Is this weird?

[blobtobetter]

This will probably be a bit of a ramble - just to warn you!

I was doing the "princess" thing from the thread on here. I was really dedicated for about 3 weeks and then people started to notice that I was looking better.

So I stopped.

That is crazy - right?

It is like I get positive attention and freak out and just sabotage myself completely. I will eat everything and anything when I am not hungry and I give up doing my hair and wearing make up. Then I end up in the same hideous and ungroomed state I was in to start with. All the weight goes back on. I think I just don't deserve to look and feel good. I don't understand why I seem to want to say as a fat monster when I could look far better. Not pretty or beautiful but a better version of me.

I have been in this cycle of making an effort then getting all stressed out by it and then giving up for years and I want to break out of it. I literally hate how I look so any sane person would be able to change the behaviour.

What is wrong with me?

Hi blobtobetter. Don't give up. Just try again, and again, until you get there. And I'm sure you will. Do you know Jillian Michaels at all? She does the fitness DVD Shred that gives great results in under 30 minutes a day. I love the way she motivates people with low self estemm on the US Biggest Loser. I have heard great things about her book here. Worth putting on a Christmas list?

Hi blobtobetter
I'm sorry to hear that you hate how you look. I am sure that you are a beautiful person, don't get hung up on looking like the models in mags etc. It's an unacheivable ideal anyway.
What I would say though is that maybe there's something else you may need to sort in yourself before you lose weight/'make more of an effort' (as you describe). When you make yourself look better on the outside but something still isn't right on the inside it can make you feel bad because you think acheiving that external goal will make everything better and when it doesn't you give up.
I hope I don't sound weird but what I'm trying to say is be easy on yourself and take time to think about what will make you happy. Looking fab is great, but not if it feels like so much effort.

it makes sense to me - I'm hopeless at getting compliments and hate attention. I'm also naturally very scruffy! I've no idea who to stop it though

where's the princess thread? I think I'd like to start as I'm about to become a WOHM after being a SAHM for the last 7 years

I am the same, I hate attention and compliments, maybe it's because I am a sahm, not sure. I get so much attention even when Im out with My daughter, and I really hate it to the point of feeling yukky.

It is so crazy that I just can't take control of myself!

I have a work party tomorrow and I am dreading it. I hate people looking at me as I feel huge. Plus I hate eating around people as I think they look at my and my size (16 top 16/18 bottom) and judge what I am eating.

I know why I am fat - I eat too much junk and don't exercise. I know how to lose weight - eat healthy foods and exercise. So why don't I do it!!!!

I have a couple of exercise DVDs and weighed myself today and I am the heaviest I have been. And now I want to eat chocolate.

Seriously starting to think that I am insane.

Not insane. Sometimes the more you try to understand these things the worse it gets.
It's just the joy of being a woman with a big butt (I am part of that club.)

Would love to lose some weight... but I have no willpower whatsoever and can't bear the sight of my own face.

i don't hate myself for it though, I just think it's a natural part of being a woman/getting older/being a mum/being a little bit mental.