oh God , I'm middle-aged!

[Lovecat]

Today I caught sight of myself in the work loo mirror and didn't recognise me.

I was wearing an ankle length black skirt, flat black boots, a black polo neck and a dark grey thick knit waterfall cardigan, with a devorre velvet scarf knotted loosely around my neck in fetching shades of plum and burnt orange. I looked like I was channeling Germaine Greer, sans grey hair.

[Shock]

When the Hell did I get so frumpy and mumsy looking? And what, at size 14 and 45 in 5 months time, can I do about it? Or do I resign myself to frumpishness?

This morning I was in a rush (DH away for work, ) and realised that I hadn't done any work washing.for me. I slung on the first things clean I came to, and.it then occurred to me that I looked a bit like a Greek widow, so I slung on the scarf to cheer it up a bit. The cardi went on because our office is freezing.

So what do stylish over 40's wear without looking muttony yet avoiding Germaine-ness? Advice, please, because as you can tell, I'm clueless!

God know- never give in to it!
44 is young darling. I'd give anything to be 44 again!

Soundslike all your clothes are simply too big, too long and too droopy.

Leggings, flat riding boots and knee length tunics?
Knee length A line skirts- camis and nice short cardi.
Smart narrow leg trousers and cami/cardi, or long sleeved T shirt and tank-style tops?
Wrap over dresses and flat boots.
Smart straight legged or skinny dark wash jeans and nice fitted tops.

You are not old!

I am 10 yrs older than you. Today I wore black leggings, a knee length wool tunic in a minky/camel colour, and black riding boots with buckles.

Nothing to stop you losing some weight either if you really want to. and get the hair sorted.

www.whitecompany.com has some nice neutral basics- trousers, tops and cardis etc.

Thank you for the kind words :)

To be fair, what you've described in terms of leggings, tunics, skinny jeans etc is my out of work wear - it's work that kills me, we are a 'business casual' environment and leggings/jeans not allowed. When I was skinnier I used to do the cami/cardi look, but pregnancy and a cs has left me self conscious about the tum area. But you have given me food for thought and thanks once again for saying I'm not old! :)

i am 48 and wear dresses and skirts just above my knee, with wool or heavy opaque tights and boots or non tarty heels/wedges. im top heavy so have to work extra hard not to look frumpy

i dont do the tunics / skinnies / boots look because it doesnt suit my shape.

i only wear one loose item of clothing. so waterfall cardi you described woudl be worn with fitted top or trousers, never long or baggy

i dont do long skirts as Im too short, but very on trend if you are tall and willowy. but you need to keep the top half simple and fitted IMHO

i dont wear polo or high necks dues to norks, but great if they suit you

i also dont wear much black as its not flattering on me

so as you can see my wardrobe is influenced by my shape and what i know suits me, NOT my age

BTW I think we own the same scarf, but mine is years old. i wear it with magenta, cerise and silver grey though

Well, I am 42 soon, and am consoling myself by thinking of this lady who is 45. I know her style may not be what you are after, but she is proof that over 40s should wear what they like and not give in to the 'age appropriate' brigade

burn waterfall cardie (awful things) and NEVER wear a long skirt again.

Then maybe you need to go for a slim leg smart trouser and a fitted top?

Not sure what you like but have a look at Jigsaw, Hobbs ( not my favourite but might work for you) M&S Autograph, Boden (???0, Kew,Pure Collection.

Wrap dresses might work well for you.

Plain and simple and fitted is best and then you can make it personal with chunky beads, scarves etc.

I'm 51 and although the leggings/boots/tunic look has been my uniform, I do need to look smarter sometimes for work. Have just bought a couple of printed shift dresses from fenn wright mansion (in sale - 70% off!!) which I'm wearing with opaques and a longish (but not too long) cardi in toning shade. I suppose it's a similar shape outfit to leggings etc (dresses are knee length) but it gets the legs out (have skinny legs and they draw attention away from norks and tum!) and with smart shoes I look quite grown up! Interesting pendant/necklace also helps although have sympathy for yr plight re warmth. Thermal vest?
And agreed with duplicitous bitch, get rid of waterfall cardi, they make the wearer look like a collapsing jelly.

Ah, Emmanuelle Alt - she is gorgeous, isn't she? And something like a size zero I think if I tried her look at my size it would not be pretty...

Seriously, thank you all for your comments and tips, I was feeling very sorry for myself last night when I posted, and am slightly more optimistic this morning.

We're on an economy drive atm so I'm just going to have to lose the weight and fit back into the non-frump clothes I bought 2 years ago when I was a 10-12, or else make the most of with what I've got now that fits me - which is:

1 black shift dress
1 pair black wide leg trousers
1 knee-length dark grey wool dress with 3/4 length sleeves and a twisty bit in the middle

'classic' black jersey shirt
Aforementioned jumper and skirt
A navy blue top with a cowl neck

I seriously need to lose weight!!

You are all right, fitted is deffo the way to go for me, no matter what size I am (apple shape, big norks - why the hell was I wearing a polo neck?? Seriously, in the cold light of day, why do I even have one in my wardrobe? Note to self, do not go shopping with pmt...)

Wrap dresses... hmmm.... I've never been comfortable with them, I always seem to be displaying more boob than is entirely decent outside of a nightclub, and if I wear a vest-y thing underneath, it wrinkles up around my waist/tum beneath the dress (does anyone anywhere make a wrap dress that isn't clingy cotton jersey??) and draws more attention to that area. Plus I'm not sure empire line is a good look for me as I am round of tum even when slimmer and have been asked when my next one is due when wearing this style!

However enough of the yes, buts, positive action!!

I am going to have my hair cut - I've been growing out a short, VB-ish style I had done for a play and hated, although loads of people said it suited me - perhaps I should listen to them and get it done like that again? - and being all shaggy with mental ends isn't helping!

And yes, I am taking steps to lose weight, I've lost 7lb since Christmas, but am currently having a wobble - this should be my kick up the arse, shouldn't it? :)

Thanks again for the advice, very much appreciated.

One other tiny detail- have you ever had your colours done? You seem to live in black , grey and navy? Fine for work uniform, but what about out of work?
I simply ask as I was had a colour consultation and realsied I had been wearing dark near my face for years which was a killer (I am very fair though.)

I am 42, size 8 and work in a gym.

I will absolutely NEVER give in and become frumpy.

I dress appropriately but never frumpy.

Why should I?

I am in great shape and very healthy.

I never wear skirts above my knees but happy in short shorts. I have the legs but it just doesn't feel right to wear short skirts anymore.

I never show my cleavage but wear strapless tops - never cropped. (I've breastfed and carried a baby X 2 and it just doesn't feel right.)

I don't own tights and never will. They are the work of Satan.

Do not give in - there's no need!!!!!!!!!

No, never had them done - everyone i know that has seems to be an autumn, regardless of skin tone!

I've got olive-ish skin, black hair and dark brown eyes, to the extent that Chinese people have mistaken me for being Chinese or else mixed race, so I don't know if black's good for me or not.

Colour and not being a teenager anymore makes of think of Per Una...

I know I suit cerise and purple and wear a fair bit of colour out of work, but feel odd wearing them in a work context...

Lovecat - what has revolutionised my work wardrobe is DRESSES...

it means you just have to make sure one thing is clean each day, sling it on with a pair of tights and shoes or boots et voila done....

I have some fab jersey dresses from LK Bennett and they can go in the washing machine and if I hang them to dry I can even get away without ironing them (and they aren't plunging so no cleavage issues not that I have one anyway)...

Jigsaw also do some good dresses (the ones made of lyocel).

I know you are on economy drive but save up for a couple of dresses, I work three days a week and have 3 dresses and make them look a bit different by wearing different scarves, different coloured tights and shoes...

I'm 43 and have similar colouring to you Lovecat. I never ever wear dark colours near to my face now (and that's after living in black throughout my twenties), makes me look like a hag. So I go for creams and tans for the light, and reds for the warmth. I'm with Whoneeds on the jersey dress front, since I discovered them it's changed my life, easy and comfortable. You can get these bras from M&S which have a lace panel attached to them to wear with low cut dresses (never tried them though). Sounds like you've already got two nice work dresses and trousers, a couple of little cardies and tops should do it.

I think it is so easy to hit a kind of fashion slump in your early 40s. Looking back now, (I had my last DC ar 33) my fashion sense in my 40s took a nose dive as I didn't know who i was- was working p/t but in a casual environment. I got trapped in the droopy skirts and shapeless tops syndrome.

It's only now in my 50s that I feel I know my style- which is a toned down version of whatever is fashionable.

cabbageroses - I am interested in your thinking.

Why is it easy to to hit a kind of fashion slump in your early 40s?

I very much disagree.

I'm genuinely interested - not picking a fight.

Lovecat, I am a lollipop ( apple on a stick) so I am now ordering you to charity shop the long skirt and polo neck top

You can keep the waterfall cardigan for now as you are a bit short of things to wear to work . But only if you wear it with a short fitted dress or skirt or fitted trousers. Nothing baggy

You are different colouring from me so can't advise on colour, but agree that all the darks are not your best colours

Can I ask why you don't wear purple or red to work? Assuming you are not a corporate lawyer or funeral director? You said you are in a smart casual environment so surely purple, pink and red would brighten up your Greys and blacks?

I third the jersey dress suggestions, they are very flatering on curves.doesn't need to be a wrap style

So what does the jury think of this, then? I know it's dark, but it's navy/charcoal/veneer (wtf?) rather than black!

No sleeves, but I can put a non-waterfall cardi with it...

Funnily enough I got a White Company catalogue in the post this morning giving me 15% off...

Kristina, I work in finance and although we're 'business casual' no-one wears bright colours and I would stick out like a sore thumb. I'm already the oldest in the department and the only part-timer, and the only mother so I really don't want to be 'the one that wears 'fun' colours' too if I can possibly avoid it...

I am lumpy so have avoided jersey in the past as every bulge shows. How do you jersey-wearing ladies stop the line of your tights/underwear showing through? Even wearing the seamless stuff I manage to get vpl when I wear jersey!

Ooh! Ooh! Funnily enough, I already own a Primark almost exact copy of this which I wear out of work with opaque tights and heels - would you really wear something that short for work? (NB if I wear it with flat boots I look pregnant, dunno why, but I do!)

I work in finance too lovecat and am only part timer and only mum too....i tend to wear navy, grey, brown but do add a brighter pair of shoes or scarf to try not to look too dreary...i have got nice coloured tights like aubergine and plum colours which aren't too bright but stop things looking too drab.

oopsadaisy- I odn't know- but for me personally my kids were still quite young, I was working part time (in a college so everyone was quite casual) and had not really gor my act together re. clothes post pregnancy.

I didn't know where to shop and maybe there was less choice- dunno!

I think I felt that age wise I should be "toning down" and felt in some kind of no-mans land between young mummy and middle aged mummy.

Over recent years I have changed careers, which necessitated smarter clothes at times, changed my hair cut, and really found who I am now that my kids are older.

I also simply have more time to spend on myself shopping etc.

i like white co dress, doesnt look too short to me . its about 2'' above knee on model so probably means just on knee on normal person

if you are an apple, dont you have good legs? last thing to go on a woman etc. if so, stop wearing long skirts and show them off please [wags finger]

LOL at people who work in finance thinking that aubergine tights, a red necklace or a purple cardi are " fun colours"

could you push the boat out and go for lighter neutrals rather than all black, unless it really suits you? for me that would be silver grey, light grey blue or lilac

i cant really get my head round why long baggy skirt and cardi are Ok for work but funky purple dress with black opaques and shoe boots wouldnt be? help me please.......

or so you need to be in finance to really understand ???

I would so get comments of 'off down the disco, then?' from the blokes I work with if I turned up in that outfit, Kristina! (lovely though it sounds...)

I suppose I'm afraid of being mutton dressed as lamb - the other women in the department are all straight out of university and I feel very old next to them, we have no points of reference in common beyond X-Factor season, and... well, I suppose I'm worried that if I started to dress like that it would be commented on and I'd appear a bit 'sad old bag trying/failing to be trendy'...

Yes I do have good legs, btw, and used to show them off a lot. Since DD appeared on the scene I've lived in jeans and leggings and kind of lost the knack...

Have just bought that exact dress and it looks great. Really comfortable too.

Aren't blokes tiresome. A million years ago or thereabouts I was told off for wearing trousers by the office dinosaur, on the basis that "you don't see us men wearing skirts do you?". I pointed out that if they wanted to I would have no objection to it (this was pre-beckham sarong days) and flounced off but I was in my twenties and probably far too cheeky for my own good. Can see how this might not work today but don't let them grind you down.

I think when people say "wear more colour" they aren't talking about Per Una's granny curtain prints.

A dark red cardigan with your greys, or a purple scarf, would jazz up your wardrobe no end without you looking "fun" (a word that should never be associated with clothing if you are over 5 years old). Try a white item (e.g. shirt, cami top under v-neck) as this can brighten an outfit too.

It sounds as if you have good legs, so lose the long skirt. When you drop it off at the charity shop have a look on the rails for some shorter ones to replace it!

I'm nearly 44, I tend to wear three types of work outfit - tailored trousers with fitted cardi or shirt, and shoeboots; above-knee skirt with fitted cardi or shirt (not too short), with medium heels or long black boots; and above-knee dresses (wraps or knitted) with long boots. Wedge-sandals and shorter sleeves in the summer.

I tend to keep the bottoms fairly plain, but have some nice coloured tops, with necklaces and scarves to match.

I'm certainly not "trendy" as such, no-one could say I dress too young, but I look smart and coordinated, and make the most of my figure (still got it!)

Can I suggest you go and see a personal shopper? Explain what you're after - they won't make you look like you are trying too hard. Have fun!