I want to say sorry

[JanForte]

Over three decades ago I was invited to attend a funeral of someone’s baby who had died at twenty four weeks. I didn’t go, having just had a significant bereavement myself. I was young and immature and didn’t appreciate what the mother of the baby was going through. I feel very guilty about this and want to contact the person to apologise and let her know that I never forgot the loss of her little boy. We ceased to have contact a year or so after this had happened. Is it selfish of me to want to appease my guilt when all I might do is cause more pain to someone.

I wouldn't. It was a very long time ago and you're not longer in contact with them. If it was someone you still saw, then apologising might be well received but I think after so long it's going to make you look strange, getting in touch to say that.

I would write a letter but tbh you do it more for youself than the mother.
Most likely she will appreciate that you care. I wouldn't expect an answer.

I'm sorry but this is about you're guilt and you wanting to feel better. You're no longer in contact so maybe think about making amends in a different way - donate to a charity that supports stillbirth perhaps? In every apology (for me) you should consider harm to self and others. What harm does this potentially cause her?

I say this as a mum who has buried a child. Only you know your motives behind this but have a good think about it before you do. That's a long time to have passed for you to bring it up now

No, don't think you should contact her about this. It was 30 years ago and you are no longer in touch. I dont think it will help her to be contacted about what was most likely an incredibly painful time in her life. I hope you can reconcile your feelings you were young, people grow. You don't need to feel guilty.