Right, I'm saying it. I'm fat. Now what the dickens do I wear?

[nocluenoclueatall]

I need help. Badly. It's over three years since I first got pregnant and the damage from pregnancy and labour (don't ask - lets just say I don't run any marathons any more and leave it at that), breastfeeding, comfort eating and generally not getting out much and I'm two and a half stones heavier than I was. I've gone from a 10 to a 16 - and a pear shape at that. I can't even claim I'm "curvy" . My self esteem is on the floor, but to make things worse I have no idea what to wear any more.

Oh S&B mavens, what should I buy? I'm only 40 and I like classic vintagey style clobber... most of which only looks good on a waif.

Help!

I'm hopeless so hope somebody better will be along soon but one thing I would say is that I think you have to be more aware of your own shape and style more when you are larger.

I am fat (much bigger than you) and prefer a fairly classic style of dressing but I have discovered through experience that, despite being large, I need clothes with a bit of shape to them so stuff that Dawn French looked great in which hung beautifully on her made me look enormous.

I don't have any great ideas other than keep trying.

I just wanted to say that I love that you say you are "only 40". That's such a refreshing thing to hear! Sorry, I can't help you. I used to be a size 18 and wore nothing but shapeless t-shirts and jeans.

It's easy to lose your way after pregnancy
A 16 is far from the end of the world, although I know it can seem it as though it is.
There are masses of fab beautiful size 20 - 30 women who dress well and are happy.
I think it has to do with accepting the situation you are in or the size you are now whilst making the best of it at the time. Once you feel a little happier and in control you can start to lose the weight or enjoy where you are now.
Try to make the best of yourself at each stage, honestly

It's one of those unfortunate things that although you feel like wearing baggy things to hide your shape, that just makes you look fatter. Viperidae is right; you need to wear clothes with shape to them. How are your legs? Tunics with leggings always seem to be a good bet. Or anything 50s style for dressier occasions. How about a personal shopper at a department store? Or a friend with an eye for fashion for a less intimidating experience? I recently did that for a (non-fashion/shape savvy) friend and she thought it was great (then she got pregnant, so limited effectiveness for now!!).

Definitely wear "nice" clothes as opposed to dressing down. People are amazed when fat girls look good because they are in great clothes. I find a couple of designers I like and stick to them. My hour glass, size 16 friend for example swears by Karen Millen and she kind of finds her style by default. Can just as easily be Boden or Desigual or something just find one you like.
Dresses are good and tight on one half loose on the other half is a good rule.

Your a 16, that means you can buy clothes almost everywhere! The world is your oyster :) . Asos has some gorgeous stuff, lots of lovely day dresses and skirts. You can still buy whatever you used to like/wear though!
Try upping your self esteem by doing something new and fun that is not to do with way you look. There is nothing wrong with ya!

Thanks all. I've been in tunics and leggings or (whisper it. black jeggngs) since the birth of DS and I'm only just twigging that it's making me look even fatter than I really am. My legs have never been my strong point, but now they're really rather chunky.

No boobs to speak of, so dresses often don't fit well either, otherwise I'd happily rock the 50's hourglass look. Im a bit of a triangle.

Living in ill fitting jeans and smocky tops at the moment. I look like such a frump.

Prior to having children it was all skinny jeans and stripy tops. They are my friends no longer

Thanks for you kind message krumbum but unfortunately there is. I'm being treated for eating disorders which have been triggered off again by recent recurrent miscarriages. I feel at war with my body most of the time.

That's why I so want to do something to make myself feel better. I literally shudder when I catch my reflection these days. I was hoping a jazzy scarf or a well cut pair of jeans would just lift me out of the gloom a bit. Probably sounds a bit flippant, but I would kill to have just one outfit that felt like it was "me" if you know what I mean....

I have been up to a size 16 in the last 12 months and am now back down to a 14 and hoping to be a 10 before next February. I hate buying cothes that are size 16 because at 5'3" I just look like a blob at that size. a bit of shape does help and I found that sweater dresses with an M&S control slip underneath just to smooth the line looked OK also the jersey dresses at Brora. They come in various shapes and prints and they look good as the patterns cover the bumps. They are very generously sized so will last you as you slim down a bit, wash and ( not recommended but they do) tumble dry and you can flog them on ebay when you have finsihed with them for a good price.

I have been so many different sizes and am currently 38 weeks pregs and huge :-( anyway gap is your friend. Get some long and lean jeans and some curvy jeans from there or try not your daughters jeans from johnlewis. They are pricey though. nice tunic tops, wrap tops too

Get a decent bra (bravissimo) and I second getting a haircut. Always wear accessories and you will always feel better!!

I am also a post baby 16 and pretty down about myself but went for a personal shopper session at John Lewis and thought it was excellent. I bought a pair of oasis cropped trousers that I would never have normally tried on, some Levi curve jeans and a couple of tops. She was really good at trying me in different things but most of the things she tried on me I really liked which is very different to my usual shopping experience. Would recommend it.

I'm a 16 and I generally wear slightly A-line skirts on or just below the knee with t-shirts or long sleeved tops that fit (ie tight as possible without causing any bulges). Add vest/cardi/leggings/tight according to weather. Patterned White Stuff skirts, denim skirts, navy linen for work. I look better in this sort of outfit than any trousers but I do have Gap Curvy jeans and White Stuff jeans (had to go up a size to 18 for those) for cold countryside walks.

Also discovered dresses that fit at Monsoon and Kew in the last couple of years.

I wear more colour than I used to when not so fat, and pattern that covers up bumps, which is something I didn't realise for a long time but is better than glum black.

Levi's jeans are definitely worth the extra money, and their various different curves flatter most shapes.

Thank you all for your replies. I take what you're saying about the bras (I literally own two that fit at the moment. Both nice Calvin Klien ones from TK Maxx but they're quite likely the wrong size. Jeans too... because I didn't want to spend any money (or try any on) I bought my last pair at M&S. Looked great - until I washed them. Will go for GAP next time.

andersnatch - I adore that first dress. In fact, despite the fact that I already own no less than three black polka dot frocks (in a range of sizes, natch) I'm going to get that one. Hope you can take the netty bit off... looks like you can.

I think the main problem is that I can't bare to shop / spend any money at the moment. In my brain, this figure is temporary. Unfortunately, the scales keep going up. I can still remember being shocked when I hit 10 stone. 10 stone! Imagine. I'd kill for that now not least because it would move me from Iran to Sweden on the global fat scale

Any other good frocks or jeans recommendations, send 'em my way...

Im a 16 and most people compliment me on my 'dress' ...I dont have loads of money but peacocks do some fab jeans called 24/7 theyre about £14 and great for slimming chunky legs ...I wear slightly longer tops (not smock tops) and always funky jewellry and a scarf (i have spondylitis).

yes charity shops are fab but be warned check for alterations as sometimes you see a pair of size 16 trousers that look teeny check the waistband and theyve been tailored.