I wish Toast wasn't quite so wanky

[SundaeGirl]

They've just sent me an email inviting me to the Wilderness Festival - no, thanks although I'm sure it will be lovely - and telling me they'll be 'curating' the spa there. Aside from use of the word 'curating' in any context outside the British Museum or similar completely getting my toss-o-metre whirring, they had a total load of twattery about how I could unwind with them by swimming in the cool lake or relaxing in dappled sun.

Urgh. Obviously, it will rain and and someone will fly tip loads of calor gas canisters into the lake, but even that brings me zero comfort. I almost love Toast and really want this dress but then they get my back up...

Oh god their catalogues are SO wanky. It really is as if whoever writes them is a frustrated rubbish poet who is fecked off that their witterings have never won them a pulitzer prize, so imposes them on a captive audience just because they can. I actually cringe when I read them. Somehow it's worse than the Boden catalogue which just makes me laugh

And the clothes are mainly that special kind of frumpy/mannish shape that can look great if you are 7 foot tall and built like a breadstick, but would make any normal woman look completely bonkers.

I see some things I like in the catalogue but I know from experience they probably won't fit my pear shape - I've just had the occasional dress and pjs that I liked. So that saves some cash...

I am 7 ft tall, well, almost.

And I like the poetry and style.

it appeals to me, somehow. It all oozes calm and good taste

Just yesterday I was fuming over this piece of total wibble in the latest catalogue as I tried to peruse it in the garden (yes i have had to go and get it so I could copy it down right...):

"On the high plain

Weathered fences beginning
out of nothing,

Ending nowhere"

Eh? wtf? What do you mean a fence beginning out of nothing? It's not a cloud ffs, it's a structure that someone built, how can it begin out of nothing? And of course it doesn't end nowhere, if that was the case the entire globe would be covered with fence. Follow it and it will probably end a couple of miles away, maybe at a shambolically dingy "atmospheric" farmhouse where you can do your next shoot.

CLAPTRAP

brilliant!

I refuse to buy their clothes because of the wank fest.

and I would look like a 19th century Polish potato picker

But see, I LOVE that poetry! I know just what the writer means.

And I am a descendant of 19th century potato pickers.

so it is just right for me.

But, Begonia, it's figurative.

See, I am a frustrated poet who has never won a prize. Maybe I should be wearing Toast all the time (except that I'd have to win the prize to be able to afford it - but at least it would last me through the long years while I waited to win another prize ...).

I love Toast but rarely buy anything from there as it is too expensive, usually something from the sales 70% off once a year.

Agree some of it is frumpy. Got a lovely green jacket end of 2 summers ago, £150 down to £39 and i wear it a lot.

And.....i have been told that i look a little like Virginia Woolf - didn't take it as a compliment at the time!

Begonia Hilarious .... that 'poem' is pseudo-profound drivel.

Are you fucking kidding me?
www.toast.co.uk/product/HOUSEHOLD/6ASTL/STORM+LANTERN+WICKS.htm?categoryref=%2fcategory.aspx%3fcategoryid%3dHOUSEHOLD%26seoterm%3dHousehold%26&pcat=HOUSEHOLD&adimage=&clr=6ASTL_Parchment

Everything I've bought from Toast I love/wear a lot, with the exception of a pair of brown cords. I haven't bought anything the past couple of seasons, because it's been terrible, even with 80% off, but autumn looks better.

How does their bamboo jersey wash - does it bobble? The linen/cotton jersey is very hard-wearing, but they don't have that this time.

some of it indeed droopy and deary, but some of it is lovely. bought this silk shirt yesterday and the print is lovely.... here

I like natural fabrics - Toast isn't the only place that does them.

But I am short as I mentioned and Toast sizing is large even their size 6 and is not cut for petite women generally.

I am clearly far tartier than the average Toast customer

This is very pretty and not frumpy look

I like the tunics like this one with skinny jeans or leggings with lovely boots. Perfect for me but then as I work in an ancient library the 'frumpy' V. Woolf style is obviously a suitable one!

It is all a bit sack-like and seems designed to make you look a bit bonkers.
I would look so dumpy.

I always think their catalogues are begging to be customised with speech bubbles. There was one last winter with two women, one young and one older, and a man in a dingy atmospheric farmhouse. It could have been either a menage a trois or parents conducting an intervention with their adult daughter. The best photo was one where the daughter/younger woman was sitting in the woodpile wearing a necklace made out of sticks.

Bit worried now that I may look bonkers and not know!

I love their plates and bowls ... though they are ridiculously expensive.

I do think they're often dodgy colours and sort of 'safe', not-very-well-fitting cuts, a bit like Jigsaw, but the fabrics are so nice I can forgive them.

I have enjoyed this thread btw

No frilly, you are probably a "geek chic" icon!

Just kidding.

I have just rediscovered toast.

I want to live in a toast catalogue for one day a week, nice for a break!

I do rather like the look on women who wear it well but just know its not for me.

Frilly I suspect you look wonderful

Well thank you. I like to think I look like a sort of sexy tousled librarian (I actually am a librarian btw) - probably a mad delusion but I am sticking to it. Anyway I like Toast even if they do have pretentious catalogues!