I’m ^this^ close to buying slacks out of the Sunday supplements. Please defrump me.

[yellowvan]

I?m fed up of being utterly frumpy. I wear £9.50 elasticated waisted m&S trousers every day and for every occasion.
I have caught DHs utilitarian approach to clothing, ie nice clothes are an indulgence and a vanity, with the result that the whole family wears illfitting, cheap rubbish til it absolutely falls apart.
I?m 40, a sort of big 12/small 14, 5 ft 6, and a very saggy 34 F. I used to do the DMs, leggings and little dress thing in early 90s, but wouldn?t go near that now. I don?t like the early 40s ?uniform?, and I loathe accessories and make-up of any kind.
I hate how I look, and prob have more issues than mere wardrobe ones! But, help!

Not meant to be any ?s in there .(C&P issues)

stp away from the Sunday supplement
what shoes do you usually wear now?

Trainers, wellies or ive got some sort of mary jane style flatties (in heels i look like a dress-up-box toddler). No leather, as am veggie so shoes an issue also.

well you can't wear trainers or wellies unless you are gardening or walking the dog. Those are the rools.

On the 'saggy' 34 F it's not vanity but common sense to get a really well-fitting bra. Worth paying a bit more for if necessary because (like your hair) is the basis of your whole look.

I know, i know. I want a 'style' that I feel comfortable with, but I don't know where to start. I've never been able to do fashion, but now I just look like a disaster :(. What are the 'basics'?

A couple of pairs of nice fitting slim leg jeans would be a start. A good fitting bra and some v-neck tops. Not overly exciting but a step i nthe right direction.

What is a typical day like for you?

Do you need work clothes? Is there a dress code?

Is there anyone whose style you admire?

What are your best/worst features?

What is your colouring? And how do you have your hair?

Thank you. When I have bought jeans,(new look or m&S) I usually get a size too big/long cos they always shrink, so they are the right size for all of about a fortnight, before they mega-shrink to too small. where doesn't shrink?
Typical day usually involves a bike ride of some kind, and work clothes = stretchy trouser=practical and hard wearing. Style wise I really like Dr Zoe on casualty,(pencil skirt, silk blouse) but she is way way too groomed to copy, but she looks like a proper grown-up, and i like that :) Colouring is rosacea red (am taking antibs to try and calm it), and generic short brown hair. Thanks for help so far, am getting quite emotional/upset about this actually, so thanks for trying to help.

Well, if you're used to elasticated trousers, going straight into a pencil skirt might be too big a step, but something to work towards

I agree with the "get a good bra" brigade, and if your DH complains say it's good for your back. So it is utilitarian, and occassionally, utilitarian can also involve lace and what not.

For work, maybe get you to a shop (like John Lewis or something) where you can talk to someone who can get you into a nice pair of tailored trousers

What temperature do you wash on? Nothing of mine shrinks. I buy everywhere and anywhere. Wash everything on 40.

Get a good haircut.

Go to a Mac or Benefit counter and get a makeover and buy some decent foundation. Benefit do some stuff called LemonAid to put under foundation which is good if you have red cheeks, it calms the redness down.

Stretch trousers are fine for a bike ride but after your bike ride you ened to change.

Gap do nice jeans, some Next jeans are OK. Certainly don't find they shrink.

For work get some normal trousers - a black pair and a grey pair.

Something like the trousers here;

www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/tailoredlooks/10/3

Have a look round the office and see what other women are wearing - blouses, tops, etc and try and get something similar. Keep out of Marks and Spencers, there is nothing nice apart from underwear and food. Oh they do nice leggings actually.

John Lewis would be good for bra fitting. Do NOT got to M&S for bra fitting - they are crap.

And when you get a bra get fitted, even if its only in Marks and Spencers rather than Bravissimo. But with boobs that big if they're sagging you're setting yourself up for back/shoulder problems down the line. Never mind the fact your nipples will be lower than your naval before long.

Don't wear slacks!
My mother used to live in slacks.
I have a hatred of slacks.

Agree that jeans shouldn't shrink. Have you tried White stuff? - they do nice skirts.

Try this under a light foundation/tinted moisturiser. My sister, who has a very high colour, swears by it.

Definitely get a properly fitted bra. You will be amazed by the difference it makes.

I love New Look jeans and have never had a problem with shrinking. Are you putting them in a boil wash?

Debenhams have a really good personal shopping service with no pressure to buy. Gives you the chance to try out lots of different looks.

1st thing I was told to sort was my Bra and it really is true (went from 36d/dd to 34ff) it completely alters how you stand etc
Go to Bravissimo if you can by far the best fitters I have found (M&S dreadful the worst) and if you need to save then get one bra from there and then once your sure check online- and buy more later there are a number of sellers of new bras on ebay where you can get good makes such as Fantasie (sp) same price or less than M&S - It is worth having at least 3/4 good bras -eg 1/2 nude/1black/1 white.

Then sort those trousers out! -imho cheap trousers sag/lose shape really quickly - my DH is also v utilitarian (why dont jeans last 20years these days etc)
but have convinced him and myself (as had been so indoctrinated) that a good pair will last at least twice as long but am on slender means so usually only shop in sales/tkmaxx

it can be done.... am not the most stylish/shop aware but would for your size you should be looking more french connection/gap/boden?/tkmaxx .. hth

Viva- too late, they already are:(.
My washing shrinkage is a bit of a standing joke, I even shrink towels. i wash at 40, but do i need to ditch the tumble?
M&S is always my default setting, will try to avoid, and try gap, next etc. I like those next trousers, Viva, thanks

Oh, I can get to a debenhams next week, found. Do I have to book personal shopper or just turn up?

It might be worth giving them a ring. Tell them your size and what you need to dress for and they can have a good selection waiting for you when you get there.

Then, while you are trying the first lot on, they will do another sweep of the shop for more specific items.

I also like the trousers Viva linked to, but I am trying to hold out against the 'black-trousers-and-a-nice-blouse' myself. How about navy? Or camel/taupe for the summer?

Stop tumble drying, I find it shrinks stuff. I only tumble DH's stuff , towels, sheets and socks.

You know you say you used to do the DMs/leggings/flowery dress thing? But coulnd't now? I reckon you could do a variation of that - I do anyway (was also a 90s grunge kid ;) ) I actually find it v practical - I don't do DMs anymore, have more biker-y style boots, but actually works well with wellies for dog-walking!

How about these sandals?

Theyre too high, but i had forgotten all about the vege shoes website, so will take a proper look, thanks.

daimbardiva- leggings=maybe,(they are nothing if not practical!) and could def be persuaded by a pair of biker-style boots, but I'd be stuck for a top. Don't like the polyester tunic style dreeses with flowers on that are all round about, any suggestions for suitable non-polyester dress thats not too girly/young?