suitable for a wedding?

[CluelessWeddingGuest]

I haven't been to a wedding for a very long time. I'm now 40. And fat.

I have a possible dress, but it might be a bit evening looking. I've looked at other people's photos on facebook of weddings they've been to, and they tend to wear things that are shorter, often with jackets, and I don't know if this is more ball-gown that is suitable. I have very large calves and thighs, so really I need something that is mid-calf to be comfortable, and the choices seem to be very informal summer dresses/skirts at that length (I'm quite short), or evening ones.

I put a photo on my profile. It's got sequins around the straps and neck. Fitted under the bust, then drops to mid calf, silky. I got it in a massive sale but not quite sure what it's for. I'd wear some kind of shrug or shawl I expect. I dont think the wedding is very formal (registry office, village hall). I like to blend in and not be noticed much, and don't want to turn up wearing something over the top, but yet also want to not feel too frumpy.

I can't see your profile. Sequins sound a bit OTT for a wedding though.

I think I've fixed the profile now.

Yes that's what I'm worried about. They are white sequins on a blue dress, not really shiny or anything, just a trim. But I worry more ball-gown than wedding.

Might have to be the other dress, which is a bit the other way, more summer and sandals than wedding! But might be OK with heels.

I can't tell from that picture, it looks a bit more beachy than ball gown to me, but I can't see length or tell if it is fit or flare

looks fine to me :)

thanks. still not quite sure.

It's not beachy, as the fabric is too smart for that - I think it's silk (it's from Monsoon). It's fitted at the bust and just under, and then flares out down to mid calf, quite full (though it's actually sorts of panels of fabric with slits between them, which you don't really see until you sit down and the sections separate a bit). I have a scarf I could wear, or a shrug might be possible, which I've just been out looking at. The beads/sequins go all along the straps and the trim at the back, just like the front.

Or the other dress might be ok with heels, it's more of a summer cotton dress, flowers etc, also a gathered band under the bust and then flared skirt. Most people I've seen in wedding photos seem to have Phase8 kind of dresses, lace or ruching or something else to make them elegant, quite short, but not strappy exactly, and tighter skirts. But that doesn't suit me.

I think it looks fine.

If it is the kind of Monsoon dress I think it is then you will be great. If it were an entire sequin ensemble then I would say re-think!

Don't worry about the "standard" wedding guest outfit. If you aren't comfortable in a fitted dress then please don't even try - you will spend the whole day feeling uncomfortable and "on show". Much better to stand out for all the right reasons - confidence and an unusual but still absolutely suitable dress :)

Actually, I think it looks good. It isn't really sequins as I had imagined them. Go for it.

thanks. I guess I just need confidence, as I'm kind of nervous about the wedding for lots of reasons, so I don't want my clothes to add to them! Just want to be comfortable, not feel too frumpy, not feel too overdressed, just kind of fit in. But things that I'd be comfortable in, I know would look frumpy, which would then make me uncomfortable at the same time. And things that might look like what everyone else is wearing, would then look awful on my shape, so again I'd be both comfortable at fitting in, but uncomfortable at the result.

Definitely fitted dresses are out, as I'm quite big to start with, and also I might be playing an instrument at some point that requires sitting in a rather inelegant position, hence the need for fairly long and fairly full skirt! But not easy when you are short and fat. Something tight under the bust and flared from there seemed a good plan shape wise, but it's finding the right sort of fabric that doesn't either look like a fat little girl in a party dress, or evening gown, is hard!

I could wear a white shrug with it, though white is not a great colour for me. Or a scarf that has colours in it, or maybe both. I never quite know about scarves though, they look ok when you have them draped just-so, with your arms by your side, but once you start doing stuff, moving, holding things, then just sort of hang like a giant tent-cover. But maybe I just need to practice looking more elegant. And wearing heels. Maybe sort of beige? There's a lot of that around right now. I only have black at the moment.

confidence sounds like the key. If I can feel ok that I've got something suitable and feel good in it, that will go a long way I think. I'm going alone, which is part of the trouble - much easier if you have some company!!