Please give me a guide to fake tan for idiots

[Hopefully]

I need some colour for two weddings (one of which is my own. Urk!), but I haven't used fake tan for years. I know you need to exfoliate properly before starting, but any other tips? Also, should I go for one of those tanning body/face lotions rather than full on fake tan?

I have a bit of a farmer tan at the moment - brown arms, white shoulders - which I'm hoping will even out a bit with fake tan.

Or should I just splash out on a decent spray tan? I am terrified of ending up orange, but there is a v posh salon quite locally, suppose they might be ok?

Watching with interest

I personally like St Tropez mousse, use it all over, gives quite a natural colour.
The spray tans are a great idea but try one before your wedding. They can be quite orangey. There is also fake bake which some salons use it is very natural in that you may feel there's no difference but if you just want a glow it's quite nice. It really just picks up your own colour rather than painting you brown.

Fake bake sounds good - I'm honestly so scared of being orange!

I used to use st tropez, but I was generally browner back then, and I'm wondering whether it will be too dark now. I'm not ghost like by any means, but definitely a shade paler than I was back when I had time to sunbathe.

I think spray tans are a bit orange looking, I have had a couple and didnt like them.

I am new to appying fake tan myself though and dread it going wrong. However, a place near me does it - you go in and they exfoliate you and then massage in St Tropez lotion. I think I will do this instead of attemting it myself - I need to get some colour too before a wedding.

Fake bake DIY stuff is not good-I have just spent £20on it and have orange areas on my legs. Mind you, done professionally might be ok!!!!

Don't do it!!! I just saw a patchy orange girl on the street. And the next passer-by was a model type who had a bad, bad professional spray tan - evenly applied and not orange but a really unhealthy shade of fading yellow, something like Nicole Richie with Hepatitis A. Neither of them looked even remotely healthy or pretty. Much better to buy something that flatters your natural, pale skin tone (bright red does the trick for me - my natural skin tone is practically ivory white). Remember that your tan lines are a huge turn-on for many men, too (they are a national obsession in Brazil for example) :D

Oh gosh, don't want to look like that! Everyone keeps saying that a fake tan will make me 'glow' on the wedding day, but I was thinking more healthy than neon...

If you can find a salon that does Fantasy Tan try that. I had one a few years ago and it was very natural, not at all orange. Lasted over a week too. Think there is a number you can call on the link.

Why don't you try a wash on wash off one.
I use this garnier one really good and doens't leave a stain on your clothes.