not being taken seriously - i think due to my appearance

[miche8]

i am getting fed up with the way people talk down to me the latest being an estate agent who clearly thinks i can't afford a house not only do i have to show him our mortgage agreement he also wants to see our bank statement showing our deposit, even though i have already instructed a solicitor and paid £200 and paid for a survey which hasn't taken place yet, the agent we are selling through says this is not normal. I've also had this in the past when buying a new car/van, tools for the business. I've also had the dentist assume i'm on benefits.

We run a building business and i'm a harassed mum of 3. i dress casually because i do a triple school run and work from home i also have a 2yr old so flat shoes are a must. I'm 33 but people usually guess my age at mid 20's and are shocked that i have an 9yr old. I'm a size 14 if that makes a difference.

I usually wear straight legged jeans with converse and have started wearing scarves which is attracting positive comments. I always use an across the body bag either a cath kidston or a boden silver leather one. my hair is cut into a short bob which i'm getting used too, it used to be long and always tied back and i wear natural looking makeup. From talking to dh (who is the same age but looks 10yrs older due to working outside) last night he agreed maybe it was because i always dress casual and look younger than i am, how am i meant to dress when meeting with estate agents and doing day to day errands and just to be taken a bit more seriously and not treated as a young mum.

Right. Well. Im no expert but where do you shop for a start ? where do you buy most of your clothes from ?

I would wear something other than converse too. Plenty of flat shoes that are comfy and look nice. Something like this ?

www.dune.co.uk/lottie-d-heart-detail-loafer-prodlottied10black/

A jacket can go over jeans and make an outfit look less casual like this one

This is quite nice..or a black one. www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=33057&storeId=12556&productId=4748591&langId=-1&sort_field=Relevance&categoryId=208526&parent_categoryId=203984&pageSize=20

i have jeans from levis curve, topshop, newlook and next. i have a few boden breton tees because they wash up well, couple of tops from river island and plain vest tops, few basic plain jumpers/cardigans from next. I do have a few pairs of boots either flat or with a small heel but they are always under jeans, i do have skinny jeans but they always go baggy after a couple of hours so rarely wear them. My coat is either a warm waterproof ski type jacket in black, or a grey bomber style jacket from espirit which is nicer than it sounds.

I am after a khaki parka and a leather jacket, i think i need new coats/jacket. What about my bag an across the body type, should i have a shoulder bag? i love my spotty cath kidston bag because its huge and i'm handsfree. Eye makeup doesn't suit me, makes me look very tired.

Personally i prefer a shoulder bag. A cross body bag is a bit mumsy for me.
Im not sure if im being that helpful i still dress like s student but then im only 24...
The t shirts sound ok though. :)

If you are 33 and are mistaken for mid-20's why would you want to change your image....do you really want to look your age?

Learn to ignore arseholes who talk down to you and adopt a more assertive approach and carry on looking young and dressing how you like.

I do agree with what wizard is saying but as i said im 24 and the same does happen to me , i look like a teenager and often feel i get treated as such. I had quite a few issues with my landlord and the plumber who refused to believe me about a problem with my flat and was very patronising towards me.
I can understand why you would want to dress a bit more "adult" ish and its a confidence thing too , dress a certain way you feel able to pull it off.

Not really a style and beauty answer but I think you should be able to wear what you like and still be taken seriously. I wonder if there is something you could do in terms of being more assertive which may achieve the result you are looking for.

Sorry x posts

I'm the same except I'm 27 but look about 18 so I have to make sure I dress like a proper adult on days where I have to meet strangers etc. I get it at work, I've been a manager since I was 23 and most of my staff was older than me so I had to work it out. I hate suits etc I just don't feel like me.

For work, have to meet people or what ever I wear straight leg or boot leg jeans in black or dark blue with a shirt or blouse and a jacket, either heels or ballet type flats depending in what trousers I'm wearing. I usually accessorise with a scarf and I have a Mulberry mitzy tote which can be shoulder or across the body but I hardly ever use it across the body as I do think they scream student.

From what you have said I would ditch the converse, buy some good fitting blazers/jackets, get rid of the ski type jacket in anything other than rain/snow and buy a nice coat instead.

As others have said be more assertive, I struggled at first and used my clothes as armour and faked it, now none of them mess with me even if they are old to be my parents.

Funny you should post this, but DH and I were talking about this very thing last night! He is in the building trade and making a good wage (please no jokes about what the building trade charge ) but because him and his friends wear working clothes rather than a suit they get talked down to and treated like they are thick - which I can mostly certainly say that DH and his other friends in the trade are not! It really is most annoying - there rant over Sorry no help with your clothes situation though!

Tbh I think it's a combination of the jacket (I'd rather be up a mountain/walking the dog and says "I'm so poor I only own one coat") and the converse - ugly shoe of students.

Please tell the estate agent to fuck off! It's absolutely none of their business!

Yes, you should be able to wear what you damn well like. BUT if it upsets you and you'd rather change your image, some good tips here.

Estate agent thing reminds me of buying our first flat. Then-dp (now dh) and I were 21 and 22 and estate agents initially barely looked up from their desks. Then we mentioned our deposit and their whole attitude changed - suddenly took us seriously. (This was back in ye olden days when loads of people went for 100% mortgages - I doubt £12k would get an estate agent's interest today, sadly.)

The Estate Agent is just doing his job, I used to work for an Estate Agent where it was company policy to check that all buyers had the funds in place. Stops people messing housesellers around. So don't be worried about that!

I would love to look younger! If you are comfortable and what you wear is practical, then what is the problem?

If you are 33 and mistaken for mid 20s then you should consider that to be a RESULT

Lizzie - it's fine for estate agents to check people have a mortgage offer in place but NOT to demand to see a bank statement. That is extremely nosey, rude and ill-mannered. Unless the agent hands over their bank statement for the client to read.

miche If it were me I'd take my dentistry, van-buying and estate agency business elsewhere.

I doubt it's got anything to do with your style, which sounds perfect and appropriate to me. I suspect it's more to do with ignorance, ill-manners and shoddy customer service.

But isn't requesting the bank statement just to show that they have the deposit?
You wouldn't believe how many chains collapse because people don't have mortgage/deposits in place. It is standard practice in lost of Estate Agents now.

Dont worry about it me and dh have this all the time. He had a man knock at the door and as him if his mum was in and we had been married 4 years and he just said no this is my mortgaged place and I live here with my wife!

I get it a lot as well but I love it tbh surely its a good thing as no one wants to look old!

The estate agent thing is not uncommon. I used to run a mortgage brokerage and we had several clients who had chains fall through due to buyers not being serious. Funnily enough in the majority of cases they were middle aged, single women who couldn't quite make up their minds whether to move. So I doubt it's that. Also dodgy estate agent tactics were pulled on a number of clients. No particular common characteristic. I used to love doing my best Kirstie Allsopp and sorting out the estate agents

So really. Don't worry about the estate agent business.

BUT wear what you like. Change if it will make you happier but only if it will. I have spent most of my life trying to look older for work. Now I suddenly look my age and I'm trying to halt the aging process!

I'm a bit the same, wear converse etc a lot, people always guess me younger (when not in smart work clothes) but I'm mid 30s. I think it might be the jacket - anything parka smacks of youth but if you like it you stick with it! I think I'd quite enjoy showing a healthy bank balance to that estate agent if I had one!!!

I know exactly what you mean as I get treated very differently in shops etc. when I have my workwear on (smart suits, dresses, hair groomed, make-up) to if I go into the same shops at weekend when I am wearing my jeans, converse etc. If I go in Harvey Nicks - they tend to look at me like I am a shoplifter

anything parka smacks of youth hmm... I have a parka and I am 49

Anyway - I think you should wear exactly what you want to wear.

I'm the same- always get asked for ID when I've got my hair scraped back, no make up, in scruffy mum clothes. I don't take it as a compliment as it only happens when I look rough.

Re shoes, I just bought some ankle boots from Fat Face with a tiny bit of a heel and a rounded pointy toe- they make such a difference- I spent all winter in knackered old clumpy rocket dog boots. I wear them with skinnies and a longer top.

I also had a long parka-style coat that I ditched after DH met me from the station one day and said he could spot me a mile off from my 'student coat'. I think I just haven't moved on, I still dress like I did at 18!

I'm the same- always get asked for ID when I've got my hair scraped back, no make up, in scruffy mum clothes. I don't take it as a compliment as it only happens when I look rough.

Re shoes, I just bought some ankle boots from Fat Face with a tiny bit of a heel and a rounded pointy toe- they make such a difference- I spent all winter in knackered old clumpy rocket dog boots. I wear them with skinnies and a longer top.

I also had a long parka-style coat that I ditched after DH met me from the station one day and said he could spot me a mile off from my 'student coat'. I think I just haven't moved on, I still dress like I did at 18!

I'm late twenties now but was always conscious of looking like a young mum too so tend to dress older. I wear suits for work, shift dresses and tights or skinnies and long smart tops for play which are actually more practical than they sound.

i have two good long coats, one mac fashion-type thing and a good quality dark wool one and I always wear small heels rather than flats unless absolutely necessary. Scarves are good too, yours sounds great.

I have also learned to stand very straight and look people right in the eye when I speak to them and get asked my age far less often than I used to as a result.