that asked as i was still fat at this stage and thought no-one else would want me......then got pregnant, had a child, lost weight and men started to take attention of me. Left my husband, got involved with another man.....who then proceeded to be unfaithful to me 3 times. I left him last year and am now on my own with my 3 children.

I have had a couple of partners in the last 12 months....but I feel that they sleep with me because they feel sorry for me (and yes I used condoms!).

I'm 5ft 9", take a size 12 on top and 14 waist so i KNOW that i'm not overweight....but i just don't like what i see and I don't know where or how to start. People tell me I am attractive with a great body.....but they only ever see me with clothes on.....I get to see the WHOLE version and HATE, HATE, HATE IT!

Any advice mumsnetters???

Sounds like you need counselling or some kind of self help book

Does anyone look in the mirror naked and like what they see? I certainly don't as all I see is droopy boobs and a stretch marked jelly belly. But I know I can cover up with nice clothes and look reasonable.

It does sound like you have self esteem issues and may be some counselling would be helpful. Do you have a GP that you could talk to that could refer you?

I don't like what i see that much but I also don't care that much

I honestly think you need to think much more broadly about self esteem rather than just about how you look. There are plenty of fat people who have wonderful marriages, and disfigured people, and skinny people, and bald people, etc etc. etc. what you look like does not determine what you deserve in life or love.

I think much in the same way that you can look at someone you love, see their "flaws" but still they look great to you - I'm far from "perfect", have v wobbly thighs and psoriasis, and post 2 humungous babies belly, but I like my body - it does a good job, gets me around, and the humungous babies were worth it - feels like a miracle it shrank back as far as it did. I don't see any reason to be harsh to myself, tbh. But that's easy to say, I guess, harder to suddenly apply.

I do think psoriasis was my saving grace, tbh - got it aged 16, and then you realise that if everyone's looking at your patches, they're not so much noticing wobbly thighs, so I started to just march in to changing rooms and merrily smile at anyone who stared...

Hi OP, I too used to hate seeing myself in mirrors but it was due to issues i've had since childhood. I saw a therapist for a year and a half and now have a completely different view, i.e. through my own eyes and not the false view I had previously.

By the way, the reason for therapy was nothing to do with not liking how I looked, but ' liking' myself was one of the many positive outcomes.

I see photo's of myself and i can see that I am not as fat as i actually see myself - but I don't know how to value or like what i have got....if that makes sense. I too have wobbly thighs, have had 3 children and have stretch marks and i also have lymphodeoma in my foot/leg which i have learnt to live with......but i just DON'T like what i see.

I have tried counselling when my STBXH and I seperated....and that didn't help one little bit....and we did cover the issue of me liking myself.....but still no help

I just don't know where to start and how to get my head around it all

I hardly ever look in mirrors (obviously). Just don't look?

although sometimes my oldest daughter makes me list three things I like about my appearance, it's an impossible task, you could try it though?

Hypnotherapy and NLP really helped me, I still have periods of self loathing but itso much better than before. Also working out lots boosts my confidence.

Same as anything else in life - focus on the good bits and emphasise them so the bad doesn't get you down too much. Don't focus your energies on getting perfect thighs or whatever, as it's probably never going to happen. Focus instead on your lovely long eyelashes/curvy waist/great breasts/shapely ankles (!) etc.

same as maybenow.

I don't look in the mirror that often (only to make sure I am presentable). I would love to look a lot lovelier than I do but I look good enough for me and sometimes I look very nice.

The key is that I do not solely identify myself with what I look like. It's a part of me but so is my inability to do art. I don't spend hours fretting that I can't draw a straight line and nor do I spend hours fretting that I am not absolutely beautiful. I suppose I did as a teenager but life's too short for that - now I have other things to worry about.

I don't think your issue is getting to love what you look like. I think it's over-estimating how important that is to your self-esteem. You can be happy and confident and still know that you are only ordinary looking (me). It would be nice to be beautiful but I'm not. I do what I can with what I've got and accept that I'm lucky to have what I have.

Sorry that sounds a bit sort of blunt and boring.

You have been through a hard time, go easy yourself.

I look in the mirror now and don't totally hate what I see. I have lost over a stone recently, so that has really helped. But as the weight goes, I've started to notice that I'm looking older.

My body has let me down a bit recently and I've needed operations, but at the moment I'm fairly mobile and slimmer than I was. I'm starting to think about how I can dress a bit better and have much more confidence in myself now.

When I look in the mirror, I no longer feel that I'm stuck being that person. I feel positive I can change myself, body and soul.