please help me stop looking ropey!!!

[madmomma]

Please help

I've just had two babies very close together, and a long, shitty bout of depression.
My appearance has taken a beating and I don't know where to start in order to stop the rot.
It's like everything's just slid and now I look half as good as I did 3 years ago.
I've got some nice products (somewhere,I think) but I struggle to be consistent in caring for myself and sometimes I'm so tired by the end of the day that I fall into bed without doing a proper skincare routine.
I think maybe I need to start small. I'm sick of neglecting myself and feeling old. Any ideas on how to kick start myself? Thanks

Time for a face mask? No me neither! I was told the other day I looked well after discovering Estée Lauder daywear bb cream. (Like a tinted moisturiser but brightening, light, SPF ) I also use a bobbi brown cream blusher. Takes a couple of mins but I look like I have had sleep! Roc is my lazy choice to remove and tone in one or wipes if really pushed for time. Hope something here helps and sorry to hear you have had a hard time.

Of course you are feeling neglected and not how you were pre-babies - you've been through a lot recently!

Why not start with a new haircut or style - an instant change and update - and a bit of time to yourself in the hairdressers' chair. After that, if budget allows, a facial to remind you of how your skin really can look and feel again. Also, are you wearing a good bra ie properly fitted, as this can make a big difference to how you look and feel? Maybe some new underwear as well? Some earrings or a piece of jewellery or scarf - just little things to make a difference?

Good idea to start small and I'm sure you'll be where you want to be in no time but don't be too hard on yourself on the way!

I agree with Maggie that a new bra and a haircut is a great start!

I found alpha h liquid gold and a good skin cream/ eye cream made a difference.

Definately, new bra and haircut too.

Agree cleansing wipes are great to cleanse face before bed when you really can't be bothered.

I'd start by booking a haircut (and colour/highlights) and wax of lip & brows, maybe an eyelash tint too. Then have a good shower/bath and scrub yourself silly, use a good moisturiser, then that night do a fake tan or start using a gradual tint moisturiser.

Wear a little make up every day too - tinted moisturiser/bb cream, concealer under eyes & around nose. Little mascara, poss a bit of eyeliner, tinted lip balm too.

Only wear clothes that fit, match and suit you.

Aw thanks guys. I think a facial is called for, definitely. I need extractions I think. I've got that dodgy brown pigmentation from pregnancy too - it's only faint but it's there. My hair's ok actually, due mainly to the fact that my close friend is a fab hairdresser. I feel too insecure to change it - it's long and feminine and I need all the femininity I can get at the moment! Having said that I am considering a perm though to give it some texture as it's very fine and floppy.

I absolutely need new underwear, and the really really horrible elephant in the room is that I need to exercise and possibly even diet as I am v flabby and physically uncomfortable :(

Ooh yes srubbing myself silly sounds like just what I need. Can anyone recommend a good foolproof gradual tan? I am white as a sheet and so, so wish sunbeds didn't cause cancer cos I bloody love them

It sounded like you meant you have had 2dcs in 3 years. That's huge! Give yourself time to recover. I am trying to get less flabby (you can't be bigger than me!) How about walking or making a small diet difference? I'm sure you will soon be back to feeling like a knockout!

MadMomma I was you 18 months ago and it was just horrible, I had totally lost myself.

My advice is to keep it simple, little steps at a time. Better to make little changes that you can stick to and build on in time than to make big changes that fall by the wayside.

How I got started:

Drink more water, start with a glass by the bed and drink it when you first wake up, more through the day. I used to have mine in bottles so one was always to hand. I think this made more of a difference to my skin than any products I bought did.

Buy some cleansing wipes and a good moisturiser, keep them by the bed if you think you'll forget to use them otherwise.

If you still have some knocking around from the babies, Johnsons Top to Toe wash makes a really good face wash, its pH neutral, hypoallergenic and really mild so suitable for most skin types.

This from Estee Lauder is amazing. it made me look human again and like I'd had some sleep even when I hadn't, its pricey for me but was more than worth it.

Keep a small make up bag and keep just the very basics in it. A good foundation, a blusher and a lip colour/gloss etc. You can do the basics then each morning and look good. Save the more faffy stuff for when you are more in the swing of it.

Thanks wolfiefan that's very kind. Yeah there's 14m between them and the youngest is 4m, but I was flabby to begin with, and you know when bits that didn't used to be flabby suddenly start wobbling, even though your weight hasn't changed? It's vile. Maybe I could start doing an exercise dvd one evening a week. I should be able to manage that I reckon. Babysteps.

I had my dc 17 months apart and I know the toll it takes.
Yes to a hair cut and some new undies.
Simple skin care range is good and affordable. I keep a packet of facial wipes by my bed, along with my night moisturiser, for the nights I fall into bed exhausted!
Try and get a good nights sleep.
Eat well and drink plenty of water.
Wear clothes that make you feel good

Yeah, I had just under 16 months between mine and it was really hard, we just went in to survival mode!

I'm in a similarish positon. Last few weeks of pregnancy (so like a whale!) and with a 2yr old. I feel so frumpy.
I just bought a new mosturiser and garnier bb cream which I love and easy pick me ups when I have no time, got an exfoliating wash for am and pm and just popped to mac for a couple of new bits of make up...they are really good for a make over...it costs 20/25 pounds but you redeem that against products. It might give you some pointers.
Because pregnancy size is an issue I just bought some accessories...a gorgeous bright scarf which has really perked me up, some sunglasses, a blazer and looking for a new bag. Might work for you too if your not feeling size/weight confident?

Might sound silly but I feel better if I paint my toe nails.

Having suffered with post natal depression I empathise!! It does get better and kids get easier. I promise.

Thanks girls, glad it's not just me being a wimp. I totally feel like I'm in 'survival mode' and have been for about a year really. I'm determined to get back on the horse though. I took the time to put make up on and do my hair today and it's cheered me up no end. Also I'm on a handcream campaign to sort out my old lady hands from all the handwashing. I agree about painted toenails being a pick me up. I used to always have lovely toenails and fingernails so I'm going to tackle that too.

On the weight/exercise side of things I feel quite limited really in terms of what I can change, but maybe I need to see it differently. I've never been on a diet because I am really afraid of then falling into a yoyo thing. I'm about 2 stones over my best weight and I'm wondering what the most realistic way of approaching it is really. My will power is fine with savoury foods but awful with sweet ones. Weightwatchers? Or do they make you yoyo/get dependant on dieting?

I've lost 4.5 stone over the last 18 months with Slimming World, its been hard work at times but really worth it. There is nothing faddy about it and if you make the commitment to change your eating habits to healthier habits then there is no reason why it would lead to a yo-yo situation. I still have chocolate everyday, I couldn't function without

I started SW when my youngest was 5 months and my eldest was 20 months and I was still bfeeding the youngest. It was hard at first to get out of the habit of just eating whatever I could grab, ie crisps and chocolate and toast.

Once the DC were a little older and I had finished bfeeding I was more free to go out in the evening and I started swimming. I also decided to walk rather than drive whenever I could.

Basically though, the biggest change I made was deciding to start prioritising myself more.

I had to take the time to go to a SW meeting each week, I needed to take the time to make myself a decent lunch, I needed to take the time to brush my hair and put my foundation on, even if that meant the toddler had to wait 5 more minutes for my attention.
I'd spent the previous 2 years being pregnant, then bfeeding, then pregnant and bfeeding and then bfeeding. My body was falling apart, I was miserable, fat and spotty. I hated going out and was really at a low point, I just had to start putting myself first occasionally. I felt selfish doing it but we've all benefited from it in the end.
Sorry, that turned into a bit of an essay!

Just focus on what you want to change! I new haircut and colour makes a big difference - maybe get highlights for a more youthful and vibrant look or go darker for a bigger change. Get eyelash extensions - they make a huge difference! Last around a month, they open the eye make you look younger and more awake! Start using a tinted moisturiser for a glow. Slowly change your eating habits to healthier ones but always treat yourself. Maybe go for a massage or a spray tan if thats your thing. Most of all change your wardrobe to smarter clothes, throw out ugly clothes so you don't have the option of looking beat up. Get your teeth bleached so you'll want to smile a whole lot more. Little things go a long way.

Eyelash extension can pull your own lashes out - be warned! They're gorgeous and addictive but I had a terrible experience with the last lot, so resolved not to do it again.

How about some dry shampoo. The Bastise XXL is amazingly for upping the volume on flat, limp hair.

Also, a shellac manicure will last couple of weeks and give you super shiney nails.

newandhopefullyimproved well done on your weight loss!! Can I ask what dress size you've got down to? and if you are still going to a weekly meeting? SW is red and green days isn't it? Are there free foods that you can eat as much as you like of? Sorry for all the q's. You're so right about the prioritising yourself thing. I've learned the hard way that no one will encourage you or enable you to make time for yourself unless you insist on it.
romymadison a massage is a brilliant idea - I've just found a local massage school and I'm definitely going to treat myself. After all the hideous aches and pains of 2 pregnancies I really feel I need all the knots pummelling out of me. DH will probably moan at the cost as we're skint at the moment, but oh well.

I have been using rapidlash as my lashes were very short and sparse and now they are GORGEOUS! Makes me feel better although I always use mascara as I am very fair.

I am a big fan of blusher / bronzer to give the illusion of a healthy glow, even when you feel like pants.

Be kind to yourself. I had 2 kids 2 years apart, then another 18 months later and felt as though I had been run over by a train. It does get (much, much) easier.

Ooh my lashes are really shit and always have been sybilfaulty. Where do you get that stuff from?

madmomma I am lurking to pick up tips as I look rubbish due to continued ill health and I am hoping that making the effort with my appearance may help with how I'm feeling.

I have just seen the rapid lash on amazon. There also seem to be some budget options so I might give them a try first.

so far I have lost weight, swapped glasses for contacts, started reading this section on MN and as a result have done my first acid peel on my face and started using retinol cream to clear up my rubbish skin.

I think whatever you decide to go with, make sure it becomes part of your routine. I have previously been great at starting theses things but not persevering long enough to see results.