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Original poster

how can I help 19 yo dd

39 replies

hellsbells4 · 07/12/2011 21:41

Dd is 19, 5ft 3 and overweight (over 11 stone). Obviously the priority is for her to lose a couple of stone but meanwhile Iwould love to help her find some clothes that might suit her.

Every shop I suggest she dismisses as 'too old', and even if we get inside a clothes shop she just kind of freezes and can't even begin to look at garments. All she is comfortable in is leggings, boots and hoodies but she desperately wants some smarter casual stuff to wear for some Chrstmas events she has coming up. Any ideas please??

OP posts:
Jenda · 08/12/2011 18:59

The uggs and leggings trap is very difficult to get out of. But I am several stone heavier than her! Bonsoir is right, she is not hugely overweight, its a shame she can't work with what she's got. I feel for you both, and now understand a bit more where my mum was coming from :-)

You can tell her this from me. Get moving and get confident while she is still that small. I say this because i was about 11 stone at 16 and thought i was the fattest woman in the world, and do you know what? Looking back at photos now i was lovely! If she doesnt start looking after herself and getting fit she may get bigger and bigger and then she'll find it difficult to shop!

I second tea dresses, can easily be dressed up or down. Also long cardis instead of hoodies- still coverage but a bit less grungey.

She will get there!

talkingnonsense · 08/12/2011 19:04

I'm 5'4 and nearly 11 stone, apple shaped. If she loves uggs, do uggs, thick tights, short skirt ( mid thigh) and loose top- today mine is a big pink fleece. Cute and shows off good legs ( the uggs balance out the bulky jumper).

MamaGeekChic · 08/12/2011 19:29

She sounds very similar in shape to me, (although i'm 5'8/9 and size 14) I have big boobs, not much of a bum and slim legs- all of my problems are my stomach and my chubby face as I have no waist at all... I find that skinny fit Jeans/trousers with looser tops work well, i tend to wear darker colours on top and paler on bottom to balance out, I also wear tailored jackets eg blazers and mackintosh styles, often in neutral or bright colours to add some shape, I find that lots of fine layers work better than anything to bulky. I wear lots of short-ish dresses over opaque tights too. Great grooming (hair, skin, nails, clean ironed clothes, even nice underwear), accessories and makeup is the best way to boost her confidence. I find it easier to lose weight when i'm feeling better about how I look, bit of a catch 22.

HTH!

Original poster
hellsbells4 · 09/12/2011 11:29

Hi rudeawakening - we are in north west surrey. Anywhere near you? or a contact of your sil's?
Yes I could suggest My fitness pal - but that will still require huge will power on her part to sustain it won't it?
When she started work she was eating a weightwatcher ready meal at lunchtime (her main meal) then taking a salad for her lighter meal in the evening - but I've noticed she does neither now. She has a discount for the restaurant on site so has a (not very nutritious) meal there, then her shift finishes at 11pm so she'll come home and cook up a plate of pasta with a jar of tomatoey sauce - then got to bed about 1 or 2am. On days when her shift is 7am to 3pm she eats breakfast at work (fryup???) then pasta when she comes home. There's always salad in the fridge but she ignores it.
Its hard to find the balance between being interested and involved but not being seen to be nagging or critical.

OP posts:
Original poster
hellsbells4 · 09/12/2011 11:42

I've just re-read your post talking nonsense - and yes that is a good look that you describe. But dd's version of the top part is one of several university hoodies in dark colours (nothing pretty like a pink or pale blue) in massive sizes (cast offs from her 6ft brother!)! And, whilst I love the skirt and thick tights which i think are flattering, dd will sometimes then add a long black cardigan which really outlines her rear and spoils the effect of the skirt/legs look. She mostly wears so many layers that you can't actually identify any one piece of clothing - which I guess is her objective.
Anyway I'm now on the lookout for a top that is 'prettier' than a university hoody but not too girly, or too short, or too tight, or too 'look at me'ish'.

OP posts:
Original poster
hellsbells4 · 09/12/2011 11:52

Jenda - I've just re read your post too. And when I look back at photos of her one year ago, or two years ago, or whenever I think she looks fab compared to how she is now - and yet at the time I would think that that would be the worst she would ever be! So this is why I am really worrying now - because I know it could be an ever upward spiral for her. At 11 and a half stone now - by mid twenties she could be far, far heavier.

OP posts:
Jessicaalbastwin · 09/12/2011 11:55

Hi hellsbells4. I used the paul mckenna cd when I was trying to lose My baby weight, I lost nearly two stones and that was without excersising. The cd teaches you how to lose weight and stay slim. I don't need it anymore so if you would like it for your daughter let me know, and I can post it out to you.

kimimimi · 09/12/2011 13:50

Hi hellsbells4.
When your style evolve natural, is happen gradually. I would sey to keep the hoodie for the moment and maybe de UGGs too and replace the leggins with tights and dresses. She would look much better but still feeling like herself, and she need that. :)

Pootles2010 · 09/12/2011 14:06

Maybe you need to take over from your husband doing the shopping - having all that crap in the house will not help! I would try to stop mentioning it, but just make sure there's lots of nice healthy meals around, just to make it more convenient to eat well rather than crappy food.

I think it's all about getting her confidence up. Maybe book a spa day or something for the two of you?

zumm · 09/12/2011 14:58

Listen to Bonsoir - I think that jumper suggestion, and Italian idea, is excellent.

As for weight - I'd say just enjoy each others company. Maybe don't even attempt to deal with her weight or advise on clothes for, I'm sorry to say, that way can lie eating disorders ...far from becoming massively overweight in her 20s she may spiral down...

Original poster
hellsbells4 · 09/12/2011 15:45

Thanks again mumsnetters - you are all so kind to take the trouble to respond. And all of your suggestions are helpful.

I do need to take more charge of the shopping - much as I loathe doing it.
And the spa idea is good too. For the last few years for one of her birthday presents I have been treating her to a beauty treatment - eg a make up lesson or manicure or a hair restyle/colour.
I might check out the paul mckenna cd then keep it for a time when she asks again for help with weight loss.
Meanwhile I've got a better idea now of where to look for some nice clothes, thank you again mumsnetters.

OP posts:
Rudawakening · 09/12/2011 19:13

Hi hells no unfortunately not near me but I will ask my SIL and my sister lives near you so I will ask her to ask her friends for recommendations.

Original poster
hellsbells4 · 14/12/2011 11:31

a quick update - DD and I went clothes shopping yesterday and found three gorgeous tops! We found that tops with some kind of detailing on the shoulders really worked for her. And her confidence soared once she realised that there were garments that flattered her - so by the end of the day she was becoming bolder in what she was trying on. Now she can't wait for the next evening out with her friends!
She suddenly looks so much more glamorous and confident Smile

OP posts:
louloubellamozzarella · 14/12/2011 11:53

If you're looking for more stuff, definitely try ASOS. Free delivery and returns. Order a load of stuff she might want to try and then have a trying on session - you can send whatever doesn't work back for tree and they are really fast a processing returns.

If DD's legs are good maybe try one of those knitted tube skirts around everywhere at the moment, with a Christmassy fairisle pattern, thick black opaques and a loose black knitted jumper (maybe slouchy off the shoulder) with her uggs. I was 19 not too too long ago and remember feeling awkward and wanting to stick with what my friends were wearing - if she turns up to a night out/shopping trip looking too smart she'll stick out like a sore thumb which isn't going to help her confidence. I say best to stick with what she knows and gently encourage her to branch out with a few things, maybe:

Hope that helps!

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