Paranoid after funeral

[appleofmyey]

hello all, and so sorry for you loses.

i gave birth at 19 weeks 10 days ago, had my baby boys funeral on Friday so two days ago. Am struggling so much, I was ok with just crying when I got to my bed before the funeral and a few times through out the day but I am a mum of 4 so I was kept busy with cleaning and being a mum basically. But after the funeral I have been unable to cry I feel like I want to cry but unable to cry, I feel angry, irrated by almost everything. I feel like am going insane if am being honest, I lie in my bed and have to get up multiple times to turn off plugs, check doors check anything that can potentially hurt our family during the night, all kids have had to make beds in our room, my husband goes away offshore Monday. And am spiralling out of control I keep getting the feeling of dread and doom come over me. Don’t know what am asking here just need to get it out. Am becoming so paranoid about everything in life.

Do you have contact with the health visitor still? Could you see you gp? Have you contacted the SANDS charity?

I opted for no he while in the hospital. And yes did speak to sands and arc when I recieved baby’s diagnosis. It’s just a feeling of dread constantly and feeling likely other kids are in danger by the likes of a house fire or something I really can’t explain it well just feel lost in life x

Not sure about the gp or what they could do for me. X

You are experiencing the normal process of grief. It’s ok to feel a huge range of emotions that will cycle over the next few months. Feeling numb, paranoid, sad, hopeless are all emotions you will come to recognise when you go through the process of grieving a close relative. Losing a child is perhaps the most intense and since you are also coming down from the high pregnancy hormone levels it’s likely to be worse.

A chat with your GP is a good idea since it will set a baseline and going forward they can review you and step in if necessary.

Part of the grieving process is mentally boxing up the feelings and thoughts. In your case that’s difficult to do but if you have photos, scans, appointment letters, anything physically associated with the pregnancy make yourself a memory box. It helps. You can then revisit it when you want or feel ready. A friend of mine lost her DD at full term and always has her photo and other memories from the pregnancy in a quiet corner of a display cabinet.

In the past most early losses did not receive a funeral. A funeral helps with grieving. Many women struggled quietly for years after pregnancy loss because there was no validation. It often resulted in longterm problems. I had multiple miscarriages and after DS was born I had pnd when he was 8 mnths old. I also lost my DF not long after he was born. My GP was not surprised that I developed pnd, it was sort of inevitable.

Be kind to yourself, you are overwhelmed by the huge range of emotions you’ve experienced over a short period of time. It will get better but it will take time. Ask for help so you can have a little time for yourself, even if it’s just to go for a walk.

Try and find an online support group where you can pour out your feelings without the listener trying to fix you. I was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago and joined a Facebook group. They are a fantastic group who just understand. I remember after my first miscarriage my MIL saying how sorry she was but couldn’t relate because she’d never had one. Instead of it being supportive it felt very judgemental, in other words “I’m a better woman who doesn’t lose babies” I’m certain she didn’t mean it that way, I hope, but not really a helpful comment. What I needed were people who knew how I was feeling. I wish there had been online groups when I was struggling. I just couldn’t face the face to face groups that were about at the time.