I always end up either mumsy or mutton - help me!

[MissRead]

I really, really need some advice on finding a look that suits me, that is practical, stylish and age appropriate. I'm heading towards 40 and have so little confidence in my appearance, I know I'll never be one of those effortlessly stylish people but I'd love to feel more comfortable with myself - just haven't a clue where to start

I'm 5'3 and a size 14ish (down from a generous 18 this time last year thanks to WW) with fairly big boobs. I haven't got a fortune to spend on clothes but would prefer to buy a couple of goodish quality bits and build up a wardrobe that evolves rather than constantly buying new things that don't go together or even suit me.

At the moment I mainly shop in Gap (plain t-shirts), New Look (jeans), M&S (leggings, cardigans and t-shirts), White Stuff (plain tunics, not fond of all the heavily patterned stuff) sometimes Next (but much less so lately) or surfy type places like Animal.

I work from home so don't need anything that smart, at the moment I live in jeans or leggings with plain t-shirts or tunic tops and boots or Converse. I have tried livening my look up with accessories (have a multitude of scarves and necklaces) but nothing looks right and I read a lot of magazines to get ideas but most of the clothes either look ridiculous, are way out of my price range or are much too formal/impractical for my lifestyle.

I've also been following this blog wearingittoday.blogspot.com/ and I really her style, a lot of the stuff she wears is very much to my taste (stripes, plain simple shapes, not too much pattern) but somehow I don't carry it off in the same way - of course it helps that she is very slim and pretty .

I feel that if I play it safe I look a bit boring and mumsy but if I am more adventurous I often end up feeling tarty and inappropriate.

What is a 'suitable' look for a mum who's not that young any more but doesn't want to go down the Boden uniform route? How do I find a style that's my own, that suits my lifestyle and my age, that I am comfortable with and that doesn't fall into either the mumsy or mutton categories? Where could I try shopping and what sort of things should I be looking for? Are there any definite no-nos?

Very grateful for any ideas or advice :)

Sorry dont have any advice but just wanted you to know you are not alone in this dilemma! I am in my 30's but still find myself hankering after all the pretty tennager clothes in the shops(sob) then I feel ridiculous and veer to far in the other direction and go too mumsy. I always start off vowing to buy things that are going to last but then get tempted by all the new fashions.So end up with a wardrobe full of tat!.
Hope someone comes along on this thread with some good advice!.

These trousers look like something the stylist from wearingittoday blog would wear, coupled with a stipey top or plain one ;ike the one in the pic:

peg trousers
They come in a range of colours.

As you already shop in M&S, some of the larger branches can do really trendy but stylish stuff - esp their Limited Collection or Autograph range:

stripes

simple but stylish

denim skirt thats not a mini

like this skirt, also comes in camel

this top with black or indigo jeans

maxi dress

wear with skinny or straight jeans with ballet bumps

Are these the type of things that would be 'your thing' or am I on the wrong track completely?

pink4ever I feel your pain, hope you pick up some good tips here too :)

FaffTastic do you want to come and live in my house and pick my clothes every morning? Those are all very much to my taste, I really like the first pair of trousers and the maxi dress. Just wish they looked on me like they do on the models, losing weight I can do but growing 6-8 inches not so easy :( Definitely worth checking out other areas of M&S though, I never really look at Limited or Autograph as I always assume they're out of my price range. Thanks a lot for those links :)

I like WIT's style too

Re not looking mumsy, I have a couple of rules I stick to (I have a wardrobe made up of much the same basics as you)

with jeans that are not skinnies I NEVER wear a boot of any description, only converse style hi or lo- tops or ballerinas.

with skinnies /leggings I would wear either ankle or knee high boots (jeans tucked in) BUT all knee high boots must be flat. No calf high boots allowed except ugg/sheepskin style ones.

IMO it is footwear and specifically the ankle boots under jeans thing that instantly frumps you.

With regard to necklaces and the like - steer clear of the brightly coloured plastic chunky bead ones - very ageing imo. Plain metal or metal and ribbon much better.

Bright colours is also hard - much easier to fight the frumpy per una look if you stick to a very monochromatic look comprising black/ white/grey/navy/camel (depending on what suits you). A little bit of colour is good but keep it to small accents (belts/scarves) or offset with denim bottoms.

Skirts are very hard imo and, in the main, instantly ageing especially if a-line/knee length, dresses with flat knee high or ankle boots (heeled or flat) are better.

If "nothing look right" then perhaps you are wearing the wrong clothes for your body shape? Or perhaps
The wrong colours? Just a thought......

Listen to Esher - she looks great.

And I agree w Kristina - cut and colour of clothes are key. Perhaps spend some time working out what suits you best (ask a stylish friend to help?), then you save time and money in the future when choosing clothes.

When you see something that makes you stop & you are uncertain about putting a new look together, buy the complete outfit, including the jewellery.

OH dear, so I am a frump - i wear ankle boots under my jeans - heeled ones too. And would have to be paid a small fortune to ever consider a pair of UGG(ly) boots. And WHAT is a converse lo or hi top??

However I am 50 and someone genuinely thought I was 35 the other day, so I won't worry too much.

I'm with a mothers place . And I don't think Per Una's frumpy.

I like the idea of looking at the blog, and assembling something similar - if you like that look.

Can I push you towards the comptoir du cotonniers website, too?

Rather than buying C du C clothes, have a look at the general feel, and way things are put together, colours, and shapes, and so on. You could assemble similar from M and S and Gap (esp Ltd Collection and Autograph).

And, yes, a lot of the clothes on the C and C website are for the v. slim, but would, I think, look fine with a bit of tweaking (eg. longer dresses!).

I suppose what I'm suggesting is that the basic "look" of C and C is kind of "on-the-edge-of-stylish/tasteful/not OTT -mummy", rather than rip-roaring "stylish mum". The last takes a lot of confidence to pull off.

Btw, I can't see what the problem is with your basic "look". Surely most mothers wear T-shirts, jeans and converse?? But I'm guessing you want something to throw in there that signals a bit of individuality and a nod towards style.

In that case, the trick is to stick with a very safe basic frame, and add one element that comes from the land-of-fashion. So, either buy something a bit more fashion-y/individual-ly (Urban Outfitters? Topshop? Noah Noah? - which of these do you gravitate towards?) and wear it with the rest of your "safe" look.

That's a great website animula

Op it's very easy to look frumpy with big boobs, you need to choose your shapes carefully

Eg gap t shirts are fine, but they need to be low or scooped neck and not short sleeved ( ending just in line with your boobs)

Personally I don't like next and I think per unas style is very frumpy, although you can occasionally get individual item that are ok. But it's very patterned and frilly /flouncy which isn't my thing

Lots of great ideas here, thanks a lot.

KristinaM I agree re big boobs - neither the frumpy mum or the busty serving wench are the looks I'm hoping to achieve.

Also think the footwear thing is very important as eshermummy said. I am never more comfortable or 'me' than in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and some Converse so these are clearly good basics to stick with but I struggle at this time of the year when I need something warmer than Converse or ballet pumps on my feet - what do you wear with boyfriend jeans for example if not either of those? Totally see that 'mum' boots would be wrong (and am glad to say I ditched those a while back) but not sure what else would work.

Re M&S, have rarely bought anything from Per Una as that's definitely not the look I'm going for but as long as you steer clear of that and the Classic Collection I find a lot of their stuff is OK.

I really need to expand my shopping haunts I think, haven't been inside Top Shop for years, although that's mainly due to not fitting into anything - now I am a bit thinner I may have to give it another go. We don't have several of the shops that are often mentioned on threads like this here which is annoying, other than department stores my local shops consist mainly of:

Karen Millen
Top Shop
Miss Selfridge
Jane Norman
Principles
River Island
New Look
Gap
M&S
Dorothy Perkins/Evans
Next
Zara
TK Maxx
Fat Face
H&M
Hobbs
Wallis
Oasis
Monsoon

So not awful but missing a few that I'd like.

missread- excellent question on shoes for now. Totally confused too! Uggs are not great, don't want cold toes either tho! Oh an not great in heels as preggy and wobbly like a weeble! ;)

What about Rocket dog (will need to size up) or some lined Merrell boots, or still too Ugg-like? I have succumbed this year as I like toasty warm feet.

Big boobs can be a massive prob when shopping, especially with so many things having this 'empire line' thing going on, stitching which ends up dividing your boobs neatly in half! I also have size 9 feet, so always have to think what shoes will go with things...

MissRead I totally agree that what shoes with boyfriend jeans is a conundrum - I just avoid it completely though by putting all my wide leg/boyfriend jeans away till Spring! I agree re the cold feet thing - is still far too cold for converse or ballerinas, although earlier on in the season I did see some Converse style trainers made by Ugg that had a sheepskin lining which might work? mind you, the other reason I don't get anything other than skinnies out till Spring is because I can't bear wet/ muddy hems.

Tbh I am not a big fan of Uggs myself but I only mention them because I do think the proportions work well with leggings. I only like black though

Oh, and those of you that think per una is not frumpy, it most definitely is.

Per Una is (with a very, very few exceptions) horrific, as noted on another thread. The garish 'spring' prints currently on display in my local M and S are awful beyond belief.

Like animula's idea of adapting a Comptoir des Cotonniers vibe - I love looking at their stuff for ideas, though alas can't get into their clothes. Mind you, even if I could, I wouldn't look at all like the young, cool, and French models on the site ... Have got two great scarves from them, though, which add something a bit different to outfits - managed to get last one (from A/W collection) half-price in the sale.

Don't wear boyfriend jeans - make me look even larger than I am - and have pensioned off bootcuts - though could be tempted by the 'new' flares supposed to be 'in' in spring.

Agree with esher that skirts really hard, though thinking about maxis, again for S/S - though a bit concerned that peole may think I'm still wearing from last time round, so will need to get styling right.

Think the only solution to the winter shoe problem is to be warm and unstylish in Uggs or cold but cool in Converse - roll on the Spring!