There was once an attractive woman who turned into a..

[Dommy]

I realise this is very narcisistic, but I felt I had to post about this, it's something that rears its ugly head increasingly these days and I think it's getting me down a bit.

I used to be attractive - I used to turn heads! These days I'm 2 stone over-weight and my face has suddenly really gone south, and it occured to me recently that the many wolf-whistles that irritated me in my youth would come as a pleasant change now and would acually make my day!

I've found losing this weight really hard now I've turned 40. I've successfully dieted and lost weight in the past losing 2.5 stone in 12 weeks no problem, now it seems to sit there and will not come off no matter how much salad I eat (probably a lot with cesar dressing all over it if i'm honest). I catch myself in shop windows and think who's that fat old bag and then realise it's me!

I know this is utterly self-indulgent and silly, but I find myself dreaming of finding 10k in a suitcase which I'd blow on surgery and a month at a health spa. Then the more spiritual side of me kicks in and I think, no you're OK, you're fine, you're just middle-aged and having a crisis. Just learn to love yourself love-handles and all. embrace the new you and enjoy life, but it doesnt' last long. OH never says I look nice anymore that's probably because I don't. It's becoming an issue and I feel like I need something to inspire me, get me back on track and out of this 'oh Lor I'm fat and old funk'.

Why don't you go to an exercise class once a week, it could help you lose weight and the endorphins make you feel good! :)

I can sympathise as I think its even harder to age when you are attractive when you are younger(big headed I know) and used to the compliments and attention which gradually stops
Personally though I have found as I have got older I look better with less makeup especially at night ! Did not recognise myself the other evening far to much makeup (glittery) and looked a right mess and even older! Lightening is all important and looking happy as you will look more attractive then.
Would never have surgery though. Yes exercise is a very good tip

I look at photos of me when I was younger and I really wish I had appreciated what I had - I was quite pretty with a lovely figure. I know exactly what you mean OP. It can be quite depressing, even my hair has got thinner, it used to be full and bouncy.

Weight and self esteem isn't narcissistic, or a vanity issue. It's about feeling in control of your own body, being strong and quite frankly having one less thing to worry about. You sound glum, so time to take charge and get yourself the way you want to be. I'm not suggesting you become a hardbody gym freak, or start aspiring to weird celebrity fakery but look at what you are and work out how to make the best of what you've got. I was going to put a smile in but it kind of makes my post look like I'm being a patronising t**t.

There's nothing vain or narcissistic about wanting to feel attractive but I think that when you age you do need to readjust your concept of attractive. With the best will in the world you aren't going to look 21 again but that doesn't mean unattractive.

Keep yourself fit is the best presecription I can think of.

OMG! 40 year old women are far sexier than younger women. Is an experience and wisdom thing.

Forget about losing weight if you feel you can't do it. Buy some clothes to flatter your figure as it is now.

Lack of wolf whistles from builders are nothing to worry about. I'll bet there's loads of men who think you're gorgeous.

Eat healthily, take care of your skin, find some flattering clothes (4 OD Gok Wan's shows, people slag him off but I think he's an inspiration), take up a new hobby and start smiling more often.

And tell/order your partner that he needs to compliment you. Men don't realise that you need to hear such things (I have female friends who always look surprised when I tell them they look lovely - clearly their partners forgot to mention it before they left the house that morning). Don't dress for him anyway, dress for yourself.

xxxx

I think you can still of course look attractive whatever your age.

It is harder to lose weight the older you get but it is achievable.

Perhaps keep a food diary for a few days and just see what you are eating and then re-evaluate your diet.

I know its trite and annoying but it is a matter of eating less and moving round more.

But to start with get your hair done if necessary, moisturise, exfoliate, put some make-up on - pop along to the Bobbi Brown counter and get them to do it for you.

I don't think its vain to want to make the best of yourself and past the age of 25 - I just couldn't rely on youthful dewiness

It does take more work to lose extra weight after 40, but it's doable.

However, starving/depriving/punishing yourself on salads is not the way. When you get to 40 you should look on good, nutritious food as an investment in your future health and happiness.

Ditch the salads and opt for healthy foods, moderate helpings, and some exercise built into each day. Have a bite of dessert every now and then. See if you can find a new cookbook that appeals to you, maybe one with heart health in mind.

You can do wonders by being conscious of your posture and keeping your hair as nice as possible, plus getting yourself done up at a makeup place will give you lots of pointers.

Thank you, you've all been really kind. If I straighten my hair I always feel better, but on holiday I don't bother to do it, then OH loads-up our hol pics and low - there's the bag lady. I think that it takes a little longer to achieve the effortless look when older. Mind you Rachel Welsh (remember her) said she was her own full-time occupation, in other words looking that fab took all day every day!

I'm obviously rebelling against effort of maintaining a sinking garden! That's the appeal of living in a croft in a remote Scottish island, (I alternate that fantasy with the surgery and health farm one) no more straightening irons or make-up, and a more wellyish relaxed attitude to life, or is that just my fantasy and they're all svelt and uber turned-out up there?