How can I make myself look older?

[ThePetiteMummy]

This is not a stealth boast, but a genuine problem. I've always looked younger than my age, but just recently it's really started to bother me. I've just turned 30, but in the past week, 2 people have told me I look 18. Once was in a work situation, and once I informed the lady in question of my real age, her attitude towards me changed completely (started taking what I was saying more seriously!). The other was at a playgroup with dd, a lady there with her granddaughter said to me 'You look very young to be a mum'. When I told her I was 30, she almost passed out. When I was pregnant with dd, a man said to me that it looked immoral that I was pregnant, as I only look 12! (he actually knew I was older, but somehow didn't recognise that this was an offensive thing to say).

So can anyone put their finger on what makes someone look older or younger? I'm of very petite build, so I'm sure that's part of the problem. My hair's long (bra strap length), which I know might not be helping, but I work in a profession related to hair, so I'm reluctant to cut it short. For work I try to dress very smartly, smart dress/jacket, always heels, so I was particularly surprised by the comment when I was at work. Other times I tend to wear jeans and a plain t-shirt, with Converse trainers, so I appreciate this might not be doing me any favours. But I do have a toddler to run round after! I think I do decent make-up, but perhaps darker eyes or something would be better? I'm very pale, with mousy blonde hair with highlights.

What also concerns me is that I quite often have to attend work functions with my husband, who is 34, but looks it, if not older, and I worry what people must think when they see me.

I know it probably seems like I'm creating a problem out of nothing, and I know I'll appreciate looking young when I'm older (how many times have I heard that?). I don't mind not looking 30, but I just want to look like a grown-up!

Any advice much appreciated/views from others in a similar situation.

You could try getting them threaded. Not across the top though, just shaped into an arch. . That together with hair colour/ cut change might help.

the website is here to try on different hairstyles and makeup

Thanks Jimmy, my mum gets her eyebrows threaded, and they do look good, might give that a go.

Tethersend, I only work 2 days a week, so wear the same things in rotation quite a bit! I have a black sleeveless dress from Jigsaw, sometimes worn with matching jacket. In winter I wear it with coloured tights (dark brights, e.g.jade green, purple, dark pink). I also have a smart grey dress from Hobbs, with a nice cut out shaped neck line. Worn with either black tights, or leg coloured in summer. Always black pointy toe heels with these, LK Bennett ones. Alternatively I wear black trousers, with smart heeled boots, and a smart top, e.g.I have a jewel pink silky shirt.

To be honest, I'm not sure I can change much on the work wear front, but I could do with advice on my casual 'look'. Smarter tops to go with jeans, rather than t-shirts? Any suggested shops? What about alternative casual footwear?

To explain my situation in a bit more detail, my husband is a school housemaster, so a lot of the social stuff is with parents of pupils, so looking like a member of the 6th form isn't ideal!

Thanks for the website peas, will check that out.

What about going to a make up counter and getting a make over and make up lesson. You shouldn't need to pack on lots of extra make up to look older but maybe using a different shade of blusher and doing something different with your eye/ lip make up may give you a more formal or work do. So more tweaking your make up than lashing lots on.
I second the poster that implied it s about attitude - doesn't mean you ve suddenly got to be all bolshy all of a sudden but maybe try being polite but firm not apologising for your actions eg the ' I m sorry' when you walk into a room or walk by someone ( a work colleague of mine does this all the time and it s irritating) smile a little less but sincerely when you do. Even if you re in customer service people dont need to like you - they have to feel looked after, that their concerns queries are met in a professional way etc, but they don't have to be your 'friend' sometimes I find when I come across an over eager person like this it s difficult to take seriously. I m sorry if this reads harsh I sincerely don't mean it to. And if you are already doing all if this then disregard ! It s difficult not to be taken seriously!

Thank you Scootergal, some good advice there, it doesn't come across as harsh! I'd been thinking of doing the make-up counter thing, can anyone recommend a particular brand? I've got quite a bit of Bobbi Brown, but I can't say I was very impressed when they put some make-up on me once (I had to suggest things, rather than them coming up with what might suit me).

Wellies, a farmers jacket, Volvo and a Labrador? Just kidding...

I would buy more classic clothes in neutral colours. Nothing from Top Shop or Zara etc.

I think a short haircut would help also or at least shoulder length. It's quite rare to see very long hair on 'older' ladies and I tend to think 'young' if I see long hair straight away.

When I was your age and wore converse/jeans/scraped back hair I could pass for 18 and I'm tall. I think you need to smarten/mumsy it up if you're serious about this-I know it was ajoke but Boden style could work! Are you flat chested? That has always made me look younger-so padded bra if you are!

Nice quality ballet pumps work well on the feet too as alternative to converse.

How do you look in glasses? I always find I look even older when I wear mine. I'm not sure if you can get them made up with no prescription, but they would probably be really helpful for when you have to meet parents/are at work.

For the school/work situation, I would be actively trying to dress quite frumpily for my age. That way, even if people do think you very young, they may be less likely to assume you are frivolous. You might find dark tights better than the bright ones.

Do you wear your wear your wedding ring/engagement ring all the time? I would, plus an eternity ring if you have one, as that seems to imply you have been married a bit longer [I think].

Think about jewellery too - classical things would probably age you a bit more. Maybe heels are more youth-giving than flat shoes too - not sure.

Little sis has this problem. She's a teacher and had one of the other teachers trying to send her out to play at lunch time
Pictures I've seen of her working outfits include things like wrap dresses, shoes with a small heel and glasses rather than contact lenses. She doesn't look frumpy but professional and cheerful and I think the children like this too. She always wears a bit of make-up and has great hair (v. jealous of this).

Don't go too "mumsy", you won't feel like yourself any more.

Thanks for the replies ladies!

I do have 2 labradors Soooty! I think you're right about a classic style, although I've never really been trendy anyway! Can you recommend any nice ballet pumps? I find a lot are too low cut around the big toe joint, as mine is quite big on one foot (too many years in pointe shoes!). Also, what's a good neutral colour? I'm thinking black, but maybe that's unimaginative.

I wasn't entirely joking about Boden DefineMe (is that Family Guy?), I do like the style, but have never bought from them before. I was looking through their new brochure and thinking of ordering one or two things. I'm actually not flat chested, 32C, although a little, ahem, droopy after 14 months of breastfeeding! I'd never go braless though, and always try to wear a t-shirt bra type, with a defined shape.

You're probably right about glasses Pink, but I think I really would feel I was dressing up as someone else then! Thanks for other tips though. I always wear my engagement and wedding ring, but they're not exactly flashy. When I first got engaged, someone did ask me if it was really an engagement ring, and said that it didn't seem possible I was old enough! (wish I'd been quicker and said I'd got it out a cracker). When out with dd once in her pram, a cashier in the supermarket asked me if there was really a baby in there - I think I at least look too old for a dolly! I would say my jewellery is quite classic, all quite dainty silver stuff, but I do think I could accessorise better. Might think about that one. Anything chunky makes me look like a Borrower though!

Your poor sis Cardi, she must have been so embarrassed! Wrap dresses are a good idea, do you happen to know where she gets hers? I think I'd struggle to achieve 'mumsy', just 5 years or so would be fine!

I can't add anything that hasn't been suggested already but know how you feel. I have always looked younger and, like you, people always seemed to take me more seriously when they found out my age. Professionally in particular because people always assumed I had just started my career when I'd been doing it 10 years. This is really frustrating, I totally understand. And like you, I used to get really frustrated with people laughing off my frustration at looking young.

Now, though, I am 41 and even though I still don't look my age I feel like I'm too old to wear certain things and I am gutted about the fact, so try to not to jump too far ahead to over compensate as you may regret it later!

Tbh if someone can't tell the difference between somebody of 18 and 30 then that is their problem, if you are capable of the job then it shoudn't matter how old you are surely.

Sorry if you are looking for advice I would say work on your 'presence' as in walk into a place saying to yourself 'I am old enough, confident enough, capable of doing this job, why should anybody think differently'

Thank you so much HavingKittens, I really appreciate your reply. I'll try not to wish the years away!

With regard to your first post Marilyn, I totally agree, it shouldn't matter, but the fact is, would you listen to professional advice from an 18 year old in the same way as you would from a 30 year old? I know I wouldn't. As Kittens said, they assume a lack of experience. Having said all that, I generally find that once I start talking, most people change their attitude.

Thank you very much for the second post though Marilyn, that's great advice, and really what I need, thank you!

Hmm, I'll ask my sister but I think fairly normal UK high street shops - I don't think her work clothes are particularly expensive although I think it's more Top Shop and Gap rather than Peacocks/Primark type of thing.
I have a couple from Esprit (does that exist in the UK?) and also Boden which suits my young fogey style fine although I do avoid the really "I'm mad, me" prints.

When I have a difficult meeting coming up at work I always put my long hair up in a chignon/bun/clip, wear my glasses instead of contacts (I call it my Sarah Palin look ), lipstick and a jacket with some grown up jewellery.

Seems to do the trick.

I used to have this problem. However I have somehow aged quite a lot in the past year or so (I am 31) so you may find it goes away soon!

My tips:

1. Earrings. I seem to look about 5 years older, and more professional, if I am wearing earrings. I mean grown up ones like a single pearl rather than more "fun" ones like hoops, danglies etc.

2. Hair up. Ideally not tightly or in a ponytail but in a looser style (use one of those butterfly cip things).

3. Chunky necklaces. Delicate silver jewellery is v nice but it is also quite young-feeling IMO.

4. A proper leather handbag rather than any sort of messenger bag/satchel/fabric tote etc.

5. More accessories. The simpler the outfit the more teenagery it tends to look. So if you are wearing a dress, add patterned tights and a belt. if you are wearing T shirt and jeans, add a scarf, a necklace, etc.

Thanks for the replies today, I thought my thread had been buried!

Thanks CardiCorgi, I'd appreciate that, as the proportions of a wrap dress have to be right if you're small, otherwise they can be a bit low cut at the front! I like a couple of the Boden ones, and notice they do petite sizes, but would prefer cheaper alternatives, as don't have a big budget.

Thanks for sharing your meeting 'look' Mytholmroyd, that's useful!

Thanks Minipie for your very organised reply! (very me!). I do always carry a smart bag, but the other 4 points I could definitely implement. I'd never thought of the silver jewellery having a young feel, so thanks for your view on that, I might save that for outside work. I do have some fake pearl studs that I'd forgotten I had, so will get those out. Any tips on where's good for nice chunky necklaces?

I think you're right about the hair up thing, I think after so many years of having to wear it up for ballet, I enjoy the feeling of having it down, but perhaps I'd look a little smarter and 'done' with an up do. Could you clarify what you mean by a butterfly clip? Is this some nifty gadget I don't know about?!

On your last point, I'm definitely not good at accessorising. Any tips on how I can learn how to do this? I have plenty of 'basics', but can't seem to complete an outfit from there.

Many thanks again for the replies, I really appreciate it!

Someone posted about this blog the other day and there was a section that made me think of you. It might be worth a read...

www.insideoutstyleblog.com/2011/09/dressing-your-age-when-you-naturally-look-young.html

hello!

The kind of necklace I have in mind is like this,this, this or this. These are all Accessorize or Oliver Bonas. This one is Boden who have quite a few chunky necklaces.

Butterfly clip is one of those hinged clips that encloses your bun in a sort of cage. this kind of thing. Butterfly clips are just what I call them, no idea what the proper term is!

Accessorizing - I'm not great at it either to be honest! I am trying to get braver about adding things rather than sticking to the basics. Being petite (I am), it's really easy to look overwhelmed by lots of accessories so it's a bit of a minefield delicate balance...

Thank you so much Havingkittens, that's brilliant, it's nice to see examples of 'do' and 'don't' complete looks. There seems to be an overall theme that you need to spend a bit more on clothes to make yourself look more mature, but not so easy when only working part time post-dc! Best start saving my pennies! going to Starbucks less

Thanks for the links minipie, I particularly like the second necklace. They're not the sort of thing I would normally go for, but would definitely help to liven up some of my plain tops. I hadn't heard of Oliver Bonas, but the prices seem reasonable, and the quality looks good. I think they are called butterfly clips! Although my hair's long, I've recently had 6" chopped off (no one even noticed! I think it just went from very long to long!), so it should clip up more easily now. We do sound very similar!

It is easy to just stick with wearing what you always wear isn't it! Also, usually while I'm getting dressed, dd (18m) is rushing round the bedroom emptying drawers, so I tend not to spend much time carefully selecting an outfit!

I do have another idea, we're currently thinking about ttc dc2, so perhaps a pregnant bump is the accessory I need!

Oh, I think having a toddler and a baby will definitely add years to you!