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Original poster

Sensitive advice re: hairdressers visit (long and pathetic)

15 replies

FeedingTheBirds · 03/05/2012 23:32

I have probably posted in the wrong place but I just know if I posted in AIBU or Relationships that I would get my head torn off and told I was wasting time/attention seeking, so here goes!

I have had crippling anxiety issues for over 20 years. I have a pretty good handle on the anxiety now, things are beginning to pick up. A part of my nervousness/anxiety habit was a terrible compulsion of twisting/pulling my hair when I was nervous/anxious. Not just a twiddly habit but to the point of huge knots in my hair that I would have to rip out or cut out. (I know how awful and disgusting that sounds).

I haven't hair pulled/twisted in about 3 months and so my hair is starting to grow again finally and I would like to go to the hairdresser and have a decent cut and some colour put through to liven up my haystack head, but, I am incredibly worried about how I tell the bouncy perfect looking 19 yo hairdresser that there are big gaps in my hair, big differences in length on the left and length on the right etc. etc. Any advice from fellow sufferers/hairdressers anything would be helpful. Thanks in advance. Very embarassed.

OP posts:

EllieorOllie · 03/05/2012 23:42

Hi
I have trichollomania which is under control these days, but I used to pull my hair out in clumps (as well as pulling out my eyelashes and plucking out my whole eyebrow, no idea why ). My hairdresser knows and has always been very matter of fact about it. I would be totally honest about it if I was you. I'm sure they will have seen it before! If it's that bad maybe you could get some extensions put in.

RubyFakeNails · 03/05/2012 23:49

My cousin has the same problem, I believe its called trichotillomania (?) but I know when she visits the hairdressers when tells them she has an illness which makes her hair fall out as she feels uncomfortable saying she pulls it out. It is a form of anxiety disorder and so you have every right to say you have an illness.

I would try to go to hairdressers that someone recommends as being friendly/ with a nice atmosphere as some salons are horrible and may make the experience worse for you. I'd mention that my hair had gaps etc due to illness on the phone an see the reaction or just get an opinions from them before you turn up. Also have you considered asking for one of the more senior stylists as they will be more experienced and will probably cope better and make you feel more comfortable.

But well done you, from what I know its very difficult to get this under control so you've obviously done amazing to get this far, don't be frightened of a few hairdressers. My cousin always recommends taking Sea Kelp to help with growing her hair and I and other friends have found it really works so can i suggest that for helping with your hair.

FairPhyllis · 04/05/2012 06:47

It's good that you are getting better. Could you look on the website - they often have pics of stylists - and see which stylists look a bit older, or go for a more senior grade of stylist? Then they are more likely to have seen this type of thing before - I agree that lots of hairdressers are likely to have seen it at some point in their career.

Remember you've been ill - it's not a moral failing.

DinahMoHum · 04/05/2012 06:54

i used to pull my hair out. TBH what id probably do in your position is phone a few hairdressers first and ask to speak to a senior hairdresser and tell them that youve had a problem where you did this and now its over and you want to sort your hair out and if you dont think they sound sensitive or understanding enough, then you dont have to go in face to face. wait till you find one you like. the attitude of.

DialsMavis · 04/05/2012 07:15

Hi, I work for a Trichotillomania support website. Every hairdresser I have asked has said that they have seen it all before and that they don't bat an eyelid (the disorder is quite common, but people rarely talk about it). You are doing amazingly well to be pull free. You could post on the forum section of Trichotillomania support UK (can't link as I am in my phone) and see if anyone can recommend a food hairdresser who is supportive. On the off chance that you are in the new forest, bournemouth or London, then I can recommend someone....

Selks · 04/05/2012 07:27

OP, I was in exactly the same situation as you. I just braved it out - went to the hairdressers and didn't bother explaining as I didn't want to. The hairdresser just said mm its a bit uneven when they were combing it and I just said yes and that was it.
You can explain or not, it's your choice.
And regular haircuts really help with giving up the habit. My hair looks great now.
Go for it!

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/05/2012 08:22

You can take brewers yeast to help it grow, I find holland and barrett the cheapest. You cant take it if you are allergic to penicillin though.

I also take solgar kelp tablets off amazon, much cheaper than holland and barretts because they are one a day not three.

valiumredhead · 04/05/2012 08:52

Would a mobile hairdresser be more comfortable for you? Do you know anyone in your local area?

mejon · 04/05/2012 14:42

A good haircut makes the world of difference. I find once mine gets a little bit too long the bare-er, shorter bits look far mor pronounced. I haven't had to say anything to anyone about my hair for many years. I go to a lovely salon now and my stylist has never mentioned it. Chances are that any hairdresser you choose will have seen it before and won't bat an eyelid. As Selks says, you can mention it if asked or not.

I'm going to investigate that sea kelp stuff as I'm also just getting regrowth around my hairline from where it fell out after having DD2 last year.

Original poster

FeedingTheBirds · 10/05/2012 00:16

Want to say thank you very much for all the responses. Haven't been able to come back to the thread until now, was very very embarassed and predictably (sp?) became very anxious after I had posted. Glad that I have now come back and read.

I am looking into a recommended mobile hairdresser and also have looked on the support website which a kind poster mentioned above.

Thanks very much to all.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 10/05/2012 08:21

Oh good OP, sorry you got anxious though x

Hope the mobile hairdresser works out - it's much easier to be relaxed in your own home that in a salon ime.

One thing you could say so you don't feel like you have to go into details is just that you have been very ill and your hair has suffered - you could even say that over the phone when you book the appt so she already knows. Hope it goes well :)

Selks · 10/05/2012 20:18

Glad to hear that you are feeling encouraged. Go on and book the mobile hairdresser. Honestly, it will be allright, it really will. You'll feel much better afterwards - voice of experience here. Go for it. x

NatashaBee · 10/05/2012 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wandawings · 10/05/2012 21:48

If you are in the Colchester area I could recommend a mobile hairdresser.

kbaby · 10/05/2012 22:53

My mum has alopecia and has lost all her hair framing her face. She still has fall head of hair but it's about three inches further back from her face as everyone else's. I know she too is anxious about the hairdressers. She took the plunge and went to one and explained what she had and since then as she always goes back to hem they have become used to it and don't pass comment. Having the same hairdresser has helped her gain confidence. Good luck with it and glad you found some support.

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