Another frump, but what's the point in trying?

[FaintingGoat]

A summary of what I posted on the fump thread:

I'm realising I've reached frumpsville ahead of time. I'm 34. I wear cheap jeans, trainers, and t-shirts, not hugely baggy ones, but not nice ones. I don't make much effort because I have no idea what looks good on me. I have got quite fed up with my wardrobe recently and got rid of quite a bit, but I've no idea where to start replacing it. Not many decent shops here, and I don't have lots to spend.

I don't know what's really suitable for my age - probably not New Look and Peacocks any more, but surely not M&S yet, either? I'd hate to be wearing something "too young" or wear something fashionable but completely mis-matched. Basically, I would rather look shit because I haven't tried, than because I've tried and got it wrong.

So I got up this morning and made a bit of an effort - a reasonbly fitted t-shirt, (still my bleach-splashed cheap jeans, no alternative unfortunately) but did my hair, put on some make up, thought I looked ok. Had to go out, needed some groceries and thought I'd look in a couple of clothes shops on the way. It's windy here today, my hair is shoulder length and very curly, so tying it back means lots of ends sticking out everywhere, or glue it down with lots of mousse. Or I can just let it blow across my face, preventing me from seeing anything, and generally ending up like a bird's nest. Today I went for option 2. Well, DD (1yo) started screeching within ten seconds of me getting in a clothes shop, so that was a write off. I did the grocery shopping, the shop was so hot, and with wrangling the pushchair and a basket, by the time I had done the shopping I was a hot, sweaty, windblown mess. Basically I end up looking a bloody state no matter how much effort I make, so what is the point?

Fainting, if you have some cash to throw at it, Paige denim,hidden hills are skinny without being skinny - they're straight leg but slim.

Avoid t-shirts. Sure they work on Wags. But, Not so much everyone else.

nothinggoldcanstay I'm probably too late to get a reply but which brands / stores do your friends buy for the expensive bohemian look?? ()

Are you happy with your haircut? If not, maybe you could start with a new haircut and new underwear that fits properly and then you might start feeling better and more ready to tackle some clothes shopping.

Or do it in small stages - make a list of what makes sense for your lifestyle to buy first - maybe first jeans, then some nice tops, then a light coat for autumn, then a dress etc etc.

I quite like Blazers as they look a bit smart without any effort.

I know it seems as everyone dresses the same and it can be a bit boring, but I think it can be good to have a safe outfit that makes you feel good.

Oh, and H&M is the best shop! If I am going on a shopping trip I will go there first and often no where else. If I am feeling a bit 'meh' about all my clothes and how I look, then often looking on their website helps me get it together again.

I used to like H&M when I lived near one, but I did find that things lost shape as they were worn and washed. But their prices are good, I guess you can't have it all ways. I will check out their website. The little bit of Cos stuff I've seen, I have to admit, looks horrendous to me, that's definitely a brand I'd have to try on with an open mind. (No danger of finding any Cos gear around here.)

FairPhyllis No, I do not like my hair cut! But I am stumped as to what to do with it. It is just past shoulder length, layered and very curly. I think if I could figure out how to style it well I'd like it a lot more. When I put products on it I end up with "crunchy" wiggly hair, rather than nice soft curls. I'm reluctant to cut it as I'm getting married next year so want to keep my wedding-hair options open.

When I was out yesterday I was looking at what other people were wearing, and part of me though "dear god, I don't look that bad actually" - it was tracky bottoms and shapeless hoodies all round. I was in the supermarket though. Then I told myself not to be bitchy, and forgot all about it as it was time to pay for my shopping! I'll try and pay more attention when I'm out today :)

Thanks again for all the advice!

I also have wayward curly hair and day to day I have it tied back with the front bit pinned to the side. The Tony &Guy spray gel is amazing!

I do think you need to have a good look around online before you decide what to buy to avoid any expensive mistakes!

Oh, and agree wrt to Cos, I'm sure it looks better in real life :o

Ohh I love Cos! Literally could buy most pieces from their website (as I proved).

Horses for courses and all

OBface If there was a shop nearby, I would happily go in and try on. I am beginning to realise that you just can't get a good idea of how things look from seeing them on the hanger. Their clothes just look very odd shapes from what I've seen, all really big around the middle, which goes against all my instincts. As I've demonstrated though, my instincts are far from reliable! :)

I think my dentist wears this

Just kidding, each to their own, as you say. Just been having a quick look at Cos's website, some of the items looks lovely, impeccably tailored, but some of them really don't do it for me. A bit beyond my price range anyway, but definitely some interesting items, and very nice to see something a bit different.

Not at all! You know what works for you best and what you like.

Yes a lot of the Cos range could look a bit shapeless. But then it's a question of balancing an outfit as a whole, pairing a looser top with tighter trousers and vice versa.

OBface - you got really nice stuff! I had never looked in Cos before, but love those tops and the cape dress!

What's the leather jacket like? Have been looking for a nice one for ages and that one looks nice and a good price.

That is indeed very clinical not to my taste

To be honest you can get similar items from most high street shops. Perhaps a bit cheaper would be Mango, Zara etc.

I would perhaps start with a capsule wardrobe of a pair of indigo skinny or straight leg jeans, a couple of neutral tops/t shirts, a jersey blazer (I have this one, very easy to wear), a shirt (lots in the shops at the moment), a couple of plain vests (Primark fine for these), a pair of flats, a day dress (I love the one I linked to from Cos above) and a couple of scarfs.

I know this isn't perhaps the most original way of dressing but then I'm not sure that matters?

Tugamommy it hasn't arrived yet! I'll update as soon as it does. I've also been looking for a while but didn't want to spend circa £400... fingers crossed the quality is good!

Let me know :)
Although I would prefer brown.....

Will keep my eyes peeled for you!

Just remembered this beauty from Reiss. Not sure what your budget is but is gorgeous...

I would second the idea of a good hair cut, it really does make all the difference.
If you don't want anything dramatic due to yor wedding then how about a colour consultation.
Something as simple as hair dye could make all the difference.
I too would avoid t shirts unless you are very toned, they highlight all imperfections. Even slim people can look flabby in them.
Aviod too short a top with too low a cut jeans, again unless you have an absolutely flat stomach.

I would second the trench/mac coat idea. I have a dark beige, lightweight one and it is useful over many months.

I do think that if you feel confident about yourself then you don't have to follow the herds. Never buy something just because it is fashionable. What a skinny 16 year old can get away with a 34 year old mother often can't.

Book yourself in to have a makeover with Clarins or someone. You might not like everything they do but will certainly pick up some very good tips.

Wear perfume, it never fails to make me feel better.

I would disagree with the posters who say t shirts should be avoided. There are many many different styles and not all are fitted! The Zara linen tee for example is a great wardrobe staple that would suit most figures.

I think my hair is a big part of the problem, to be honest. Over the years I've come to understand that fighting the curl is just pointless, so I try to just go with it, but I know it could look lots better. I actually went to the hairdresser last week, but it's not great.

When DP asked what I wanted for my birthday, I told him how I've been feeling, mentioned wanting some nice new underwear (which he duly bought), and that I needed to go to the hairdresser, so he paid for me to go. I told them it had been a year since I last coloured it, so imagine my surprise when she only applied dye to the roots. I questioned this and she said it doesn't need doing all over every time. I reminded her it had been a year, and said she'd be combing it through to blend it, and that the colour match was fine. Well, I foolishly trusted the professional, but when I got home and it was fully dry, it was blatantly fresh, new colour at the top, and old, faded, washed out colour at the bottom. So I rang them and to be fair they were very good about it (as they should be!), and I went back in the next morning to have it put right. The colour really is a bit too dark, it's not how it looked on the shade card, but it's not awful, I can live with it for now. But I think I'll go somewhere else next time!

I wisk Gok would turn up on my doorstep and sort me out, I like him. I'd even settle for Trinny and Susannah, although I draw the line at the one from 10 Years Younger, I think she puts people in some awful stuff.

Btw RainbowSprite I PM'd you, did you get it?

Ooohh beauty indeed, but way above my budget! I was looking more at Zara prices, preferably with some discount....

I like the John Frieda foam for home hair colouring - might be worth a look?

For skinnies, I swear by the M&S treggings - the name is godawful but they are a great price and hold their shape well (though they do need a belt).

For jersey dresses, I like White Comany sales and because I'm short, I like it when they have them a bit shorter!

For t-shirts, I find Warehouse or Hobbs to offer reasonable ones that are nicer than standard old M&S etc and also hold their shape better.

I never find anything in Zara - it always looks like a jumble sale and I think the quality and fit are generally quite poor. But it's probably better for tall, skinny people. I like the idea of Cos but it's totally wrong for my shape and a lot of it comes across quite sackcloth and ashes - again, probably better for tall, skinny folk.

Have you looked at any of the blogs(I like does my bum look 40 in this and school gate style)? I've found seeing how real 30-40 YO women wear clothes has helped kick me out of my comfort zone, and I'm. Ot kidding, the number of compliments I've had since only a few tweaks has been eye opening. It's not necessarily expensive,in my case it was buying a few scarves and just thinking about how to accessorise my outfit before going out.

I'd also say it took me until my youngest was about 3 before I could start thinking beyond comfort/easy washing wear.

Thanks Carrie I haven't looked at at any of the blogs, I tend to avoid them as too much time gets eaten up by the internet anyway! But I will have a look and hopefully get some ideas :)