North African hair + Dark and Lovely relaxer = straight but fried tangled wispy mess! Argh!

[Mumtabulous]

I have done a very very stupid thing!

My hair is naturally medium-curly, coarse, thick and fairly long.
I got talked into trying a bit of Brazilian blow dry on my top layers last time I went to the hairdresser. I know this stuff works magic on most people but on my hair it looked silly because the top layers were then straight and the bottom still curly, and it had lost all the volume.

A friend of mine then suggested that I tried going to an Afro-Caribbean hairdresser to straighten the whole thing to make it uniform, without losing the volume, supposedly. The hairdresser used a relaxing cream called Dark and Lovely and left it on for about ten minutes. She then washed it and set it in curls and it looked reasonably like my old hair.

I washed it this morning and I was quite shocked!

My hair is literally now 3/4 split ends. It has really, really damaged it. I don't know whether it was the reaction with the brazilian blow dry or because she left it on too long or because it's not meant for my hair type, but it looks simply awful.

Does anyone know any quick fixes? Or do I need to cut it all off? I don't look good with short hair, so extensions perhaps?

Is it really that bad? Is it actual split/broken hair or is it just really dry and frizzly?

Either way it sounds like its been badly damaged, before rushing to the hairdresser and getting it chopped you could try some intensive conditioning on it.

It's really that bad on the top layers, I could get away with the bottom layers if they had a trim.

I think I will have to go to the hairdresser anyway.

Does anyone have experience with extensions?

Bless you! Chemical relaxers are the work of the devil. It's a good thing you've learned this after just one application; many of us apply this crap to our hair for decades, which causes damage right down to the hair shaft and takes years to heal.

Why don't you try natural Afro/ curly hair websites for advice - nappturality.com is one such site. My hairdresser would probably recommend a cut plus extensions - single plaits or twists rather than a weave. Also use lots of deep moisturising treatments on your hair - Aveda do a fabulous one for damaged hair. Expensive, but brilliant.

Apply avocado/ Argan oil (NOT Moroccan oil, as this is not the pure oil), use conditioner only for washes (the 'no poo', ie no shampoo method) as soap strips your hair of it's natural oils. Also, Oyin Handmade do an AWESOME Burnt Sugar hair pomade which smells like butterscotch biscuits. It is fab for hair and not too greasy. You can buy their stuff in the uk from a website called something like Nexra.

Hope that all helps!

Maya, thank you so much for the fantastic advice (great name by the way!) I had a good look at nappturality.com, highly recommended to anyone else out there with similar hair and very empowering!

I have always had problems with finding a good salon, it's neither 'white' enough nor 'black' enough, iyswim. I think a cut and extensions is the way to go. I know braiding/extensions are a pain to do because of the hours that they take but looking on the bright side, at least I can have a different hairstyle every month now! (and cut down on the bloody washing and blow drying)

I have always had problems with finding a good salon

Me too! I have probably been 3 times in the last 10 years and that was only to have it coloured. Ive turned my back on colouring it now as it just damages it too much.

Really hard to find a hairdresser that knows how to deal with curly hair.

I do it myself now, have trimmed a few straggly bits at the back but generally just take care of it with deep conditioning and only wash it with shampoo every 1-2 weeks as any more often makes it very dry.

Hope you get it sorted, Im going to look at that website too thanks Maya

Oh this is all too familiar. My mum is West African and my dad is Arabic so my hair texture and type is also that sort of curly and thick yet fragile kind. I tried the Yuko system and Dark and Lovely as a teenager and have had the same results as you.

I think Maya's advice is great and am also using an all natural no-poo shampoo right now which works great. I would start getting those ends trimmed monthly too is someone hasn't already mentioned it.

I have finally decided to never put products like this in my hair again and am keeping it as natural as possible. I don't even go to a salon ever now and trim my hair at home. I did a year of hairdressing so know how to do basic cuts on myself though.

Hopefully your hair will start to get back to normal soon.

this site is good too

LDNmummy which shampoo do you use?

Ive tried the no-poo thing where you 'wash' with conditioner but I didnt really like it would be interested to know which no-poo shampoo is good.