Neo-natal loss

[tillyxxx]

I thought I would start a thread for anyone that has experienced neo natal loss. To share their story and provide comfort to others.

My partner and I had to go through an IVF journey as we suffered with male infertility. After a long wait to be referred we eventually were able to choose our clinic for treatment this year. I got pregnant after my second embryo transfer (graded 4CC) in May 2024 and I thought wow what a miracle and prayed for a healthy child.

From the start I was riddled with anxiety that there would be an issue as the embryo was graded poorly. However, I only suffered with the tiredness in the first trimester and the baby was progressing well. This was up to the second trimester where things went down hill I experienced weird symptoms funny vision, no energy, dizziness. I had bloods taken and showed I was slightly anaemic so was prescribed iron. It didn't help too much. At our 20 weeks scan our baby was growing below the 10th centile. We were referred to the Fetal Medicine Unit they would scan us every 2 weeks and nothing serious was pointed out at the time.

I experienced reduced movement on our 26th week of pregnancy so went to our labour ward to be checked, my baby had a heartbeat but wasn't moving at all. I had to have an emergency c-section which was a shock itself. It was a girl I was so hoping for. Our baby girl Charlotte had severe anaemia and was very poorly. She was 1.7 pounds. She spent 3 days in NICU where we were able to squeeze her tiny hands and stroke her soft skin until she sadly passed away having suffered a brain haemorrhage.

I will always love our little girl, our first born who made us a mummy and daddy.

How did you deal with the loss of your little ones? All I wanted was a child to love and complete our family. I feel so empty now.
Sending love to all who read this if you have suffered a similar loss xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have no experience to share but I have just read your post and wanted to comment as you must have posted at a busy time and this got lost for people to reply to. I hope you are doing ok and someone might be able to answer you and say something more helpful than me. My heart goes out to you. Xx

I'm so sorry for your loss 💕

Our son, our first child, Arthur was born at 23 weeks in April 2024. It had taken us 18 months to get pregnant with him and were fortunate to have a low risk pregnancy. I did have a bleed at 14 weeks which no one could explain. I then went into labour at 22 weeks. I had gone to the hospital as I had some very light bleeding and I saw a clot. When I arrived at the hospital I was 5cm dialated. I had magnesium sulphate and steroid injections to slow or stop labour and was transferred to a tier 1 hospital. A week later, Arthur was born en caul. He was such a strong little boy and so much bigger than anyone expected he was 600g and 30cm long which still astounds me. He died 5 days later in my arms in the neonatal unit.

No one knows why I went into labour so early and we will never know.

Losing a child like this, coming home without your baby and living everyday without them the most agnosing pain. He was so loved from the moment we saw the positive test and even now, almost a year later I cannot comprehend a life without him. You go through the motions and 'carry on' but you know you'll spend your whole life missing your baby, grieving their potential. This kind of grief is so lonely I've found and so isolating. I'm glad I found your post OP as it makes me feel less alone in this.

We have been TTC since August 24 once we got the all clear and each month we aren't pregnant, feels like another loss. Another month I'll be a mum without a baby to hold in my arms.

Sending you lots of love 💕

Hi Tilly. I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s brutal. I’ve been through similar (including the IVF) very recently so if you ever want to chat, please feel free PM me - if the site still allows it xx

So sorry to hear your stories. Thought I would share mine too and hopefully it might bring some hope. In my first pregnancy I developed severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome at 22 weeks. I was rushed over to a different hospital with a specialist neonatal unit, where my health got worse and worse until I had an emergency c-section at 25 weeks. Our little boy was resuscitated but unfortunately he had lots of complications and he passed away 4 weeks later.

I thought I'd never get through it and that i'd only feel happy again once I had a living child, but i am pleased to say this wasn't the case and I did feel happy again! I saw a therapist too which really helped. Mine was through the NHS. She really encouraged me to get out and do the things I used to enjoy, and sure enough i did eventually start to enjoy life again. And booked a lot of holidays!

I fell pregnant again about 10 months later which ended in a missed miscarriage. And then fell pregnant again a few months after that which resulted in the full term birth of our baby boy just over 2 years on from our first loss! And now pregnant again - early days so fingers crossed!

I'm so sorry for your losses ❤️ congratulations on your pregnacy, wishing you well!

I'm so sorry for all your losses. I'm typing this from my hospital bed having just lost our perfect little girl Ava at 22 weeks. She was born alive. Monday I went into triage after experiencing spotting and after examination they found I was 3-4cm dilated and the membrane sac was bulging out. I was put on bed rest, head tilted down, not allowed to move. Tuesday the surgeon managed to put in a rescue stitch (which they didn't expect to be able to do) and we had some hope, but by Wednesday morning my infection markers in blood tests were still going up despite being on IV antibiotics and the doctors had a meeting from 3 separate hospitals (2 with top tier NICUs) to see if they would take us so baby might stand a chance if she was born alive, but they all agreed the infection was too severe.
Wednesday the stitch was removed, which in itself was the most traumatic medical procedure I've ever had and the worst pain I've ever felt, and then they induced me. I had an epidural in later Wednesday night but by Thurs morning Contractions slowed down so they took me into surgery as on examination baby was turned sideways. They delivered her alive and she lived for 1hr 22mins with us.

How on earth do we carry on with life. We have had 4 miscarriages between 8-11 weeks and now this. It's so so cruel. Why did I have to get this infection? I felt absolutely fine, no outward sign of being unwell at all, but apparently it could have killed me too if I hadn't go in to hospital. We are totally broken. I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter, Ava @Moosey898. It is so unfair and so cruel. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.

We lost our daughter Isabelle on 1st September at 19 weeks 2 days. They wouldn't put in a rescue stitch when they found my cervix had shrunk at 18 weeks 5 days. I genuinely have no idea how to get through this again.

Sending you and your partner so much love x

@Moosecat29 I'm so sorry for your loss. It's just so unbearably cruel, I don't know how to get past it. I miss our little girl every day already, I miss how my belly was just starting to grown, and feeling her move. And at the same time I keep thinking, it'll be at least a year now before I get chance to hold a baby in my arms, and that's if everything went smoothly which so far it hasn't. I can't sleep, can't eat properly. I just feel so lost in the world and don't know anyone who could possibly understand.

@Moosey898 I'm here if you ever want to talk. Whilst people try to sympathise, unless you've experienced this agony no one can understand. It is so lonely.

My husband doesn't understand how I can want to be pregnant again, I try to describe it like being desperately hungry or thirsty, I can't ignore it or deny it, the feeling is so strong. I need to bring one of our babies home.

If the charity Petals work with your hospital, I'd recommend using their counselling services when you are ready. Unfortunately they've stopped working with ours but they were a great support after we lost Arthur.

@Moosecat29 I get that drive and desire to be pregnant again. I was chatting to my other half saying, if you could make the decision and be pregnant right away it would be that tiny bit easier. The fact we're back at the beginning, having to track and try and not know how long it might take is horrible, especially since I have no faith it will go right next time either. But if you want the outcome you have no choice but to keep going. And then grieving the little baby we lost at the same time... It's so heavy

My hospital doesn't work with Petals but they have their own bereavement midwife and counsellor, hoping to get sessions booked in asap for us both to go to together and then also finding some solo therapy too as I'm conscious I'm developing health anxiety (loss was due to an infection) and don't want to spiral on that too.

And you're right - no one can understand. I thought the sadness and pain from my miscarriages was bad but this is a million times worse xx