I can't lose the baby weight after a stillbirth

[RFM10]

I had a stillbirth in the summer of 2023. There's a high likelihood of recurrence apparently so we won't be having another baby now. I was, and still am, heartbroken, but doing my best to enjoy life and am very grateful for my beautiful toddler.

However my question is more of a practical one. After my first (live) birth, the weight came off pretty quickly, with breastfeeding and having to hold/ walk around with baby a lot of the time. After the stillbirth, the weight will not budge. I have a fairly slim frame but now have a big 'baby' bump, to the point where quite a few people have asked me if I'm pregnant, which hurts for lots of reasons. I know this probably sounds really silly, but it's getting me down and every time I look in the mirror it reminds me of the pregnancy and what I've lost. Not to mention I just don't like how I look now and it makes me feel shit.

I eat fairly healthy food, but probably too much, I'm always hungry! I do a reasonable amount of exercise- cycle to work every day and go for a run on the weekend. Probably need to do more but so hard to fit it in as I know it is for everyone.

I know there's no magic answer but any tips gratefully recieved. Please be kind!

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

Have you heard of diastasis recti? It is where the abdominal muscles separate during pregnancy and don’t knit back together. It sounds like that could be a possibility, as you eat fairly well and exercise?

No I haven't heard of that. I will look it up, thanks.

I'd say it took me a good 5 years to feel anything like normal after my baby was stillborn. Don't put any pressure on yourself that you don't need to. It'll come off when you're ready to address it. I've had 4 kids all together (3 living) and my stomach has never fully shrunk back down thanks to the huge gap in the muscles. I call it my Mum war wound!

Sorry for your loss

Just sending you so much love across the internet from someone you will never meet to say how sorry I am that this happened to you.

I’m so sorry for you loss. I had stillborn twins in 2022 and have the same issue - I more or less returned to eating and moving as I had before, but the weight I gained during that pregnancy refused to budge.

It could be my age (in my 40s), it could be cortisol/stress levels as I process the grief, and to be honest the grieving has been so exhausting that the only way I’ve really found to cope is by being as kind to myself as possible, so dieting etc hasn’t been my priority. Not really advice in terms of losing the weight, but I wanted you to know you’re not alone xx