Please help me transform myself...For those who like a real challenge!

[Jinsei]

Well, what can I say?! I look an absolute sight - overweight, ungroomed and completely lacking in any kind of style. I thought I had given up on my appearance long ago, but it seems that I still have a shred of vanity remaining, as I'm desperate to change the way I look before I hit a big birthday next year. So please help me - I need all the advice and wisdom I can get.

Now for the issues. Well, where to start?

Firstly, I am seriously overweight and dreadfully unfit, but I'm taking action on that and making good progress so far. Might not hit my goal weight in time for the big birthday, but I know if I try, I can get pretty damn close.

Next, my hair. Oh my hair! Grey, frizzy and no real style, despite regular cuts. One problem is that I never learned how to style it properly, so just leave it to dry naturally in whatever shape it falls.

Skin is not too bad - dry in places, a bit mottled in others. Not too many wrinkles yet but who knows what will happen when I lose the fat. Hands and nails are a mess, feet even worse. Hair removal happens rarely and I'm recently sprouting a worrying amount of facial hair. Wear an ancient pair of specs that probably don't suit me, and make-up routine hasn't changed for years (bit of foundation, bit of lipstick and maybe some blusher and powder, all unskilfully applied). I rarely get enough sleep and often have dark shadows under my eyes.

And then there are my clothes - no style as I wear whatever fits. Often fit badly in any case, unironed, poorly cared for and probably badly accessorised as I really haven't a clue. Same basic look in work, at home and when I go out for the evening. I have no idea what suits me.

I have really poor self-esteem, and wish I hadn't got myself into this rut, but here I am. :( I'm sick of looking such a fright! Can anyone help me to transform the way I look over the next six months or so? Please? I am willing to work at it, and will accept all advice!

Find those princessy threads in S and B....they're all about maintenance and improvement

Come on over here.

Brilliant - just looked at the link, that's exactly what I need!

You sound a bit overwhelmed - why not choose one thing to start with? Maybe get a manicure, and make it a resolution to moisturise your hands and keep your nails nice for the next month? Then move on to the next thing? It will be hard to change everything at once, as it's hard to suddenly put loads of effort into your appearence if you have low self esteem to start with...

Spicandspan, you're right, I am overwhelmed. You may be right about trying to focus on one thing. I'm going to try and use the ideas in the other thread, but will maybe focus on adding one new habit each week. If I do the others, it'll be a bonus but I won't put myself under too much pressure...

Yes, make it a gradual thing. When I had an illness a few yrs ago I lost interest in looking after myself, and it was a gradual process feeling happy with my appearance again. Loosing weight was a big help, mainly cos it meant I needed new clothes which sort of forced me to evaluate hair, makeup etc.
If you are stuck with the clothes thing, do you ever see a 'look' you really like - in a shop window, or a magazine? Have a goal to aim for in mind, and then choose one thing to move you in that direction, and stick with it. You'll soon feel sooooo much better about yourself...

Not sure how much disposable income you have, but it's well worth going to a Personal Shopper somewhere like Debenhams for ideas - I have been for a "wardrobe update" as well as for a special occasion. Say you want a few well fitting things that you can mix and match - perhaps don't go too wild for now - aim for being a better version of yourself til you get used to wearing new things and looking after your appearance.

If you do something like that, make a day of it - go and have your hair done in the morning ask for something easy to maintain and dry and ask for tips on how to style neatly on a day to day basis. Get some Veet strips and wax the facial hair at home (just grit your teeth, it's over in seconds!), then have your brows done at the Benefit brow bar. Then go to a make-up counter, explain that you want to try out a new look, not intending to buy today, just want some ideas etc... Somewhere like Bare Escentuals will give you a (free) v natural look and their products even out an uneven skin tone, mottling etc, and they'll send you away with a chart of what they have used with no pressure to buy.

If you go to your clothes appointment looking and feeling "done", you will feel more positive about the whole experience and hopefully your self-esteem will take a boost. Arrange to meet some friends for coffee/wine afterwards and bask in the glow of their admiration for the new you.

I appreciate that you then have to do a bit of work to keep this up, but the instant results are a great incentive cos you know where you can get to and it's nice to be shown how good you can look when you thought all was lost!

In terms of new specs, try Asda - pretty cheap at 2 for £75 so you can change your look occasionally and some nice styles.

Good luck. X

greenfield, thank you so much for all the fab ideas! I love the idea of a personal shopper but might save this up for when I'm a bit closer to my goal weight - then I'll have a bit more money to spend. Love the idea of making a day of it as well! :)

Will check out bare escentuals, and look into the wax strips too.

Would you want to colour your hair? Probably best going to a hairdersser, grey hair is very porous, so 'grabs' colour more, but loses it quicker.
Or you could do a home colour? Maybe a semi-permenant until you are happy with the colour?
Then intensive conditioner that is suitable for coloured hair.

Hands/feet. Get a good moisturising hand cream and some footcream with Urea (Aldi sell one).
A footfile (use it dry) and scrub for your hands.
Cotton gloves and socks (Body Shop do gloves).
Use regularly and you'll see improvement.

As regards clothes, start with the basics-good fitting bra and pants (nude tone)

These are things you can do fairly instantly (well over a couple of weeks)

Would you consider contact lenses?
Have you got your ears pierced ( so much easier/daintier than clip ons)

Eyebrows shaped and dyed.
Eyelashes dyed -no worry about mascara.

Spray tan? (Home or salon)

If you go on QVC you can get 30 days money back garentee on everything
qvcuk.com or 0800504030.

So you could get a whole cleanse/tone/moisturise/treatment set to try.

They stock Decleor, Gatineau, Liz Earle, Elemis, Perricone, Philosophy and have some really good kits.
For hair they've got Phillip Kingsley, Ojon, Micheal DeCesare, HairFix, Frederic Fekkai, L'Occitane.

I don't shop for beauty products in High Street Shops, not because I'm lazy, I don't like the hard sell and I want to see the products being used and demonstrated.

It can be easier to see what needs changing in photos rather than in the mirror, so maybe take a few pics of your face, and full length. That way it's easier to say "maybe i could try straightening my hair/bold jewellery/knee or calf length skirts" etc.

If I'm in a changing room, dithering over whether something suits me, I take a full length pic on my camera phone in the mirror and it's much easier to decide.

If you change your makeup, best to start it now rather than nearer the big day, as you need time to practise it and get used to it. For example, using an eyebrow pencil for definition can really change your face - but it takes a while to get used to it, and to learn to apply quickly! I have big dark brows, so thought it utter nonsense, but a woman on the Benefit counter did it on me and it made a huge difference! I then tried it on my sister, who has ickle faint blonde brows, and she loved it too. Worth a try!

If you're not interested in fashion, then you could try having your colours done and basically having a 'uniform'? This is what my sis does, she only buys things in the colours she suits, her uniform is; well fitting dark jeans, bright fitted deep V-neck tops, and dark cardis and jackets with slim-fit arms. A friend of mine who's bigger has a different 'uniform' of boot-cut dark jeans, tunic tops, and long chunky bright coloured necklaces. It works for them, all the tops work with the bottoms, all they need to do each morning is pick any top, any jeans, and any jacket/cardi!

Re hair, my sister has frizz and swears by a straightening treatment she buys at Boots, costs about £25 I think?

Oh gawd, I'm just listing stuff my sister does.... To be fair, she always looks smart and well put together! whereas I dress like a magpie HTH!