40 year old ex-indie kid- what the hell do I wear??

[WottingerAndWottingerAreDead]

Really need some kind of wardrobe/fashion revamp please ladies!

In my head the only kind of look that works is still doc martens/ black tights/ flowery dress/ cardigan and crimped hair. Not sure really this is the most flattering for a 40 plus mother with 40 plus body to boot. But don't know how to update it, or really have a clue about what I would like? (I don't dress like this still, rather have cheapo jeans and top from Asda etc.. while I am on my quest for this 'ex indie kid new look'..)

I have alright light brown hair, 12-14 post baby body, 5 foot 3.

What shops should I go to, and what should I buy in them????

Any help VERY gratefully received!

Well I used to have that look in my early 20's when I was going to wedding present, blur,darling buds of may,pixies etc gigs but I sort of moved on from that.
I go for colours that suit me and shop in all different shops .I like some Boden,white stuff,warehouse,gap to name a few. Love fly footwear as its comfy with height. I like simple styles like denim skirts, white shirts,patterned tights,tunic tops dresses.
Just buy what you like if thats flowery dresses go for it !

I know the feeling! But, like Kerstina, I moved on from it (having teenage daughters has helped).

Things I tend to wear now (other than spending most of my life in work clothes) -

little black or grey jersey dresses with ballet shoes, ankle boots, wedges or knee high boots and with tops worn over/under depending on the weather/season

skinnies with heeled ankle boots and some kind of top (usually black or grey!)

tube maxi skirt with cami plus biker or leather jacket and heeled ankle boots or flat sandals

Items I find most useful generally -

• denim and biker jackets
• tube maxi
• jersey dresses
• heeled ankle boots
• plain scoop neck tshirts
• denim shirts worn open over a cami
• 'quirky' skirts, vaguely fifties style with daft patterns, worn with a cami, denim shirt or jacket and ballet flats or sandals in summer
• a range of scarves (these give me the 'flowery' bit I still sometimes like!)
• black tights (!) but also navy, grey, purple, lacy, heart print, seamed etc etc)

I find it much easier in Autumn/Winter.

Shops - anywhere from Hobbs to Topshop, with Warehouse, Urban Outfitters and Westwood Anglomania in between.

I fondly remember DM's and loud 60s or floral print shift dresses with some kind of patterned tights look. But are you sure about Darling buds of May Kerstina? Thought that was tv prog with Catherine zeta jones!

Nowadays I wear jersey dresses for work with bright cardis, so today navy white company dress, bright pink cardi and stupidly high navy peep toe heels. When I'm more casual I wear skinny jeans (including the coloured ones) and lots of breton tops. Also like vests or cami's with cardi. I love a good cardi, generally use these to add colour to my outfits and keep tops plainer. I also am a convert to wearing scarves as I think they finish off an outfit, or some bangles or necklace.
I like warehouse, fat face, esprit, H&M has been good this spring too, some boden basics (breton top, jersey dress) and gap.
Oh, but I have some DM boots for the winter (not the lace up kind, more feminine) which I wear with thick tights and dresses, or over skinnies. Also love Merrell boots for winter. Superga daps and ballet flats for warmer weather footwear.

ooo these are all great ideas thanks! I can -sort of- imagine myself in some of these outfits, also nice to hear that ex indie kids can successfully graduate to grown up lady land.

Near 40 ex indie kid here too. Not much to advise, but wanted to share a few thoughts. Although my body is still more or less the same shape and size as it was yesteryear, I have naturally approached this legendary late thirties clothing transition due to simply going off the style I once wore, with a mind to paying closer attention to what shapes and colours actually suit me, etc.

However, and this is a BIG however, I am really bemused by the oft quoted advice on the internet which states that a woman reaching 40 should jump from expressive indie kid to (wait for it) Net-a-frigging-porter. I wonder why, as we approach maturity, we are encouraged to spend inordinate amounts of money on clothing and accessories, and let's face it, so many of the suggestions are rather samey, ie the classic Parisienne with flats and trench look.
I admot that I like this uniform, truly I do, and I have even quite naturally gravitated towards it in recent years, but I do wonder why so many of us end up doing this, it is kind of like we are unconsciously 'conforming' in some way, becoming more sartorially conservative, perhaps in an effort to attain higher quality, better fitting garments that express our new found maturity (in a positive way).

But, there has to be some inbetween.
I also wondered if many women opt to buy extremely expensive items in an effort to fill the gap left by youth, a sort of transference which states 'We are not afraid or vulnerable about passing this stage in our lives, we have a Chanel bag!'
Of course, this is just a sweeping generalization, but I have encountered it a lot online (not mumsnet by the way) and I have this weird fear of succumbing to it, to really believing that a f&%ing Mulberry bag can replace my youthful insouciance, or losing a little of my true, experimental self to this conservative style of dressing.

Just thought it was worth thinking about. The transition from indie kid, which is kind of the very epitome of 'anti-fashion' and non conformity straight into Net a Porter's 'hey sod it, let's remortgage the house!!!' philosophy would seem utterly out of character and just a little bit ....odd.

That said: I like the suggestions already left here. I shall leave you now and have words with myself over this curious craving for fine leather bags...

Adomot/Admit !

I'm nearing 36 but was a true indie kid... but no more :)
My wardrobe staples now:

• Jersey dresses from French Connection (They do a variety of colours and patterns) with opaques, ballet pumps or low heel shoe boots, long sleeve T under or a cardigan over. In summer, I ditich the opaques and wear with low wedge sandals.
• Skinny Jeans worn with breton tops, printed T-shirts, shirts - I use belts and scarves and chunky necklaces or earrings to add interest. I wear with heeled ankle boots or ash mid wedge trainers or sandals when warm
• Denim skirt as an alternative to the skinny jeans

I tend to shop high st (on a budget) and go to Next, French Connection, Gap, Boden, Kew159, M&S Limited Collection, Monsoon, Topshop etc...

Toasted you raise some interesting points and I agree with you to a certain extent but I can only speak for myself when I say that although in my mind I felt really cool wearing indie kid clothes it was not that edgy or imaginative as we were all wearing the same thing! I used to wear ill fitting flowery dresses with baggy t shirts on top. I looked good because I was young but I really don't think it was that good a look !
I got a compliment last year from a mom who said they loved my style it really made my day
I love picking clothes out but I do not go for expensive brands or the latest trends just clothes that appeal and suit me. I would like my look to be described as 'arty' hope that does not sound pretentious though ?
I think we have never had so much choice of clothes with the internet and you can get really good discounts on good quality clothes if you sign up for email updates.
I could never afford full price Boden etc .Ebay fab too !
Yes think they were called Darling Buds( no May) Anyone remember them ?

Kerstina, I agree with you! It is a relief to have grown out of the old (and haphazard) indie style, and true, all our friends did it, and I guess it was far more about identity and whatnot than actual style. I don't know! But I think I'm a little nonplussed by what I've come across elsewhere on the web with regards to evolving style, and have been searching for this affordable (and ethical, even) middle ground which many (not on MN) have advised me does not exist. So basically I have been guided straight to NAP, Mulberry, Chanel, etc under the illusion that there is nothing of quality inbetween.

Perhaps those people just wanted an excuse to spend huge sums of cash...I'm not sure!

I ought to do a thread on this, to be honest.

In my head I'm still an indie kid (and I remember the Darling Buds Kerstina, they were welsh I think, well I know as my BF at the time was a MASSIVE fan and we used to stalk them round the country, but lets pretend we didn't eh?)

I still am partial to docs and dresses (though they are these now and not the originals www.jamesandjames.com/products/drmartens/dmjarabk.htm ) and this look only comes out at the weekend.

I've always dressed slightly off centre though, if you know what I mean. I'm by no means 'alternative' anymore though I think I definitely have my own style. I wear a lot of dresses and until this year hadn't worn trousers for about 20 years.

I must admit as I rapidly approach 40 (7 months to go!) I have had a few confidence crisis that I was mutton dressed as lamb, but then last week one of my colleagues said that she always loved how I dressed and I always looked really stylish, so now Im thinking 'ah sod it, im lamb dressed as mink'

I used to think that one day I would have to change, and I still sometimes think that maybe I should invest in some grown up shoes, but perhaps when I'm 50

(I must admit though Toasted I have been sucked into buying much more expensive stuff than I would have ever dreamed of even 10 years ago and I do love a nice handbag)

I fail to see a problem- the look you describe is has now gone full circle and is bang on trend

I know what you mean Squitch I am 42 and still an indie kid at heart, I was appalled the other day when I saw Ramones T shirts in Primark, but on the other hand I nearly bought one! I also worried about being a bit mutton. I even asked my friend ( after a few too many) if she thought I dressed too young for my age. She told me she loved the way I dress as I have my own style and was far from mutton.This was so nice and gave me the confidence to wear what I want.
I do wear skinnies, bretons and the mumsnet scarf but this is quite unusual in these parts to be honest. I think I have toned down my look but in a natural way without thinking about it. I would wear a flowery dress with opaques but replace the docs with ballet shoes or ankle boots and a biker jacket. I still wear black leggings and boots and shirts ( alas not a Pixies t shirt) . I have lovely black skinny leather trousers from topshop which I wear with a long loose jumper from H & M during the day but dress them up at night with a sparkly top and heels.
I tend to wear simple separates, jeans, chinos, denim skirts, lots of vests, t shirts etc but my shoes/boots/ scarves etc might be a bit 'funky' ( hate that word but can't think of another, cool maybe?) so I still have an edge and personality.
I like Topshop, H & M, River Island, yes I know, all 'young' shops but I think its how you wear it. You don't have to give up your identity because you are 40!
I must admit I have been seen mooching round the handbags in House of Fraser but I think that is middle age creeping in...

tethers and katy - you're right. This look is current and nothing wrong with wearing it is you're older and you like it. Dig those DMs out OP!

I feel wearing Ramones t-shirts should be only allowed if you can actually hum a few bars of Blitzkrieg Bop!

I remember the Darling Buds' 'burst' being played at the Camden Palace of a tues night, no sleep and school the next day... haha How ridiculous that I STILL have school the next day with 6 months to go until 40 (eek). I was a Ned's atomic dustbin fan however, although looking back now I have NO idea why hehe

Anyway, I find that I still like 'playing' with my clothes - I no longer dye them or sew flowery bits on (or, er, paint nuclear signs on my DMs, or even HAVE dms) but I DO enjoy buying second hand and changing the buttons, taking a bit off here a there, sewing a bit on... making some gorgeous fabric into a scarf, that kind of thing. That sort of satisfies my creative/non-standard urge I think?

I like dresses too, and I still like flowery tops and things, I think you should always honour creative part of yourself :) I'm always being asked where I got something, so something must be right....

I still have two pairs of DMs. I am 47.

I think there is something about ex indie kids. They didn't conform in the 80's and 90's and dont conform completely now.

Having lost my way during the baby years, I had a midlife indie rebellion and purchased these and feel unbelievably more 'me'. Like Katykoo says they undermine the conformity of most (but not all) of my wardrobe.

All Saints provide me with a little goth/indie fix now and again.

Enjoyed your post Toasted Teacakes. I don't have to wear a uniform at work and much as I admire Mary Portas look on Mary P that is her look not mine. Where is the middle ground, surely there's an alternative, alternative to Fat Face.

For the school run, second one down.

Yes ! Katykoo I think you are right! Are we still all lefties too ? Don't want to turn this thread into a politics thread but I am leaning towards the Greens lately as even Red Ed is not left enough.
We should have our own private ex indie pop quiche to rival the introverts one although I think being an introvert and loving the smiths is what started my indie kid phase in the first place

Red Ed will do for me:)

It's always interesting to notice older women when you're out and about too: whenever I've done this it seems that there are no particular rules to even follow. So many older women are simply doing what the hell they want (both in term sof hair length and style), and more power to them. We probably just 'know' the things to avoid though, intuitively....one hopes!

Actually, Tony Benn for president

Hi, I'm not an ex-indie kid, but definitely ex-alternative.

After being into 'alternative' fashion until about late 20's then ended up in sort of 'next' casual mum attire, which wasn't really 'me' tbh.

Have found myself inspired by the style of <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=whowhatwear.com/website/admin/uploads/sp-charlotte-gainsbourg.jpg&imgrefurl=www.whowhatwear.com/website/full-article/style-spotlight-charlotte-gainsbourg/&h=622&w=628&sz=500&tbnid=_K_krEtHT-EdpM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=91&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dcharlotte%2Bgainsbourg%2Bstyle%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=charlotte+gainsbourg+style&docid=dHmVav7sQwRd-M&hl=en&sa=X&ei=MzW1T8LjHo2E-waWhKiADg&sqi=2&ved=0CGUQ9QEwAA&dur=1860" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Charlotte Gainsbourg (and her mum Jane Birkin too) and definitely feel a bit more stylish. Slightly edgy, but classy & stylish.

SparkyTGD - Charlotte indeed! I adore her style, and her work. A perfect example.

I just wear more expensive designer versions of the stuff I have always worn.

It looks ok because the majority of teenagers can't afford the designers!

Bugger that .... I'm 36 . I take my dds with me and buy whatever they say I dont look stupid in . ...along with a few designer "gifts" from dh I look brilliant .

I don't mean in a Sam brick kind of way ( I'm ok facially ) . I just dress nice.

Apart from shoes ....never quite know what to do with my feet .