Help. I am a frump :(

[AbbyLou]

I need help ladies. I have been having a big clear out today and found lots of old photos. They made me cry when i looked at what i used to look like.
Since having my children i have put on about 3 stone, have a massive baby tummy and I'm a size sixteen/eighteen and I hate the way I look. I have no beauty routine, I forget to shave my legs, I never paint my nails, wear the bare minimum of make up on a good day, wear frumpy clothes (money is an issue too) don't get my hair cut often enough. I feel really ahamed of what I have become to be honest.
Anyway, I need help!! What can I do to try and get myself back on track. I am trying to lose some weight but it is very slow. What sort of routine do you ladies have for yourself with regards hair, skin, nails, make up etc. I need to factor some me time back into my daily life and don't know where to start. I need to get some self-confidence back in order to even start to feel happy about the way I look. I feel such an idiot asking this but I have let myself go for so long and I need to get 'me' back.
Help...

Routine helps. Once you get in the "habit" of doing things it becomes part of your every day, so I would say:

1. Stop beating yourself up. You've been focused on being a good mum and not you. So rule 1 be nice to yourself.

1. Buy yourself a body brush. Spend three minutes every morning before your shower brushing your skin. It's really good for circulation and cellulite, and it makes your skin soft. Use a rich moisturiser after.

1. Make sure you wash your face every night, regardless of whether you've worn make up and moisturise. Try to exfoiliate twice a week and use a mask once a week.

1. Get to really know your wardrobe. ie what goes with what, and can you mix things up. When I shop it's with what I already have in mind. That way I can optimise outfits.

Thanks for that starmucks.

1. Ok I will try. I know dh an the dc love me just as I am but I really need to love myself a bit more.

2. Will buy a body brush. Can you recommend a good moisturiser?

3)What about products for these things? I have dry, quite flaky skin. Would you recommend just washing face with water or do I need to buy prducts for that too?

4. My wardrobe really is shit. I lost quite a bit of weight with ww about a year ago and stuff I had last summer doesn't fit. I can't afford to buy more so I'm squeezing myself into stuff that's too tight or wearing old stuff that's too big!! I really need to shift this weight so I can at least have a little choice.

Good thread AbbyLou. Am watching with interest as a fellow frump. I do wonder what I would be like if I had more money??? Probably better dressed but still podgy and ungroomed. I have never had my nails done, even when I was working full time. I think it has a lot to do with how you were raised. My mum takes care of her appearance but has never indulged herself with things like manicures, etc.

Thanks Jimmy, at least I am not alone
I just feel that at 34 I probably look older than I am and I don't ever feel well-groomed or like I've made an effort. I know the problem is down to me but now I am ready to grab the bull by the horns I don't know where to start!
I don't even know what items to begin to buy for a few staple wardrobe items that I can mix and match.

I think a good start for me would be to stop coming on mumsnet! I could dedicate that time to becoming a polished goddess. I am 40 in a month and I seriously need to make some changes.

It might help if you can put aside a time each week for "you". This is what works for me.

Take 1 hr 1 0r 2 x a week- maybe an evening or afternoon- and do the following:

Shave legs/armpits- whatever you do.( or daily if you need to in shower.)
Foot file for skin on feet.
Exfoliate in shower with a loofah/brush or creamy shower gel stuff.
Use body lotion.
File/cut toe and finger nails.
Pale polish if you like.

Start each day with cleanse, moisturiser, light foundation/tinted mosituriser, bit of mascara and lip gloss. When you get into a routine it takes 10 minutes.

Once a week, use of heavy repair mask on your hair to condition it and get it cut every 8 weeks. new LOOk and H&M are very cheap.

Clothes- some nice fitting jeans and a selection of tops.
New Look and H&M are cheap.

Products- if you can go cheap-mid range, good buys are L'Oreal, Olay, No 7, Boots own.
Forget toner, just buy a creamy cleansing lotion and a moisturiser. I remove cleanser with cotton wool/warm water. Use a facial exfoliator once a week.

Body lotion-loads to choose from but Palmers, Nivea, Jergens, etc. Boot s and Super drug oftne have offers, 3 for 2 etc.

Thanks so much purplepeony, that was a real help. I think setting aside a particular time may be the best idea. It's something I've always put off doing because my job involves quite a lot of work in the evenings. However, this is really important to me and if it is to be sorted, I have to make the effort.
I think I will start with a clear out of all the crap in my make up bag and sort all the lotions and potions I have never used! I will need to buy cleanser and face moisturiser but I definitely have body lotion.

I am glad it helps- I find that I do my grooming at a weekend and that's how I remember.

Keep up your good work with your diet!

We're off on a caravanning holiday today so i think the me time will have to wait until the weekend. I can't think of anything less glamourous that a caravan in the rain!!
When I get back though I will start with a vengeance - I will move from slummy mummy to yummy mummy if it kills me!

OP - quite a few ladies on mn are doing the 30 Day Shred:

DVD here

Support thread here

It is only 20 minutes a day - designed to lose fat and tone. Some great results for those who stick with it.

Would second all the stuff others have said about routine and allowing a little bit of time a day. I work 4 days a week with a long commute so fitting it in can be challenge, but I always fit 10 minutes in the morning and evening to moisturise/body brush/eyebrow pluck etc

Raining while on caravanning holiday? ....perfect excuse to book into a nearby spa for a bit of pampering while DH looks after DC ;)

It may be painful, but once you're back chuck out all you ill-fitting clothes. Things that are either too big, or too small will make you look bigger than you actually are. H&M and uniqlo are really good, cheap and stylish, although not made to last.

On the products, neutrogena specialise in dry skin. I find their body moisturiser really good. ROC is good for face products, and it's mid-range in price. If your skin is flakey you need to exfoiliate a couple of tinmes a week. For cleansing, a normal facial wash with water is fine. Something like Simple could work well. The Body Shope sell good body brushes.

Remember confidence is 90% of the battle. Once you get into a routine, it becomes a virtous circle: you feel better, so you do a bit more, and that makes you feel better again. You shall be a GODDESS in the end!

One hot bath a week at the weekend is great to get some intensive exfoliating done and have a proper shave.

Then you can just top up with a good body wash/scrub and quick shave in the shower every couple of days.

I am not immaculate, but this lets me keep on top of things with 3 kids and a job.

I always put makeup on and straighten my hair each day, straightening can make a good haircut last a bit longer.

Oil of Olay cheap range is pretty good and boots do all sanctuary products which are great for dry skin in miniature. So you can try them out (last quite a while) and not spend too much in one go.

A quick way to having better nails is to keep an emery board (the big black ones from Boots, about £1, not the nasty metal files) and a tube of hand cream (Norwegian formula is good) by your computer, so you can tidy up your nails at the same time as browsing the internet. Because you SEE the nail file, you'll remember to do it. Clear or pale pink polish doesn't show chips so quickly - you can just slosh it on and feel about 50% more goddessy instantly.

Nice hands always make people think you're more groomed than you really are...

abbeylou, you sound like me.. on what i would class as a good day!!

as far as your clothes go, and money being tight, io would definately say get to the tail end of the sales where stuff if now about 70% off and just get a couple of pair of jeans or trousers that fit properly, it will make a huuuuuge difference, i promise!

And keep looking in the supermarkets, often the do decent moisturisers and eye creams half price (i've got boatloads of nivea q10 that was £5 from £10) so if you really don't feel you have time for make up at least you're treating your skin.

also, if you're not 'doing'makeup at the moment, what about stretching £10 to get your eyelashes dyed so you're not faffing with mascara but it glams your peepers?

and gok wan said that olive oil is a perfect cleanser! Cook and clean!

Thanks for all the advice everyone. We got back from the caravan earlier and I went straight to work!
I had a shower, used body scrub, shaved everything, used a lovely body lotion I had sitting in a drawer, took off old nail polish and used a lovely foot cream. It's amazing how good it made me feel. I felt really pampered!! Tonight's jobs are going to be replacing the nail polish and plucking my eyebrows. Sometime this week I intend to go through my lotions and potions drawrs and chuck out anything I don't intend using and ditto for make up.
Diet had a bit of a hiccup whilst we were away but nothing too drastic.

Hi Abbeylou,

re your wardrobe, just reorganising it can help rediscover items or outfits. I recently arranged everything by colour (and tone) in mine instead of by item type (e.g skirts, tops etc). It really helped to find things that go well together quickly.

Just a couple of tips (am taking away more than a couple - thanks all)

Moisturize your whole body, pay attention to your feet too.

Get some nicely fitted clothing, baggy 'hides a multitude' stuff is tempting (I know from experience) but not flattering IMO.

Get a neat easy to maintain haircut - if you can be confident that your hair looks smart it helps everything.

Try to improve your posture, practice in front of the mirror, or try some yoga, - it makes an enormous difference to your appearance and your confidence. HTH

I've been using the oil cleansing method on my face now for a couple of months. It works just as well if not better than any cleanser I've used. Just google oil cleansing method - ther is loads of info out there.

If you can afford to get your eyebrows professionally shaped or threaded (I pay £6 in west London) it's an instant face lift & wonderful boost. It's about the only 'treatment' I pay for - I just couldn't do it well myself and it's very worth it.

Well done Abby- keep it going...!
I find that once I get on a roll, it is much easier.

Also, once you raise the bar you don't let it slip so easily again.

Thanks! I must admit i do feel loads better. I did my nails last night but didn't get round yo eyebrows i fell asleep. Ds made my day though this morning. We were walking together holding hands and he said 'Mummy, your hands feel so soft. It's lovely to hold them'. It made the effort all wothwhile. We are doing some major major garden jobs today so trying to wear clothes to keep my newly painted nails safe!!
The next big step really has to be clothes and that's going to take money. I think I may start a little saving, just odds and ends of change to build up and put towards some new clothes.

Thanks for this thread. I have been stuck in a big rut due to recent illness/exhaustion, and it'd be fair to say I've completely let myself go. But am back on track re diet/exercise and as a result of this thread I had a lovely bath this morning, deep conditioned my hair, shaved my legs, plucked my eyebrows, slathered my body in moisturiser and my feet in Flexitol, put some make up on for the first time in ages. And I feel so much better. Tonight I'm going to do my toenails and fingernails. I also threw out the perfume that I was "using up" even though I don't like it, so now I only have lovely perfume to wear.